Moral dilemma

[mcas123]

I've had a 3 year on/off relationship with someone, we were about to get serious again when I had some bad news. Short version, I've got a few months left to live.

I prefer to be alone (hence the relationship issues) but now I find myself needing someone. I don't want anyone to know what's happening, especially her, as I hate all the grief nonsense.

Purely for selfish reasons I want to be with her for a while then breakup before I get too ill, is this wrong?

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I don't really know the answer...

You could pull an Obi-wan Kenobi and just say, "Hey, I'd really like for things to be back on with us, but, just so you are aware, I'll be, 'leaving for back home,' in X months."

Truth from a certain point of view thing.

I suppose if it was me, and the person in question had some genuine feelings / attachment, but, I also didn't really want them to know...? I dunno. I suppose the prime concern would be their feelings. So, starting things up, only to let some one down, just cuz I don't want to be alone, is kind of cruel. It'd also be kind of cruel to tell them the Truth, in the hopes they might have some sympathy and spend more time with me.

So, I dunno. I suppose it depends on the nature of the relationship. I think I'd like to know what was going on with some one I deeply cared about, under a circumstance as you describe. Though, I'd also understand, or have to understand, that they didn't want to tell me right away. But, I think I'd want to know, at some point, so as have some time to prepare, so, I could be with them, or at least say my goodbye, if they didn't want me around towards the very end.

Sorry to hear about this news @mcas123

I hope every moment, whatever you decide, is rich, and beautiful.

In a snap judgement I think: don't be alone if you don't have to! Love and be loved if you can! Live it up!

 

[okidoke]

Welcome to the forum. That's a tricky question. The tricky part is, we don't know what the other person is like. we don't know their philosophies, their feelings about death, their experience of death and illness, how they feel about you. So many factors. You obviously know her much better than we do. I guess you just don't know how she will feel about you during the short time you might have with her, and what you will do to her either way, because, let's face it, she WILL find out later, and so how will that leave her? Why not just be honest and tell her that you want her to know about your condition, that you want to have some quality time with her and that you don't want all the stuff you say is nonsense? If she's too much with her feelings, you can quit her I guess. Also, you say "nonsense' but when we look at ourselves honestly, it's nice to know someone cares. Sure they don't have to get all flowery over your situation, but showing some feeling is fine, isn't it? You don't want a person to be a hard, non-caring, buttwipe. Sorry to hear about you situation. You must have lots going through your mind. Feel free to spew whatever feelings you want here.

 

[Sir Joseph]

I've had a 3 year on/off relationship with someone, we were about to get serious again when I had some bad news. Short version, I've got a few months left to live.

I prefer to be alone (hence the relationship issues) but now I find myself needing someone. I don't want anyone to know what's happening, especially her, as I hate all the grief nonsense.

Purely for selfish reasons I want to be with her for a while then breakup before I get too ill, is this wrong?

Yours is an extraordinarily intriguing post and a delicate issue for anyone to address. It's important enough though to warrant all the responses possible, so here's my Christian perspective which you're free to consider or ignore.

I think that from an objective Christian view AND a relative secular view, the morality question is easily answered. It'd be seriously wrong to mislead someone into a relationship just to use them for your own selfish reasons knowing that they'd be deceived and hurt in the process. In other words, your feelings are not more important than her feelings - at least, they shouldn't be from an outside judging perspective.

If you really want her company for your final days here in this life, I'd suggest that you do the honest, right thing and confide the truth in her. Let her then decide whether she wants to be a part of that.

Otherwise, I don't know what your religious views are, but I'd encourage you to make the most of your remaining time here by reassessing your faith, purpose in life, and unknown future. As a Christian getting old myself, I'm feeling my own mortality, not liking this physical degradation process that rakes us all sooner or later. The only thing that gives me comfort is having an intimate relationship with the Lord and knowing that I have a glorious new body, world, and eternal life to look forward to after this one. If you don't have that assured salvation and future hope, then perhaps you need more than just the company of a girlfriend.

 

[movinggirl]

Yes and it is selfish. If you want to be with her then tell her the truth. If you simply can't tell her, leave her alone.

 

[okidoke]

So, where are you at with all this? You posted once and we've never heard from you again, like so many often do, which I struggle to tolerate to be honest.