A Sex related question

[ThePsychologist]

Hey guys,

Just a warning before I start, I will be talking about sex in this topic, so if you do not want to read such a thing, please click the "back" button

So, last night we had sex again after two weeks of inactivity. This is due she works a lot and had the day off the next day, so she wouldnt be as tired. Aka, we finally could have sex.

But it sucked, for me.

Think we had around 30 minutes of foreplay, which was awesome, she then asked me "now what?" (she always does that), hate that part, it makes it all feel less spontanious. So I ask her if I should put a condom on, to which she agrees. I put it on and she starts to mastrubate and does not stop... she orgasms.

And there I am, ready to go, but she tells me that she's not horny anymore, turns around and asks me again: "now what?".

Seriously? I was living towards that night for the past two weeks and then she ruins it like that. She does not want to do anything after that and I am left unsatisfied.

I felt angry because it makes me feel likes she does not care about me. That after she's done, that that would be enough. Even before we started I told her that I probably would not sleep for the whole night if I did not orgasm. Still knowing this, she wasn't in the mood after she came to do anything about it.

After this all was done, we were laying in bed, I became quiet and she kept asking me if something was wrong in different ways. I said that I thought it was strange that after she came, she stops everything and left me unsatisfied. She laughed and thought it was strange for her to be doing something like that against her will.

After that I went into the shower and went to sleep.

This is the third time this happened. After she orgasms, she stops without my needs being fulfilled.

I somehow think that she does not want my penis inside of her because it hurts her sometimes. My penis is pretty big and she told me at some point that it's just too big for her. I think that's the reason why she often just mastrubates instead of having intercourse. Because she's finally horny then, she wants to end it on her terms, for her to have as much fun as possible without having to finish everything with her having pain.

Now that I'm on this topic, I think sex with us is kinda boring. We do the same everytime, there is no variaton. I think she would not want such a thing. The problem is is that she's in her head all the time, thinking about stuff she needs to do. This prevents her from being horny.

We only had sex in bed so far, I want to spice things up a bit and be a great lover, but I don't think she's open to that stuff. For example, when I try to maneuvre her above the sheets, she complains that it's too cold, while it's not cold at all. My guess she is insecure of her body and wants to hide it beneath the sheets.

I don't know. I'm pretty inexperienced and I think I feel insecure about sex, though I do my best to please her as much as possible, but it's hard to pull off.

I asked her what she likes, but she only answers in general answers which does not help. It's just so frustrating! She's not helping.

-----

Oh well.

To make things worse, that night I felt very intensly in a dream I had that she broke up with me. In the dream she told me she just does not love me anymore.

I awoke with that feeling and it felt terrible, I even believed it, untill I saw her slowly waking up next to me with a smile on her face

I don't know what to do though.

But first I would like to know if she has an argument in not wanting to have sex after she orgasms? What do you guys think?

For me, I will not accept this and will punish her somehow by turning the rolls around, making sure that I orgasm first, and then stop? Or something else I still need to think of.

She's too much in control right now. I need to get back into the fight and be more masculline.

-----

Oh and for those that were wondering, I met her parents and she met mine and things are great

Let me hear what you guys think! I'm curious!

 

[I'm Fine]

I don't know if anyone else has answered this privately but I've PM'd a response because I didn't really want to discuss this on a public forum. I hope it helps.

Good luck.

 

[Rosalyn]

I'm a girl, but I hope you don't mind me giving my input.

I think you should tell her how you feel about it and tell her to stop saying "now what?"..who the heck would say that? :<
Also rather than asking what she likes try asking if she wants to try something specific so it's harder for her to dance around the question.


"But first I would like to know if she has an argument in not wanting to have sex after she orgasms? What do you guys think?"

She does. Would you want to have sex right after an orgasm? Probably not. I'm not a guy so maybe it's different, but we usually want a cool-down period. On the other hand she shouldn't be just pleasing herself. Why is she masturbating when you're fooling around together anyway? You could always help her out there I guess.

Don't play games like turning the roles around, that will just make a bad situation worse. :-/

 

[ThePsychologist]

I'm a girl, but I hope you don't mind me giving my input.

I think you should tell her how you feel about it and tell her to stop saying "now what?"..who the heck would say that? :<
Also rather than asking what she likes try asking if she wants to try something specific so it's harder for her to dance around the question.


"But first I would like to know if she has an argument in not wanting to have sex after she orgasms? What do you guys think?"

She does. Would you want to have sex right after an orgasm? Probably not. I'm not a guy so maybe it's different, but we usually want a cool-down period. On the other hand she shouldn't be just pleasing herself. Why is she masturbating when you're fooling around together anyway? You could always help her out there I guess.

Don't play games like turning the roles around, that will just make a bad situation worse. :-/

That's great advice

Especially about the reversement of roles. Punishing her would not bring positive things to the table. She deserves better.

Gonna make sure she stops and says "now what?" for sure, it's just rediculous and kills the mood instantly.

Also thought it was funny how you said this: On the other hand she shouldn't be just pleasing herself



But yeah, I agree. She can please herself when I'm not around, but not when I'm laying next to her, watching her have an orgasm and leaving me behind

Thanks!

Would love to hear more input

 

[SophiaGrace]

Well if it hurts her I can see why she might not want to do it. Would you want to do something that hurt?

 

[Rosalyn]

Thanks! Hehe, I was tempted to make a joke about that, but I thought I'd keep my serious face on.
Yeah, I could hardly believe it when you said she says that, what a thing to say! Sounds like she's the one who should be seeking advice.

The good thing about her masturbating all those times is supposedly you can get a better understanding of how a girl likes to be pleased by watching her play with herself - I don't know how that works - it was just something I read once.

If you are hurting her try pleasing her for longer before hand, although there's a chance that something is up with her opening since it shouldn't hurt if you aren't rough and she isn't especially small.


The key to success is largely communication (before hand rather than asking during like your girl, haha).

 

[alonewanderer]

I've got your solution, she's trying to piss you off and make you jump on top of her and TAKE what you want. Reading your silly story made me facepalm about 5 times, seriously I'd say a lot of negative things but I gave you the answer first, you're supposed to take it and not ask for it. No hesitation, no questions......see I just facepalmed again......no masturbation show.....no silence...you were silent because you were pissed.


tl;dr: she wants you to act like a man

p.s. do it, it feels good, don't even ask her if there's anything wrong or if it's okay, just do it, take what you want, she'll be excited and orgasm from just that.

---

The key to success is NOT communication, she wants to be ravished and don't you dare stop, pin her arms down and attack her neck, if she resists in her words, listen to how her voice gets lower and words get slower, you'll see I'm 100% right. The only COMMUNICATION that you really need to respond to is her wetness.

/thread I'm right and I know I am. Also if you want her to do the masturbation show at the very least lick her nipples and help her.


If you don't do this she's going to break up with you, I honeysuckle you not.

---

see...I just facepalmed again....

 

[SophiaGrace]

What does tl;dr stand for?

---

Oh it stands for too long; didn't read. =P

 

[Lonesome Crow]

All i know is..when I make my GF cream or have a major orgaism....she's aint saying "now what"...if she did, I'd make her cream n scream some more...N more ...more ...n more... n more.
That's now what.

She gose into a major spaz like she's having a seizure for like
almost five minute and there's big wet spots all over our bed...
Have you made her orgaism like this?

 

[SophiaGrace]

All i know is..when I make my GF cream or have a major orgaism....she's aint saying "now what"...if she did, I'd make her cream n scream some more...N more ...more ...n more... n more.
That's now what.

She gose into a major spaz like she's having a seizure for like
almost five minute and there's big wet spots all over our bed...
Have you made her orgaism like this?

You know the answer is no. Psychologist is not very sexually experienced so I advise you be kind and offer advice instead of making him feel bad.

 

[cool_breeze]

Alonewanderer may be right. She might be 'challenging' you to take control more.

The other option is well, how well are things going away from the sex? Because the sex doesn't sound very good. Is the rest of it good enough so that the sex problem is just a relatively small thing? It sounds like you might want to weigh in on how well things are going. If you have something really good going then sure, work it out. But it kind of sounds like maybe you should start looking for someone else. If she is not giving sexually, maybe other parts of the relationship really aren't that good either. At a certain point if you're having to overlook too many things, well, it could be time for someone else.

 

[alonewanderer]

May be right? I am right, I'm 110% confident that I am right.

I understand that he is not sexually experienced but I know , I KNOW by his silence that he was upset, she knows too.

Well bucko it's time to take the crash course on sex with her when the next opportunity arises. You seem like you're from a religious background from your sexual inhibitions. I'm telling you it's okay to do it, you're not going to hurt or kill her, unleash the motherfucking beast.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

(Haven't done any of the naughty stuff myself, so feel free to take my advice with a relatively large pinch of salt. I'll just be basing this on general logic )

Next time you're kissing or you feel like things could go more serious again, I'd personally take her aside and take the oppurtunity to talk to her about it.

To me, I thought it sounded quite selfish that she was doing that and then just leaving you.

The whole point is that you're there to relax and have fun with each other - she could do what she was doing without even having a guy, so to just leave you stood there is pretty cold. Especially with her apparently not even realising that she'd irritated you afterwards.

Is it even really sex if you're not actually getting to do anything?

Also, I'm not so sure about the "take her like a man" responses. Maybe sex is completely different to how I imagine, but a woman faux-fending you off sounds like a pretty big turn off to me rather than something that would enhance things.

It should be a mutual want, so unless you've already arranged some kind of roleplaying I don't see why a guy should have to magically know when his girl wants this or that. I'd suggest barging in and trying to be "manly" could totally take things the wrong way.

Instead I'd emphasise the maximum amount of communication with her.

This is clearly frustrating you, confront her about it because it's wrong to wind someone up like that and then just sort of tease them. Tell her that you were disappointed last time because you were really looking forward to making love to her, but it didn't really happen.

Explain that it's her choice how far things go, but at the same time you want to be involved if she is doing something.

If she can't be bothered (or doesn't want) to put time into satisfying you after that discussion then you'll have to ask yourself if she is someone you want to carry on with.

I hope that helped a little.

 

[Rosalyn]

^ Good reply TheSolitaryMan!

He already said that she gets hurt by his..err..size, so rushing doesn't seem like the best idea and ThePsychologist clearly cares about his ladies feelings. I doubt she is trying to piss him off..sometimes people just don't think about how what they're saying actually sounds to the other person. Similar thing with actions. She could just be afraid it'll hurt.

 

[alonewanderer]

wtf is this...I don't even....*facepalm*

SHE IS CHALLENGING YOU TO TAKE CONTROL! If you know it hurts her then just don't ram it right in, ease it in, use lube if she isn't soaking wet or (.....**** I forgot what type of condom I use but it has this super slick lube already on it) use better condoms. If a woman can shoot a baby out then there is no such thing as too big, if it's too long then you're ramming it into her cervix just aim to the left or the right, it actually hits an area that produces even more fluids creating more wet wet ( that's the precise scientific term).

what now....



Hah you know, I thought about this.....maybe she's a dom and you're a sub, she might actually like doing that sort of honeysuckle to you, heh....

 

[ThePsychologist]

Absolutely excellent advice everyone!

I am indeed sexually inexperienced (she was my first and we only have had sex about 6 times now). She on the other hand had two partners before me.

I'm just gonna reply to some replies

"I understand that he is not sexually experienced but I know , I KNOW by his silence that he was upset, she knows too. "

Yep! She knows it and I know it. I was a bit taken aback by her response and was pretty angry on the inside, but I did not want her to notice how much angry I was. She thinks everything is okay now. But I will talk to her about what really happened inside my head that night. Not sure if I will tell this to her right before we start making out etc. though.

"The other option is well, how well are things going away from the sex?"

That's really a tough one. We are a special couple I think. And I don't mean that in a romantic way. We both go to the same group in group therapy (that's where we met), we both have problems (anxiety, social anxiety, eating disorder, depression, overly perfectionism, etc.) and these problems is what gives us a deep understanding about each other and our problems. We can talk very openly about this and it feels great having each others backs like this. But sometimes, one of us has some of the problems listed above, which can go on to a point that it prevents us from seeing each other (on bad terms). For example, she might get depressed or I might get depressed. This clearly influences the relationship. For better and for worse. But I believe there is no perfect relationship anyway. I know I am happy and that she is happy with me. We just have our bumps, just like the rest.


"Because the sex doesn't sound very good."

I think I make it sound very bad because I'm now focussing on all the bad aspect I want to improve upon. Our sex is not "FREAKING AMAZING", but it's good enough for us to want more as soon as possible. I think that's a good start. I want to improve though, and I WILL improve, we both will. I will make sure of that.

"you're supposed to take it and not ask for it. No hesitation, no questions......"

I know you are 100% right. I am certain she would enjoy that wild side of me. I know I want it, but I have never really been that much in touch with my masculanity like that. It is not my personality (atm) and it is not the personality she knows about me. This makes it very hard for me to do. But I know I have to do it.

It's kind of strange. I always thought that, what you are describing, would be the first thing I did when I had sex for, let's say, my second time. I would have thought that that would come naturally out of me. But she is also a part of the problem. She has an eating disorder (she's very thin and is ashamed about her body, eventhough her body is amazing) and at first she did not want to take her clothes or bra off for example. We slowly worked through that with me being patient and understanding (which is my true nature anyway). If I did my manly stuff then... I think she would not have enjoyed it and would have cried.

It is me being pushed in the slowed down situation is what made me slowed down in my sexual progression. The result of this topic is partly because of this, I think.

"Also if you want her to do the masturbation show at the very least lick her nipples and help her."

I'm not THAT inexperienced

"I'm telling you it's okay to do it, you're not going to hurt or kill her, unleash the motherfucking beast. "

I will do so! I think we both are ready now to take sex to the next level. When she even thinks about saying "what now?" I will pick her up and show her who's boss.

And no, I won't ram my penis inside of her like that, I'm not stupid

Thanks again for the advice everyone! Keep em coming.

 

[alonewanderer]

up and show her who's boss.

show her who's boss.

who's boss.

boss.

You just brought a tear to my eye OP, go forth and conquer!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

what do you mean..you ur manly stuff?
I know how to fresia the living honeysuckle out of women too...
And it' not all about being mr. porn star all the ******* time.
Yes...yes my GF loves me to really give it to her.
We've had sex 6 times in oneday.

what I'm trying to say to you is....being as inexperinced as
you are....to you, u might had think you got her off.

I totally get my woman off....She likes me getting her off.
Thats becuase I get her off...off ...off.
Then she gets me off.

---

what do you mean..do ur manly stuff?
I know how to fresia the living honeysuckle out of women too...
And it' not all about being mr. porn star all the ******* time.
Yes...yes my GF loves me to really give it to her.
We've had sex 6 times in oneday.

what I'm trying to say to you is....being as inexperinced as
you are....to you, u might had think you got her off.

I totally get my woman off....She likes me getting her off.
Thats becuase I get her off...off ...off.
Then she gets me off.

 

[Brian]

I guess I should consider myself lucky that my girlfriend is multi-orgasmic. Apparently I take it for granted...


She's not hard, though. It's like, a soft breeze, and her eyes are rolling back in her head.

I wish I had some advice for you. I'm horrible at this sort of thing.

 

[alonewanderer]

Oh by the way...don't talk to her about getting upset, keep that memory because angry sex can be quite fun.