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How should someone (normal) be in their 30s?
#1
Hey everyone, I'll get straight to the point.
I want to change or, at least, improve my life, but given how little I know about life, I want to hear some suggestions.
Accomplishments, experiences, developments, important or miniscule, ideal or meaningless, it doesn't matter, go crazy on your answers.
Oh, and, by the way, I'll probably be asking for some details on some responses, that's how green I am when it comes to life in general.
I don't even know how to use washing machines or cook bacon and eggs.  Toungue

EDIT: Maybe this'll help, some of it is outdated, but for the most part, it's still the same.
https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=36193
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#2
(08-31-2017, 03:43 AM)AnonymousMe Wrote: Hey everyone, I'll get straight to the point.
I want to change or, at least, improve my life, but given how little I know about life, I want to hear some suggestions.
Accomplishments, experiences, developments, important or miniscule, ideal or meaningless, it doesn't matter, go crazy on your answers.
Oh, and, by the way, I'll probably be asking for some details on some responses, that's how green I am when it comes to life in general.
I don't even know how to use washing machines or cook bacon and eggs.  Toungue

That's a really broad question to answer. It also depends on what, in detail, your life actually is. For example, use washing machines or cook bacon and eggs...who the hell does your cleaning? lol.
Only way to live life is to live it. Only way to live it is try and fail at things you've never tried before.
I still remember my first attempt at a desert pancake with my ex, 15 years latter she still laughs about it. It was uncooked, the strawberries were burnt and the whole thing tasted like a bowl of flour with water in it.
But I ate it anyway. 'CAUSE. ;-)
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#3
The only thing in my life I have figured out, is I have nothing Figured out. Everything falls apart, And Yet I keep managing to fight through it. I tell myself I want to change I want to be someone new, I want a new persona, and New personality, a New life in a way. But cold hard truth is This life, this personality, and this Persona is Mine, a bourdon I bare, I can only live the best I can, I try to fix the area's I need to fix, But nothing is a over night fix, and no pills can change your own personality. now sorry for that small rant.

really Life is just a learning curve, My gramps would always tell me it didn't matter how old you are, You still going to be Learning and exploring new things, (maybe because you forget as you get older lol) but Being Green in life is just being Human, you just have to explore a new avenue in life you never have before, something that might peak your interest. why not cook bacon and eggs, lol. only way I learned to cook them was to just do it. Now I cook my bacon on the grill and man does it taste 10 times better than anything else. and that was just me seeing how it be cooked on the grill. now i am hungry.

I think each person just has to find that one thing in life that defines them for better and for worse. whatever that is, it's based on each individual and their own limitations. I know my reply is probably useless, and Others will have better answers to give. but it is a broad question to answer.
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#4
By age 30, one should:

- be completely divorced from the control and/or will of one's parents
- have developed a strong work ethic
- have developed some level of emotional intelligence - empathy, understanding, compromise, teamwork, etc
- be able to understand the need for goals and the ability to logically develop them (in writing, if need be)
- have broken free from much of the bullshit societal conditioning pumped in by schools and media
- have appropriate hygiene and an awareness of one's own need for good hygiene
- not play video games more than five hours per week (yes, I picked an arbitrary number)
- be able to put needs before wants and to know the difference between the two
- understand the importance of not procreating if you cannot afford to feed/clothe/shelter the child
- not rationalize living in parents' basement as a permanent and acceptable state of being
- not be obsessed with having "friends" and a "group" to "hang out with"
- understand what it means to be a net asset rather than a net liability on society
- not keep returning to school in order to avoid hard work for decades (eventually you have to work and earn an income)
- be able to conceptualize the importance of introspection
- have come to learn what a paradigm is and why paradigm shifts are important for maturing
- not opt for the cold comfort of cognitive dissonance rather than admitting hard truths

These are just a few.
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#5
I find the list to be a bit simpler.

-Be responsible
-Be mature
-Stop worrying about being "normal" There is no "normal"
-Don't obsess and overthink everything
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#6
(08-31-2017, 03:46 AM)Richard_39 Wrote: That's a really broad question to answer.

(08-31-2017, 01:40 PM)HangmanNoose Wrote: I know my reply is probably useless, and Others will have better answers to give. but it is a broad question to answer.

I said to go crazy with your answers.

(08-31-2017, 03:44 PM)bleed_the_freak Wrote: These are just a few.

Hmm, I have lots of work to do... but thanks for the great response and tips.

(08-31-2017, 07:52 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: -Stop worrying about being "normal"  There is no "normal"

Yeah, but nobody likes losers and I want to stop being one.
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#7
(09-01-2017, 10:42 AM)AnonymousMe Wrote:
(08-31-2017, 07:52 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: -Stop worrying about being "normal"  There is no "normal"

Yeah, but nobody likes losers and I want to stop being one.

That's simple too (notice I didn't say easy....)
Stop thinking of yourself as a loser and you won't be one.   The only person that can make you a loser is yourself.  No one is a loser.  It doesn't matter what haters think, it only matters what you and people that care about you think.
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#8
*sigh*

Well, thanks for your time everyone, I guess I'll focus on getting the bare necessities first, even if that means settling in in a low wage job.
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#9
First thing, stop the negative talk. In other words, don't call yourself a loser or anything else. Don't say you hate yourself. Anytime you catch yourself saying that, interrupt, say "STOP IT!" either out loud or in your mind. Something that I believe in, is self-talk.

I used to hate running. With a passion. Yet I have to be physically fit for my job and running is something we are tested on. So somewhere around age 36, I decided to change that. I quit saying "I hate running". I started to tell myself "I love to run", "I enjoy running", "running is fun". They were all lies, I knew it, but I kept doing it. And if I was alone or in a place that no one could hear me, I would say it outloud. I believe saying these things (goals) outloud helps you to accomplish them. I'm 45 now and I do enjoy running, I like running, and even when I was injured and couldn't run for nearly a year, I actually missed running and couldn't wait to start it again. (I am not up to "love to run" yet.)

When I say these things, I say each phrase 3 times and as you can see, I have multiple phrases about the same thing. For your memory say "I have a great memory", "I recall information quickly and easily", "I have clarity of thought and focus". Each phrase 3x and stand up (studies show you remember better when standing than sitting.)

I would also recommend going for one hour walk/runs. From your previous post, you said 15 minutes running, the rest walking. I am currently working on that. Right now, I walk 10 minutes to warm up, run for 3:30, walk to 90 seconds, repeat 7x, then cool down walk of 5 minutes. (I'm recovering from a motorcycle accident.) Eventually, I will be running 5K again and I hope to get up to 10K and maybe a half marathon. The next day, I just walk for one hour. My body cannot handle running multiple days in a row (knee and ankle issues.) Oh and don't forget to stretch afterwards. You'll need to do that more and more as you get older.

Help your mom with the cooking. Tell your mom you want to learn and help her. My mom once told me that I would regret not learning to cook with her (when I was a teenager). You know what? I did, when I was 27, and a single parent of 2 kids. Our weekly dinners were: Mac N Cheese two nights, McDonalds two nights, cereal one night, hot dogs one night, spaghetti one night. It was very frustrating. I typically microwaved veggies and had a side of fruit with each dinner as well (minus McDonald's and cereal nights). Three of my coworkers took pity on me and started to help me diversify. One of them was telling me how to make pot roast (very easy) and they said "dice up potatoes" to which I responded that I did not own a "dicer". They laughed and explained that the "dicer" was a knife. You like spending time on the internet, look up recipies. Look up cooking videos. It's a match made in heaven!

The most important thing out of this is to stop the negative talk though. I have almost no positive influences in my life. The easiest way for me to avoid getting down is to not contribute to it. (This goes with music especially! I have play list called "Broken" and "Goodbye" and I try not to listen to those songs anymore. They do not help. I only stopped listening to these within the past year when I wanted to end my life. I took a moment and contacted someone and that was one of her recommendations. It has helped a lot. It hasn't made me happier, but it has kept me from experiencing lower lows.)

I hope this helps. You have so much you want to change, but you cannot work on it all at the same time. It's not possible. Baby steps. Take baby steps.

Oh and one last thing, as someone else said, there is no such thing as normal.

Feel free to PM me.
Why do I make up conversations and scenarios in my head that will never happen in reality...
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