My brothers new gf is ugly

[CenotaphGirl]

So now I know what you are thinking… he’s a grown man, but its stressful seeing him settle for this… -2. She looks like she takes drugs.

He asked me as he asks for my approval for everything… I told him my honest thoughts and he said but she has nice eyes her eyes are brown and nothing special. I told him the fact that he cant even say shes beautiful is a massive red flag.

My mum said I need to tell him not to be with her as he’ll listen to me however my brother has learning difficulties and I will never over influence him. Its hard not to because I want the best for him but I dont wanna feel like I control areas of his life that are for him to control as a man.

So now I am thinking do I have to pretend to like this match up? My life is a joke.

 

[Cherubino]

on a beauty scale of 1<10 how would you rate him and her

 

[TheRealCallie]

IF she takes drugs, that could be a problem. Maybe see if you can find out IF she actually does.
Aside from that, how exactly do you know he's "settling"? Perhaps she's actually a good match for him and he actually does LIKE her. Honestly....and this is not an attack, but you sound very shallow right now. Get to know her for who she is, not what she looks like and maybe then decide.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Something I've learned when it comes to siblings and our approval/disapproval with their relationships is:
They're going to do what they want to do, rather or not they're willing to listen to us.
At some point, you've just gotta deduce from their perspective rather than your own why they might be with that person.

In the case of my sister and her babydaddy for example:
She's a head full of inconsistent drama that can't handle stability because it challenges her to mentally stay in one place. And he's basically a manchild with 3 or 4 kids with 3 or 4 different women and even though he makes great money by the hourly number, once the cost of all of his kids are deduced he really doesn't make crap in a hat.
So what I've deduced is:
They're a match made in Hell for each other.

Thereafter, I can just go live my own life and let them eat cake.

Of course I want someone better for my sister, but SHE doesn't want someone better. And THAT'S the factor.
You cannot make a decision for someone even if you know better for yourself.

I guess my point is:
Don't hold onto your feelings of disapproval.
Just let it go. When sh!t hits the fan, he'll come running.
Until then, keep the whole situation at an arm's distance.
Don't hold onto it though, because that's just that much more you have to have on your mind.
Instead, just try to quarantine that whole situation mentally.
Prepare ahead of time for the factors you're concerned with, and then let it go.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

on a beauty scale of 1<10 how would you rate him and her

My brother is a normal looking person and she is -2 unhealthy looking, ugh a mess… wtf is he doingggg

IF she takes drugs, that could be a problem. Maybe see if you can find out IF she actually does.
Aside from that, how exactly do you know he's "settling"? Perhaps she's actually a good match for him and he actually does LIKE her. Honestly....and this is not an attack, but you sound very shallow right now. Get to know her for who she is, not what she looks like and maybe then decide.

Honestly Callie people can call me shallow all they want, if your son came home with a homeless looking woman you’d be concerned to, she doesnt even look healthy. Just gross. And he hasnt said shes good looking either just looks at me like … blank and trying to think of excuses to be with her. And I dont know what to do, just be like no way forget her or pretend to think shes right for him when I dont.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Something I've learned when it comes to siblings and our approval/disapproval with their relationships is:
They're going to do what they want to do, rather or not they're willing to listen to us.
At some point, you've just gotta deduce from their perspective rather than your own why they might be with that person.

In the case of my sister and her babydaddy for example:
She's a head full of inconsistent drama that can't handle stability because it challenges her to mentally stay in one place. And he's basically a manchild with 3 or 4 kids with 3 or 4 different women and even though he makes great money by the hourly number, once the cost of all of his kids are deduced he really doesn't make crap in a hat.
So what I've deduced is:
They're a match made in Hell for each other.

Thereafter, I can just go live my own life and let them eat cake.

Of course I want someone better for my sister, but SHE doesn't want someone better. And THAT'S the factor.
You cannot make a decision for someone even if you know better for yourself.

I guess my point is:
Don't hold onto your feelings of disapproval.
Just let it go. When sh!t hits the fan, he'll come running.
Until then, keep the whole situation at an arm's distance.
Don't hold onto it though, because that's just that much more you have to have on your mind.
Instead, just try to quarantine that whole situation mentally.
Prepare ahead of time for the factors you're concerned with, and then let it go.

Literally Apexiee he is like having a 30 y/o son and the more I protect him the more I get judged and when I pull away the more unsettled my brother gets, I genuinely feel like I cant win

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Literally Apexiee he is like having a 30 y/o son and the more I protect him the more I get judged and when I pull away the more unsettled my brother gets, I genuinely feel like I cant win

Yeah, I have similar problems with my sister, I get it. I have to be a d!ck to her sometimes, not because I don't care, but because I DO care. But also, there's a limit to the effectiveness of that. If someone if set on how they are going to live their life, it really doesn't matter which approach you take to trying to influence them, they've already made up their mind about how they are going to live their life. The most you can really do from there is state your piece, and then assess your own damage prevention and harm reduction for yourself to make sure it doesn't overly fall onto you. It's risk assessment, is what it is. Best way to plan for something like that is, you've gotta plan ahead for it not to work and for it to end up falling into your lap anyway. Is it a pain in the ass? Yes, absolutely. But are you going to end up helping him anyway because he's your brother? Also yes. So yeah, it is lose-lose, bbbuuutttt if you're careful and meticulous enough about what you do in your own life, you can at least dampen the impact it might/could have on your potential future involvement later. The idea is to try to focus on what you CAN do, instead of what you can't do. Thinking about what you can't do will do you no good, you can't do anything about those things, that's a useless thought. So, think about what you CAN do INSTEAD. Treat it like a flow chart (if Scenario A, follow up with Action B, etc).

 

[Unsigned]

How ugly are we talking here?
Meryl Streep ugly?
Rosie O'Donnell ugly?
Jocelyn Wilderstein ugly?

There are different levels. Have to be specific...

 

[TheRealCallie]

My brother is a normal looking person and she is -2 unhealthy looking, ugh a mess… wtf is he doingggg

Honestly Callie people can call me shallow all they want, if your son came home with a homeless looking woman you’d be concerned to, she doesnt even look healthy. Just gross. And he hasnt said shes good looking either just looks at me like … blank and trying to think of excuses to be with her. And I dont know what to do, just be like no way forget her or pretend to think shes right for him when I dont.

Yes, I would be concerned. I would be concerned whether or not she had the money to buy herself clothes. I would be concerned about her home life and if she was abused. I would be concerned about a lot of things, but I would NOT be concerned with my son dating her.
Like I said, get to know HER. What she looks like doesn't matter in the slightest. What makes your brother happy is what matters. He is 30 years old? He's an adult? Learning disability or not, he's old enough to make his own choices and/or mistakes and you are old enough to let him.

 

[TheSkaFish]

So now I know what you are thinking… he’s a grown man, but its stressful seeing him settle for this… -2. She looks like she takes drugs.

He asked me as he asks for my approval for everything… I told him my honest thoughts and he said but she has nice eyes her eyes are brown and nothing special. I told him the fact that he cant even say shes beautiful is a massive red flag.

My mum said I need to tell him not to be with her as he’ll listen to me however my brother has learning difficulties and I will never over influence him. Its hard not to because I want the best for him but I dont wanna feel like I control areas of his life that are for him to control as a man.

So now I am thinking do I have to pretend to like this match up? My life is a joke.

Hey, I have brown eyes! I always kinda wished I had a rarer eye color, or just rarer features in general (the good kind, not the bad).

But really though, where did he meet her, what interests or traits do they have in common?

I can't imagine him mingling with actual homeless and/or women, since he is neither homeless nor unhealthy himself.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Yeah, I have similar problems with my sister, I get it. I have to be a d!ck to her sometimes, not because I don't care, but because I DO care. But also, there's a limit to the effectiveness of that. If someone if set on how they are going to live their life, it really doesn't matter which approach you take to trying to influence them, they've already made up their mind about how they are going to live their life. The most you can really do from there is state your piece, and then assess your own damage prevention and harm reduction for yourself to make sure it doesn't overly fall onto you. It's risk assessment, is what it is. Best way to plan for something like that is, you've gotta plan ahead for it not to work and for it to end up falling into your lap anyway. Is it a pain in the ass? Yes, absolutely. But are you going to end up helping him anyway because he's your brother? Also yes. So yeah, it is lose-lose, bbbuuutttt if you're careful and meticulous enough about what you do in your own life, you can at least dampen the impact it might/could have on your potential future involvement later. The idea is to try to focus on what you CAN do, instead of what you can't do. Thinking about what you can't do will do you no good, you can't do anything about those things, that's a useless thought. So, think about what you CAN do INSTEAD. Treat it like a flow chart (if Scenario A, follow up with Action B, etc).

Just gets me furious that hes always annoying me… not sure where he even found this street walker, its exhausting.

How ugly are we talking here?
Meryl Streep ugly?
Rosie O'Donnell ugly?
Jocelyn Wilderstein ugly?

There are different levels. Have to be specific...

Like of a woman you already found ugly did crystal meth for 7 years…

Yes, I would be concerned. I would be concerned whether or not she had the money to buy herself clothes. I would be concerned about her home life and if she was abused. I would be concerned about a lot of things, but I would NOT be concerned with my son dating her.
Like I said, get to know HER. What she looks like doesn't matter in the slightest. What makes your brother happy is what matters. He is 30 years old? He's an adult? Learning disability or not, he's old enough to make his own choices and/or mistakes and you are old enough to let him.

Nah I cant I dont approve of this women at all like I am concerned as my brother cant discern friend and foe, he’s been victim of identity fraud and all sorts because he is literally someone that settles for people who are dangerous and ugh im gonna rant

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Hey, I have brown eyes! I always kinda wished I had a rarer eye color, or just rarer features in general (the good kind, not the bad).

But really though, where did he meet her, what interests or traits do they have in common?

I can't imagine him mingling with actual homeless and/or women, since he is neither homeless nor unhealthy himself.

I hate brown eyes, I have brown eyes it makes me insane my brother is blue eyed, hence my preference for him is someone else with blue eyes but he just laughs at me and says no man cares about that but they look good on you Ska fishy!

I think he met her online and he doesn't understand shes not a normal girl

 

[Punisher]

When's the last time he's had a girlfriend? Maybe this "ugly" woman is the best he can do.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I hate brown eyes, I have brown eyes it makes me insane my brother is blue eyed, hence my preference for him is someone else with blue eyes but he just laughs at me and says no man cares about that but they look good on you Ska fishy!

I think he met her online and he doesn't understand shes not a normal girl

Aw, thanks for thinking my eyes suit me I guess they work for the rest of me, a different color would clash with it.

However, without knowing that much, I have to say I'm with the others on this, where there might be more to this person than her looks, and that she should be given a chance.

The only exception I would make is, if she is in some way actually dangerous. Then I would say break it off.

 

[Unsigned]

Like of a woman you already found ugly did crystal meth for 7 years…

Ok then.
So Defcon 5 Jocelyn Wildenstein ugly. Gotcha.
Yeah...you have to extract him from that situation ASAP.
That is your mission.
You have 2 weeks to complete it.
Go with God.
This message will self destruct in 5 seconds...

 

[randomguy]

Is she as ugly as some of the ugliness being posted in this thread?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Is she as ugly as some of the ugliness being posted in this thread?

Ooooh where have you been Randomguy

Honestly its not like she has a big nose or small nose or things like that, just looks like someone suffering with a drug addiction

 

[TheRealCallie]

Go with God.

Nothing about this thread is Godly. Sorry.

 

[blackdot]

Dang it. Us ugly people are not supposed to date anyone.

 

[okidoke]

Ooooh where have you been Randomguy

Honestly its not like she has a big nose or small nose or things like that, just looks like someone suffering with a drug addiction

If she’s a drug addict her looks are the least to be worried about.