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Newbie introduction
#1
Never thought loneliness would creep into my life, always enjoyed living in my own skin but recently it has.

Cutting a long story short, always had a woman in my life since 1986!

First 9 year relationship broke down 

Then single for 3 months, met who was to become my wife and after a whirlwind romance, married 9 months later. Had a child together 4 years later, who is now grown up but I left my wife mutually when my daughter was 8.

Single for 3 months, then met who was to become my 2nd wife. Sadly, after a 7 year battle with cancer, she passed away last year. I loved her dearly, even if it was tough at times.

Single for 3 months!

Then met my latest woman, who I fell in love with (and she said she loved me), but we came at the relationship from different angles, her's from being happily single and devoted to work and me being widowed, craving that everyday feeling of having someone to get home to and wanting a long standing relationship again. I wanted more and started to feel lonely (saw her two - three times a week). 

We finished last week.  She did it, but it really wasn't going anywhere, just too much effort. A lovely lady, just the wrong time.

During the relationship, I went to a retreat and saw a spiritual healer. She told me that I should spend time alone if the relationship broke down. Get to know myself. She was the one who pointed out I'd had a woman in my life almost non-stop since 1986. She put this down to me growing up too early and feeling like an adult aged 5. My mum got hooked on prescription drugs for depression after seeing a boy knocked over and the boy dying in her arms, consequently struggled to give me the love and support I needed as a young boy. She felt I had needed female support and deep down probably craved it.

All fair enough. I got the logic.

So, here I am, single again but now aged 53.  I feel absolutely blessed to have had these lovely ladies in my life, to have found love, been married, had a child, had so much that some people never have. 

But, the loneliness has started to kick in and obviously stuck at home on the back of a breakup is not helping. But I am determined to stay single and not even look for another woman (after my wife died, I didn't want another, thought I'd die a lonely old man, but one did come along). I think the difference is now, that I want to find out about myself, do some travelling maybe, not jump in again.

But I might need some help along the way. I'm not afraid to ask. Equally I love helping others and I love to learn. So maybe along the way we can all help one another.

God bless you all x
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#2
Reading your post made me also think you needed to spend some time alone. You likely have no idea who you are really are without a woman in your life, so yeah, it's probably about time you figure that out.
It will be hard, but it's completely doable and it will be worth it. You will be astonished how much you can grow by finding yourself.

Welcome to the forum Smile
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
[Image: IMG_4388.jpg]
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#3
(03-25-2020, 08:41 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Reading your post made me also think you needed to spend some time alone.  You likely have no idea who you are really are without a woman in your life, so yeah, it's probably about time you figure that out.  
It will be hard, but it's completely doable and it will be worth it.  You will be astonished how much you can grow by finding yourself.  

Welcome to the forum Smile

Thank you.  I know what you're saying and it will be hard for sure.  I suppose I'm sort of 'conditioned' to be in a couple, being alone seems completely out of the norm - drifting like a stick in a river!  

Age doesn't help! Neither does having to stay indoors at the moment, and maybe for a while yet.  But I am determined not to 'go looking' or be won over by the first female that shows me any attention.  I also don't want to feel sorry for myself.

After my wife passed, I took up walking (was always an indoor person prior to that), my weight dropped 3st in 6 months, down to 14st, never felt fitter. But the real reason was a desire to get 'air in my lungs' after years of watching my wife suffering and caring for her. She had a horrendous battle, especially in her final 6 months, both mentally and physically. Cancer dominated our lives and took away our dreams of travelling and living in another country.  I also bought a cabriolet car, just so that I could feel the wind in my face!

My latest lady came along and I 'got on' with her really well. There was a spiritual connection and a 'spark', I felt truly blessed. I had no intention of seeking another woman, but I wasn't going to 'not' pursue someone who I obviously got on with well. It felt 'God-given'.

I feel sad about our break-up, but it really didn't look like it was going anywhere and quite possibly if it had then it would have been a mistake. Living together may well have turned out to be long and painful. So my gut feel says, it was right for her to end it.

Best wishes to you. I'm sure we'll talk again over the next few weeks/months/years!
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#4
(03-25-2020, 10:07 AM)Livebreathesmile Wrote: But, the loneliness has started to kick in and obviously stuck at home on the back of a breakup is not helping. But I am determined to stay single and not even look for another woman.

Welcome. The first part of the loneliness sure does suck. I've been happily single for the past decade. I found relationships just not worth the trouble. I have been camping, hunting, fishing, and mostly exploring a lot of the time. It's great to get out into the forest and hang out. It's even better to visit areas with petroglyphs, caves, and other interesting things.
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#5
Livebreathsmile, welcome to the forums where you'll find many people understanding and appreciating your circumstances.  So you're single again, facing mid-life assessment time, and saying:  "I think the difference is now, that I want to find out about myself, do some traveling maybe, not jump in again."

When I retired 5 years ago, I had to give up an extraordinary career that had been the focus of my life, especially since I never married or had a family.  Deciding what to redirect my time and attention to became a necessary priority.  Since then, traveling worldwide full time has certainly provided a means of interest and entertainment, but it hasn't provided a satisfying purpose to my life or replaced my career in defining who I am.  I too, like you feel now, have had to explore and find out about myself.

My Christian faith has always been a part of my life, but since losing my career, I have made it the center of my life. Doing so has not only kept me busy and focused on many interesting issues and projects, but its given me a purpose and identity in life that is immensely fulfilling.  It's also given me a better perspective on relationships, including my own prospects of finding a mate or remaining single forever.

I encourage you to travel, seek, and explore new places and interests, and to get outdoors, recreate, and exercise.  But I also remind you that life is about relationships - with our Creator and with others.

If you were a self professing atheist, I wouldn't have the same response for you.  But if you're not, I offer this video reference as a worthwhile watch.  It's a rather serious sermon, but an excellent one that might motivate you to steer a good path for your future - to not just find yourself, but to make yourself into what you were meant to be. 

https://youtu.be/d5xyYI9tNV8
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