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IllBeFree

JustBreathe
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Covert Narcissist. Never have I heard these words together and even if I had I wouldn't have given em 2 thoughts before our marriage. I would hear ppl refer to others as being " narcissistic " and took it as it's a person who is into them selves too much. There is SO much more to it and this label is tossed around to often and misused. I now know what is happening and am able to do the resalearch and educate myself to get me through the moments he goes into attack mode. It's hard and exhausting. I spend most my time at home trying to stay hidden and quiet. When I have to be present I try to choose my words, tones, facial expression and mood correctly to keep the peace. My life in this house while he is here is a constant feeling of walking on egg shells. As long as i make him feel that he is amazing, the best person on earth, the smartest the best looking and how fortunate i am that i get to be the one with him then its the best it can be. I have to shut down as much as I can and " not care " as much as I can and fake through this to make it through this, and I will!
I have a plan. I'm sticking to and should be able to be out and completely free by summer 2025.
Thanks for a space for me to " speak "
Covert Abuse is serious and hard to deal with and overcome. I am stronger than this.
 
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I have a plan. I'm sticking to and should be able to be out and completely free by summer 2025.
Thanks for a space for me to " speak "
Covert Abuse is serious and hard to deal with and overcome. I am stronger than this.
Welcome to the forum!
I'm glad you have a plan and intend on following through with it. I wish you well.
 

deeppurple

A Lonely Life Supporting Member
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Covert Narcissist. Never have I heard these words together and even if I had I wouldn't have given em 2 thoughts before our marriage. I would hear ppl refer to others as being " narcissistic " and took it as it's a person who is into them selves too much. There is SO much more to it and this label is tossed around to often and misused. I now know what is happening and am able to do the resalearch and educate myself to get me through the moments he goes into attack mode. It's hard and exhausting. I spend most my time at home trying to stay hidden and quiet. When I have to be present I try to choose my words, tones, facial expression and mood correctly to keep the peace. My life in this house while he is here is a constant feeling of walking on egg shells. As long as i make him feel that he is amazing, the best person on earth, the smartest the best looking and how fortunate i am that i get to be the one with him then its the best it can be. I have to shut down as much as I can and " not care " as much as I can and fake through this to make it through this, and I will!
I have a plan. I'm sticking to and should be able to be out and completely free by summer 2025.
Thanks for a space for me to " speak "
Covert Abuse is serious and hard to deal with and overcome. I am stronger than this.
Ohh,I've been where you are...walking on eggshells is right, though,it still was never good enough.
He did so much damage to me physically, mentally & emotionally, I was total broke down at that time.
He also did something I can never get over.
I did get out with my son,who was only 20months at the time.
Luckily I had somewhere to go(my parents),but it's practically on the same street,as such small community.
But,I just did not say what I was about to do.
I waited,until he'd gone to work nxt morning, & quickly got my son,some clothes.
Told my son we were going to gran &gdads for a holiday.
Ofcourse,I knew once he got home later was going to be the hard part.
And,yep,he immediately phoned me,asked where I was...I told him,I'd left him.
And,then he hassled and stalked me &family/friends for 2 years.
I hit depression then ,the first time in my life...but I finally got my own place,which was such a sense of freedom...I wasn't worried about what I may be walking into everyday...that alone lifted me.
My friends pulled me out of my depression, they made me go out with them. I truly didn't want to go,as I was so low,I never enjoyed it.
It took a long time,but eventually, I came out of the depression.
Ppl told me I was strong,I didn't feel strong.
Took me a long time to realise, that yes I was strong to get through it.
Do,I do believe in your strength, and you never stop believing in it either.
I'm so glad you've got a plan,as you do have to plan these things out.
Def stick to it...you don't realise until you're out,how good thing will become.
Sending you love and strength xx
 

Sammael

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I support you, and want to wish you the best. I want my post to be positive and hopeful that it won't always be that way. You have the power to make changes, even if it doesn't seem like that today, it may tomorrow. Now let me throw in that fewer and fewer psychologists believe in PDs, and some people just treat others cruelly. They're not sick, and don't have an excuse.
 

TropicalStarfish

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Sweet, sweet, U S of A.
I support you, and want to wish you the best. I want my post to be positive and hopeful that it won't always be that way. You have the power to make changes, even if it doesn't seem like that today, it may tomorrow. Now let me throw in that fewer and fewer psychologists believe in PDs, and some people just treat others cruelly. They're not sick, and don't have an excuse.
Where have you heard that Personality Disorders are losing credibility? As far as I know, they've been all the rage the last few years, trending big.
 

Sammael

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Where have you heard that Personality Disorders are losing credibility? As far as I know, they've been all the rage the last few years, trending big.
The psychology textbooks they're printing in 2022. No one is studying them with fMRIs (obviously I mean not many people), no one is creating interventions or treatments beyond motivational interviewing, which they use for everything. Both things can be true, as I'm sure you know, TropicalStarfish. It can be the rage in practice and a bleh among researchers.
 

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