A poem from me

[Bluey]

lol I am not good with poetry cos I like only done probably this is the 3d time I ever tried to do any. But let me know what you think of my little poem I just tried to do Take the mick all you wont ppl lol


I was chill in.
I was sing-in.
I was on my own just thinking.
what a thing it would be to be comfortable to be on my own just chill-in.
I was thinking that I could be drink in but didn't wont to be sink-in.
That sinking you get when you go an do to much drinking.
So am still sate hear just think in.


That's all I could think of lol anyone got any tips for me

 

[evanescencefan91]

dude that could be a rap song,

i think you should rap it, that would be cool.

I was watching part of 8 mile the other day and i tried to write a rap,

but that's really cool, i like it

 

[Bluey]

oh your to nice I know am crap lol

Well I am not into rap at all so I do no why it ended up sounding like a rap lol I would lessen to some rap like salt N paper, Old school like Ow N ice ice baby I well try again to do some poetry when I got another idea on whet to do it about. Hopefully it well be better and a weeeeeee bit longer

 

[mink]

At least you got something there. Keep writing and practising, you'll get better at it.
Unlike me though lol..still stuck with a block even before ever since I got here. Oh well..

 

[lonewolf]

Its a good lil poem bluey, short n simple but i like it... and as you say a bit of unintentional rap. However...

I would lessen to some rap like ice ice baby

Are you referering here to Vanilla Ice's song... i hate it purely because of the blatant queen rip off.... lol... every time I hear it come on I think ooo its queens Under Pressure only to be let down by the words.. ice ice baby. lol

Well thats my little winge for the day.. but keep at it bluey, jobs a goodun.

 

[Bluey]

lol Jobs a goodun,,, where you get that saying from, I use to know someone that use to say that all the time

Am afraid to say that I am referring to the Vanilla Ice song yes. I did not know that it was a rip of from queen tho,, I absolutely love queen, Who doesn't.

Well I will try and do another one when the feeling takes me and am a bit board Thanks for the encouragement guys

 

[lonewolf]

lol its all part n parcel of the way we speak from where i am, with a good proper lancs / yorks accent to boot

 

[Larsen B]

Yep it's good Bluey!

With a bit of work it could be poetic. But it's lyrically fine. Got a guitar, keyboard...?