A Maze of Lonelines

[soul_in_isolation]

I've spent 95% of my life looking for an exit point.
Even when I feel I'm getting closer to escaping, I just run into another wall.
I don't know, it might just be that companionship isn't part of everyone's destiny. I've considered simply accepting this for myself, except that it's so difficult to find peace of mind with this notion. I just become more upset, angry, and resentful if anything.

You'd be surprised to know this last month has actually been one of the better periods of my life. I have landed my own apartment, finally after years living in a miserable place. I feel pleased with this accomplishment, and I finally feel independent. Yet that old loneliness continues to show no signs of letting up. I can't help but wonder now that I'll be living in a studio by myself for the first time, if it will hit me even harder.

Thanx for reading.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^If you've never looked into it...

You may have chronic depression: an imbalance of serotonin and other neuro-chemicals in your brain that's affecting you this way.

I'd suggest seeing a doctor or psychiatrist about it if you feel that this is deeply affecting your day-to-day life.

Good luck!

 

[always.rising]

I find that when it comes to relationships life is full of dissapointments. It's hard for me to even cope with knowing that you will never be with someone who you'd do anything for. It's unfair the way life doesn't care about who you are when it slaps you in the face. After all my struggles so far all I have learned is no matter what you just have to leave the past in the past and keep moving forward.

As for loneliness it is hard to meet new decent people to even be friends with but you can't give up. I'd suggest playing an online game maybe. I've made some friends by playing games online and its a nice social tool if u use it right. If your not into games though, I guess you can try the old fashion way of going out to social events to meet people but that's a gamble. Anyways I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. Feel free to reply or pm me anytime. Okay!

 

[soul_in_isolation]

Thanks badjediddude, but I am already diagnosed with major depression, avoidant personality disorder and panic disorder and I am in therapy and being prescribed mediation. I suppose I should have included a mention of this in my original post, but I didn't feel up to writing too much about myself. I have made some progress with my treatment, including being able to move, but I find the least progress has been made in the area of making a friend. I found myself in the position earlier this year, of meeting someone and thinking I was getting close to them. Yet as with others in the past, this person drifted away from me. It was the first opportunity of sorts that I'd had in many years, and it seemed to be going so well initially. I tried my best to be socially open and available, beyond the limitations of my severe shyness. In the end, it doesn't look to have been about me that our friendship didn't pan out. The disappointment was so bad that it led me dwelling on the misery and pain of my loneliness more intensely than usual. As well as on missing this person, since they were such a great support, and so much like me.

Now with living alone in my new apartment, I...although there's no way I'd want to go back to living where I did (with my family), I wish I had this person around so bad. Or just a good friend in general.

 

[soul_in_isolation]

Hmm, that's it for responses. Sorry to be so attention-starved, but I guess I was sort of hoping for a few more welcomes. :/

 

[hellomiko]

Welcome hope you will find something from here. I don't really know what advice to give. Maybe you need to brush up your social skills - you can't do that without talking to people... And the more people you talk to the better you get at it. And eventually you will make friends the more you put yourself out there... Although it might take time. If you meet a person you like to hang out with let them know by suggesting something to do together. It's not just being available, you should also make events too. In the mean time, you should get some hobbies to occupy yourself (hobbies is also a good way to make friends through similar interests). And to meet people you need to put yourself in an environment where you can meet people e.g. online meet up, work, parties, volunteering etc....

 

[so very lonely]

Sorry I can't offer any words of advice as I am feeling exactly the same as you.

So perhaps I am chronically depressed too. I should see my doctor.

I've been in tears all day today after realising that I've been dumped by one of my "A Lonely Life" online friends. Hurts so much when people reject me.

 

[Jilted John]

Sorry I can't offer any words of advice as I am feeling exactly the same as you.

So perhaps I am chronically depressed too. I should see my doctor.

I've been in tears all day today after realising that I've been dumped by one my of "A Lonely Life" online friends. Hurts so much when people reject me.

So you got dump by an online "friend",it's not worth crying over,there are plenty more!

 

[so very lonely]

So you got dump by an online "friend",it's not worth crying over,there are plenty more!

Thanks. Guess I'm overly sensitive.
:club:

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

Welcome, first off.

I've spent 95% of my life looking for an exit point.

Average female life expectancy is 80 years! You're not even at the halfway point. This sort of defeatist attitude is hurtful in the long run.

Overcoming your level of depression is a process and I think joining ALL was a good first step. Especially considering your physical isolation in your new apartment. But try not to look at it like someplace you're alone at, you can make this place your home. Take pride in your new residence and eventually invite a guest or two over to share in the experience.

Time heals, all wounds.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[soul_in_isolation]

Thanks for the words Funkybuddha. Sorry about my desperate bid for responses, I wouldn't normally do that...but I guess my friend abandoning me has made me a vulnerable mess (as I hinted at when I mentioned my increased preoccupation with loneliness since his loss). I was close to believing he would be the one to change the course of my social life. He was that special, and the loss of his friendship continues to wreck me daily, even 5 months into things dying (I still spot him about once a week at a program we attend). I'm still not fully decided on whether I'm willing to put myself out there for another opportunity to get screwed...er I mean, "find companionship". I hate how he's deepened my pessimism about friendship, sometimes I hate him (even though he was never mean, and even though I still love the good he did).

So Jilted-john don't worry about feeling "sensitive". Even though yours was online friendship, the pain of loss and rejection is still pain. Heck i know that I'm sensitive, and that makes it that much harder to deal with this stuff.

I will try my best to explore my new environment and maybe in the process, will come to meet someone. If I don't, or if I remain too afraid to let someone in again, I can always thrust myself into new hobbies to occupy myself or something. Anything to survive even if I'm not happy. Wish me luck, I guess.

 

[Toshi]

I've spent 95% of my life looking for an exit point.
Even when I feel I'm getting closer to escaping, I just run into another wall.
I don't know, it might just be that companionship isn't part of everyone's destiny. I've considered simply accepting this for myself, except that it's so difficult to find peace of mind with this notion. I just become more upset, angry, and resentful if anything.

You'd be surprised to know this last month has actually been one of the better periods of my life. I have landed my own apartment, finally after years living in a miserable place. I feel pleased with this accomplishment, and I finally feel independent. Yet that old loneliness continues to show no signs of letting up. I can't help but wonder now that I'll be living in a studio by myself for the first time, if it will hit me even harder.

Thanx for reading.

Soul_In_Isolation
Do you want to feel better? I don't mean to sound stupid, but most people who suffer from chronic depression can be helped by anti-depressants. For long-term depression it's better to see a specialist (psychiatrist) because our chemistry is more complex (I suffered from long-term depression for decades).

If you are patient until the meds are adjusted so they are just right for you, you will be rewarded with energy and happiness.

What are you committed to? What is most meaningful to you? Your soul came here to do something and you will feel able when you take care of the chemical imbalance in your body. Consider seeing your family doctor and asking for a referral.