Obsession with authority as friends..

I am a loner. I'd like friends but don't click or get along with anyone. My last friend was 12 years ago. When I say that, I mean it. I haven't had anybody..yes ANYBODY since then. No aqauintances either. I have tried online and have been bullied on forums, tumblr,and online communities and just couldn't find anybody. I have tried church and everything I knew how. But they go away from me and don't like me.
No one liked me or was interested in me.I have tried. They formed their own little cliques or friendships within each other and I wasn't "allowed in" either online or in RL. I left school at age 16/17 for several reasons and had no one there. I hid and skipped school as I couldn't take the bullying and loneliness. It's been 9 years since I've been on the Internet..can you believe I've found NO ONE? There was a time when I thought I had someone..then they admitted they bullied me and bad mouthed me and didn't care. I have been pretty badly cyber bullied. 

I joined a mental health place last month, where we do crafts, mosaics and exercise and other things. It is for those under the mental health system. It is a program that looks like it has run for about 20 years. They run in terms. So they have probably an influx of about 30 people per term. Heaps right now. The odd person will say hi but I feel so "out of place" there and can't wait to get home. I'm so miserable there. 

One of the staff members has a thing towards me. She is rough as anything...a character I could never click with. I'll call her S. She Swears constantly, loud and obviously she doesn't like me as I'm the total opposite. She has shown she doesn't like me several times. For some reason after she smiled at me once, I wanted her to like me. Since then I want her to like me. But she ignores me and is kind of a b****. Sorry I have several proofs of her dislike for me I have journaled.

For some reason I want to be liked by the staff there and not the "clients". I've always been drawn to older people or people in the "authority" as friends. I remember in the past doing things I shouldn't have done in the past, reaching out to old teachers, drawing pictures and emailing, adding on Facebook (of course denied) and other things. Every experience ended bad. 

There is one staff member there who drives me home. She is nice and I'm stupid because I really want her as my friend. But she is nice to everyone and I'm just a client. I have been stupid and found her online and her Pinterest even! I can't add as I'm just a client, she is friends with the other staff and it would be mega creepy and I know by experience I'll be rejected. I want to get over it. she is nice to everyone. Im nobody special  :club:

I'm just fed up 12 years now..just being in my room alone and sad. Wishing I had an outlet. Wishing I could play board games with someone. Wishing I could send funny snaps to on snapchat. Wishing I could just be a friend with.

Several members of the chat room play games together. They aren't board games, but maybe you'd like to check it out.

Depends on the game I don't know how to play much.

I see them talking about Cards against humanity a lot. And um....something about salem. Not sure what that one is.

I have no idea how to play any games lol. I've tried online gaming communities and they were saying to me "WTF!" As I was just clicking like on the game love letter..etc. I have a mental problem where I can't follow instructions or understand really well. I can do Jenga and I think the game of life..

Eternitydreamer said:

I have no idea how to play any games lol. I've tried online gaming communities and they were saying to me "WTF!" As I was just clicking like on the game love letter..etc. I have a mental problem where I can't follow instructions or understand really well. I can do Jenga and I think the game of life..

Click to expand...

If you ever do decide to join in for a game we'll be patient!

OP, I can personally relate to your story here. Granted, I do have a handful of people I would consider close friends. I can so relate to being bullied and ostricized though. If you want a friend, Im right here. Granted, im not exactly what you would call "normal". I am a furry after all, I dont know how tou personally feel about furries, but hey Im good to people who are good to me. So if you wanna be friends, its up to you.

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Have to add one more thing here since its not letting me edit my post, while I do have a few friends, most of the people who I considered "friends" in the past have stabbed me in the back in one way or another so I jave a hard time trusting people. Im sure you can relate to that based on your OP.

SEND ME FUNNY SNAPCHATSSSS!!!!!


no one ever does.