20+ years of loneliness

AmyTheTemperamental said:

You've doomed your perfect relationship (which will not be "perfect" btw) before it has even happened. You are talking about not committing to fantasy relationships. Of course you're not going to see anything worthy in the real life interactions; you're too busy in your head.

If you want someone to commit to you, you have to be willing to commit to them. You don't get to go around simply dipping your toe in and expect huge results.

There's nothing wrong with being alone, independent and confident in your own life. Why does 2 and a half years have to be failure? What have you learned about yourself in those instances?  

I assume you're not on your deathbed.

Any time I start conversation with a girl that I'm interested in dating it always feels like to me that I have to put in all of the effort into maintaining contact and initiating a conversation. To me that does not feel fair. A relationship is supposed to be 50/50. All the effort should not be made by one person. And I feel like I fall into this every time I talk to someone new. Essentially if I don't say "hello" to them first, then neither of us will talk to each other again. Doesn't seem to matter how much we have in common are much we like to talk to each other. If I don't initiate the conversation first then we will lose touch and not talk to each other after about a week or two.

I want to feel like I'm valued. Or at least valued the same way that I value the person I'm talking to. That means if you really like talking to someone you can't wait to tell them good morning or good night. And I never get that with anyone that I talked to. I should not be the sole reason as to why a conversation started

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Phantimos said:

So late twenties and 2 and half years of trying. That doesn't sound bad at all man. I know how it can feel to see others just "be" with each other and feeling alone in being in your state but look at the facts.

You can get girls for sex (Which i do not recommend if you're looking for the real thing), meaning you can talk to girls just fine. I would advise you to look for a person with which you have chemistry first before anything. Maybe try just talking to her to get a sense of who she is first?

Also, its great that you have confidence in yourself. (Although i am not sure what that means for your case as some use that phrase as an excuse to be ********). Never compromise that, being with someone you love means being completely comfortable being yourself around them and vice-versa.

I would need more info about what doesn't work for you in these relationships to give more specific advice.

Anyway, hope it helps.

The relationship only lasted eight months. That's why I consider it two years of failure because I was not single for a very short part of my life. Just a blip on the radar. It's embarrassing and depressing to think about. Especially because, and believe me I know every guy thinks this, but I know how much of a good person I am. I have a good job, dress well,, I care about my appearance, I'm kind and it just feels like fat slobs with deadbeat jobs that physically and mentally abuse their partners get women easily. But people like me can never find anyone. After a while that really deters you and can give you a defeatist attitude about finding someone. Unless you've gone through a similar situation you'll never understand what a male like this goes through.

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