(12-29-2016, 09:00 AM)Skyless Wrote: No sarcasm at all Selene more me just dating myself a bit in amusement at the happy contradiction of discussing a lack of openness with someone being so incredibly open
No apology necessary, what part was rude? I assure you I don't own a fainting couch In fact, I was impressed that you defend your positions and states of mind when you feel they are being misrepresented, especially when someone is just trouncing around in your thoughts and problems. Also, by the fact that you let that part of yourself be open for an outside perspective, some people go through their whole lives without being able to do that, the "unspoiled echo chambers of right and virtue" lol.
In terms of the spectrum, I suppose I am of the mind that sometimes you honestly have to be an unapologetic asshole to protect the people closest to you and yourself, to set clear barriers and eject harmful people from your life. To lay out exactly how you expect to be treated and accept nothing less no matter how that makes you look. The balances I am more concerned about are: when to fight and when to concede I am wrong, how to keep having to be hard out of situations it doesn't belong and out of the lives of the people I care about, the real and very tangible effects of my actions on others, especially when they are depending on me. The degree to which I should show empathy and give support or lead and push by example. When and how to reciprocate caring shown towards me and or how to recognize it and appreciate it when it's there. How to tell the difference between someone acting with agency or through circumstance. I suppose with that kind of focus is hard for me to find the mental energy or to think or worry excessively over every reaction or opinion someone can have to what I might have to say. I know this is somewhat tangential to our discussion but I don't think its entirely unrelated if we are discussing approaches
Thanks again for the great chat Selene, I'm quite confident you have everything you need to knock this problem down along with those walls .
Well, I pondered the topic for a long time before deciding to make a thread, so it went from my no-no list to "who cares". It's not opening up that much, I think, it's the right amount to illustrate my point. Not safe to really open up in public, in my opinion.
To be completely understood I need to stir you into the actual problem at hand, I watched a lot of threads going berserk because of it and the issues weren't even mentioned on some of those times. I know that no progress can be achieved when you're just surrounded by people that are exactly like you, maybe that's a good position to get to when you're self-reliant - allthough it's always good to meet different kinds of people -, but I'm not there yet, the feedback is still needed.
"To lay out exactly how you expect to be treated and accept nothing less no matter how that makes you look."
I can only respect this. But I would say nothing less and nothing more, too terrifying to be put in a pedestal.
Are you a parent? Got the dad vibe with that. You seem to be overthinking too, but with a good amount of rationality since those are very relevant concerns.
Thank you! It's always very nice to have these interactions.
(12-29-2016, 06:03 PM)Paraiyar Wrote: I think a lot of people that are above average intelligence tend to be more self-conscious, maybe because they over think things and possibly also because they've had the experience of a lot of people not 'getting' them a lot and that makes them more wary of opening up.
That's a good point. It's a vicious cycle, really. People don't get them, they become self-conscious and don't open up, which makes it even harder for people to understand them.