D
DarkSelene
Guest
I'm still trying to figure out where this comes from. I know there's a lot to do with how self-conscious I am, also - I don't like blaming it on this but maybe it's appropriate - an ounce of low self-esteem too... I do feel like there's something more to the mix, thought of anxiety but at this point it's already easy to deal with, even if it's in there, I don't think it would be what bothers me.
It's funny because I'm very rational about people, seeing their shortcomings/weaknesses don't make me think less of them. But it's good to have total perspective of who you're dealing with, not just expecting the best out of everyone and ignoring any red flags. I know that we're all flawed after all, and if I have this in mind how come I'm still too freaked out to approach those who I find remotely interesting?!
Actually, I think that what really bothers me is the outcome for such a stupid fear. I can't speak my mind properly, can't share knowledge that well, can't be witty or fun. Ok, let's face it, I come off as a pretty insignificant and mostly very boring person... and that's part of the fear, I think. I know I'm not that, at least not all the time, but I still get too scared that I'll be bothering everyone, not being interesting enough to keep the conversation going or making people answer me based on politeness alone (one of the reasons why I value honesty so much), I prefer someone being blunt than treating me the way they think it's right - even if they're bored as hell interacting with me.
I like serious conversations, serious topics. I get intrigued by intelligent and confident (about speaking their minds) people, people that can elaborate on a subject and make me think of it - even when we don't agree on what's being said -, people that are serious too. I often have something in mind that I would want to talk about with them, usually want to pick their brains but a lot of factors get in the way and then I just can't take the first step...
...so, insecurity makes me intimidated and that ends up controlling my interactions and preventing me from getting into discussions I would really like to be in, with people I would like to know more about. I don't even know if this is an issue that can be solved since I'm mostly closed off and people would just think I have nothing to say or I'm not interested in talking further, I don't know.
I would like to know other's perspective on this, not on me especifically, but on feeling intimidated and... what to do to change this?
It's funny because I'm very rational about people, seeing their shortcomings/weaknesses don't make me think less of them. But it's good to have total perspective of who you're dealing with, not just expecting the best out of everyone and ignoring any red flags. I know that we're all flawed after all, and if I have this in mind how come I'm still too freaked out to approach those who I find remotely interesting?!
Actually, I think that what really bothers me is the outcome for such a stupid fear. I can't speak my mind properly, can't share knowledge that well, can't be witty or fun. Ok, let's face it, I come off as a pretty insignificant and mostly very boring person... and that's part of the fear, I think. I know I'm not that, at least not all the time, but I still get too scared that I'll be bothering everyone, not being interesting enough to keep the conversation going or making people answer me based on politeness alone (one of the reasons why I value honesty so much), I prefer someone being blunt than treating me the way they think it's right - even if they're bored as hell interacting with me.
I like serious conversations, serious topics. I get intrigued by intelligent and confident (about speaking their minds) people, people that can elaborate on a subject and make me think of it - even when we don't agree on what's being said -, people that are serious too. I often have something in mind that I would want to talk about with them, usually want to pick their brains but a lot of factors get in the way and then I just can't take the first step...
...so, insecurity makes me intimidated and that ends up controlling my interactions and preventing me from getting into discussions I would really like to be in, with people I would like to know more about. I don't even know if this is an issue that can be solved since I'm mostly closed off and people would just think I have nothing to say or I'm not interested in talking further, I don't know.
I would like to know other's perspective on this, not on me especifically, but on feeling intimidated and... what to do to change this?