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No friends for almost 10 years
#1
Hi Guys I'm a 24 Years old University Student and come from a rather small country in europe.

I have a very big problem that really bothers me and it seems I am the only person who has it in this severity. 

Outside of my family (and even in my family) I don't know anyone who I could go out with or even talk to. When I was a child I never had a lot of friends but when I wanted I still found someone to play with or I played with my brother and his friends. 

When I was 15 years old I got into a school where I got bullied heavily (there were also some other Kids who got bullied but when I joined that class they focused mainly on me).

The reason for the bullying was that I was ugly and I still, to this day, think that this is my biggest problem and the one that's holding me and my social life back the most. I also have to say that I never had a girlfriend in my life, which further strenghtens this belief, and thus I still think that this is the main reasons people avoid me.

When I finished the school and went to the "higher" school (I think you would call it high school) I unfortunately had one of those kids in my class who bullied me in the previous school, which he continued to do, and that prevented me from making friends in that new class even after he left the class. I only managed to make some friends in the 3rd year at that school but at the end of the 3rd year I had to leave the school because one of the teachers, which was also an important figure in the school had a strong dislike towards me and gave me very bad grades in the 2 subjects where I had him as a teacher. 

When I left the school I went to a boarding school (I was around 19/20). At first I thought I would hate it but it turned out the other students there were actually really cool people and in retrospect I have to say that I really liked it there.

After I finished school I came to the university in which I am still today (Now is 3 years later) and sadly I have to say that I did not make ANY friends in that time. I recognize that I was too passive in the beginning and should have approached them but what really puts me down that noone in all this time even bothered to approach and talk to me even if they saw me in the lecture almost daily. 

I initially tried to make friends but I gave up really fast after a few weeks and just decided to be alone. The first 2 Years I was at Uni, I lived in complete isolation and did not go out even once(!) discounting the few times I met some family members. Then after 2 years somewhere in the summer I met someone from the boarding school I had been to. We hung out, it was really nice and I remembered how much fun it was to be out drinking and being social and soon became very sad when I realized how I wasted so much time, so I decided to change.

Sadly it did not go exactly how I wanted: I tried to talk to more people in the Uni and some talked to me but after a while they kind of stopped. I started (especially in this summer to take matters into my own heads and do stuff on my own, thus I went to vacation in a hostel and went to a famous music festival by myself or with people I met online. 

But I still don't have any friends and I dont know where I can get any, I really don't want to continue university even if I have one year left but I don't know what else I should do. 

I have to say that I dont really care much about getting a good job or a girlfriend at the moment, I just want someone to hang out with but I think many people look at me as weird or just ugly when they see me and dont want to have anything to do with me. I am currently living alone in my small apartment.

Now I dont know what to do:

Should I join a shared apartment? A dorm? 

Should I continue with university or get a job / start an apprenticeship?

I'm sorry for the text wall but I hope someone might still read it and can give me tips or answers to my problem 

Thank you for reading.
Reply
#2
You're asking for advice eh? If it was me I'd finish with the university. It's better to finish what you start. You may not care about getting a good job now and would rather have someone to hang out with instead, but I'm betting that with a good job you're more likely to find someone to hang out with than if you were an unemployed university dropout.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

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#3
Hey!
Well, if you ask for advice.
Dorm is complicated thing. While you might find more peopel around you, it will not lead to some certain friendships with peopel there. After all, you might jsut have little in common wtih those around in dorm.
Does your university have any hobby clubs which might interest you, even a bit? This might be a good start - at such places people are often more accepting to a newcomer, as for them he's sharing at least this hobby same as they do, so it makes even initial contact less awkward. Might work!
And I'd support previous answer - if you can get a university degree, better get it. Having it will grant you much more chances in life to be surrounded by like minded people, accepting friends and so on. You will increase your chances in life, and it's important.
Message me if you wanna talk!
Contro l'oro c'è il sangue - e fa la storia!
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#4
Hi,

I have had similar life experiences to you and I recommend that you stay in university and graduate because in the end, credentialism is what it takes to get a good job. With regards to getting friends, joining a club might help.
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#5
Thank you for your replies guys

I just want to clarify that I did not necessarily mean to abandon university completely. What I had in mind was doing a year of working, or just doing something else then uni stuff and learning and maybe meeting new people through that but if you think it's better I finish my bachelor first then maybe that's the better option and it's probably too late to find another option  now as we're already in September.... Sadly, the bachelor in my field of study does not qualify one for a job as you would need a masters first.
Also getting even a Masters degree does not necessarily get you a job where I live, I know people who have a masters at a renowned University and are still struggling to find a job
 (I dont want to name my major here openly due to privacy)

But like I said, what I will be working and what I study is only secondary for me at the moment, I really want to improve my social life first
Reply
#6
(09-06-2018, 06:43 AM)Hi there, thank you for sharing. Do you usually get anxious when meeting new people or were you shy approaching them? If it’s your social circle you are trying to expand, I think you have to overcome the fear of being rejected. Go with an open mind and heart that not everyone you meet or talk to will eventually end up to be your Friend. But taking the first time to talk help you to practice to be social. I’m a shy person by nature and I only talk to people whom I can click. After meeting various people in your life, you kinda know what kind of people you want in your circle. Work towards that direction. Don’t give up on your Uni just yet. Focus on completing it and becoming the best version of yourself. Friendship and relationship will come naturally. Believe me when I say being social doesn’t come naturally for everyone. EAch of us have to work through our own quirks, be confident that it’s ok to be different from everyone else and see where life takes you from there. Hope this helps! God bless! StainedClass Wrote: Hi Guys I'm a 24 Years old University Student and come from a rather small country in europe.

I have a very big problem that really bothers me and it seems I am the only person who has it in this severity. 

Outside of my family (and even in my family) I don't know anyone who I could go out with or even talk to. When I was a child I never had a lot of friends but when I wanted I still found someone to play with or I played with my brother and his friends. 

When I was 15 years old I got into a school where I got bullied heavily (there were also some other Kids who got bullied but when I joined that class they focused mainly on me).

The reason for the bullying was that I was ugly and I still, to this day, think that this is my biggest problem and the one that's holding me and my social life back the most. I also have to say that I never had a girlfriend in my life, which further strenghtens this belief, and thus I still think that this is the main reasons people avoid me.

When I finished the school and went to the "higher" school (I think you would call it high school) I unfortunately had one of those kids in my class who bullied me in the previous school, which he continued to do, and that prevented me from making friends in that new class even after he left the class. I only managed to make some friends in the 3rd year at that school but at the end of the 3rd year I had to leave the school because one of the teachers, which was also an important figure in the school had a strong dislike towards me and gave me very bad grades in the 2 subjects where I had him as a teacher. 

When I left the school I went to a boarding school (I was around 19/20). At first I thought I would hate it but it turned out the other students there were actually really cool people and in retrospect I have to say that I really liked it there.

After I finished school I came to the university in which I am still today (Now is 3 years later) and sadly I have to say that I did not make ANY friends in that time. I recognize that I was too passive in the beginning and should have approached them but what really puts me down that noone in all this time even bothered to approach and talk to me even if they saw me in the lecture almost daily. 

I initially tried to make friends but I gave up really fast after a few weeks and just decided to be alone. The first 2 Years I was at Uni, I lived in complete isolation and did not go out even once(!) discounting the few times I met some family members. Then after 2 years somewhere in the summer I met someone from the boarding school I had been to. We hung out, it was really nice and I remembered how much fun it was to be out drinking and being social and soon became very sad when I realized how I wasted so much time, so I decided to change.

Sadly it did not go exactly how I wanted: I tried to talk to more people in the Uni and some talked to me but after a while they kind of stopped. I started (especially in this summer to take matters into my own heads and do stuff on my own, thus I went to vacation in a hostel and went to a famous music festival by myself or with people I met online. 

But I still don't have any friends and I dont know where I can get any, I really don't want to continue university even if I have one year left but I don't know what else I should do. 

I have to say that I dont really care much about getting a good job or a girlfriend at the moment, I just want someone to hang out with but I think many people look at me as weird or just ugly when they see me and dont want to have anything to do with me. I am currently living alone in my small apartment.

Now I dont know what to do:

Should I join a shared apartment? A dorm? 

Should I continue with university or get a job / start an apprenticeship?

I'm sorry for the text wall but I hope someone might still read it and can give me tips or answers to my problem 

Thank you for reading.
Reply


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