Accepting romance will never be a part of your life

[Paraiyar]

I just don´t get what is so upsetting about being single after 30. He says I dont want to be that guy, what kind of guy is that? He makes it sound like some sort of insult to be single after 30.
I could understand if it was a woman, because we have a fertility period that comes to an end and then you can not have kids anymore, but guys can be fathers at any age. Chaplin had his last child at 80 if I am not mistaken. He still has plenty of chances to have a family if he wants to.

and yes he is as free as anyone to vent, I never said otherwise.

I'm 25 and can 100% see where he is coming from. I don't want to even go another year without having a relationship and already feel like I'm playing catch up with most people in my age group and missing out on an important part of my youth.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I could go the rest of my life being perfectly fine by myself. But even with that attitude, I can understand where he's coming from. Many people just want someone to share their life with, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being single at any age either, though.

 

[ardour]

I could go the rest of my life being perfectly fine by myself. But even with that attitude, I can understand where he's coming from. Many people just want someone to share their life with, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being single at any age either, though.

There’s nothing wrong being single, but if you’re not satisfied with that it becomes increasingly difficult with age. Along with the fact that you’ve already missed out on sharing the better (younger) part of your life with someone.

And I think a lot of women would be suspicious about a man who’s over 30 who had never had a relationship.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I could go the rest of my life being perfectly fine by myself. But even with that attitude, I can understand where he's coming from. Many people just want someone to share their life with, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being single at any age either, though.

There’s nothing wrong being single, but if you’re not satisfied with that it becomes increasingly difficult with age. Along with the fact that you’ve already missed out on sharing the better (younger) part of your life with someone.

And I think a lot of women would be suspicious about a man who’s over 30 who had never had a relationship, making it even less likely.

My younger years were definitely not better. lol

I wouldn't care if a guy didn't have a relationship before.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I could go the rest of my life being perfectly fine by myself. But even with that attitude, I can understand where he's coming from. Many people just want someone to share their life with, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being single at any age either, though.

There’s nothing wrong being single, but if you’re not satisfied with that it becomes increasingly difficult with age. Along with the fact that you’ve already missed out on sharing the better (younger) part of your life with someone.

And I think a lot of women would be suspicious about a man who’s over 30 who had never had a relationship.

I can totally understand that. I'm sure many do find it difficult as they become older. On a personal level, I wouldn't care if a guy was 30 or older and never had a relationship. That wouldn't bother me at all.

 

[Xpendable]

I can totally understand that. I'm sure many do find it difficult as they become older. On a personal level, I wouldn't care if a guy was 30 or older and never had a relationship. That wouldn't bother me at all.

What if he fails to accomplish every basic thing that constitutes a normal relationship because of that lack of experience?

 

[Paraiyar]

I can totally understand that. I'm sure many do find it difficult as they become older. On a personal level, I wouldn't care if a guy was 30 or older and never had a relationship. That wouldn't bother me at all.

What if he fails to accomplish every basic thing that constitutes a normal relationship because of that lack of experience?

Presumably he can still learn over time?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I can totally understand that. I'm sure many do find it difficult as they become older. On a personal level, I wouldn't care if a guy was 30 or older and never had a relationship. That wouldn't bother me at all.

What if he fails to accomplish every basic thing that constitutes a normal relationship because of that lack of experience?

Um, can he talk, can he trust, can he love eventually, can he be caring and considerate? That's all you really need to be in a stable relationship. Pretty sure the majority of people can do those things with or without experience.

People WITH experience can't always manage to accomplish basic things that would constitute a "normal" relationship...

 

[Xpendable]

Um, can he talk, can he trust, can he love eventually, can he be caring and considerate? That's all you really need to be in a stable relationship. Pretty sure the majority of people can do those things with or without experience.

People WITH experience can't always manage to accomplish basic things that would constitute a "normal" relationship...

Well, now we have to hope every person on earth has that mentality and we will be fine XD

 

[ardour]

Um, can he talk, can he trust, can he love eventually, can he be caring and considerate? That's all you really need to be in a stable relationship. ..

No experience here of course, but it seems like a lot more is required.

You would need a thick skin to tolerate someone's moods and insecurities and be stable enough to deal with a constant anxiety over whether they're happy. Fear of rejection usually results in being too emotionally distant, or too clingy. Both kill attraction and are likely to be deal breakers.

And you would need to come to terms with a good deal of your self-esteem being in someone else’s hands, someone who knows you very well. Not all of us could handle the reality of that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can totally understand that. I'm sure many do find it difficult as they become older. On a personal level, I wouldn't care if a guy was 30 or older and never had a relationship. That wouldn't bother me at all.

What if he fails to accomplish every basic thing that constitutes a normal relationship because of that lack of experience?

I actually deal with that now. And I've given it years to be something more, and I see that it's not ever going to be. It's his mentality that doesn't help us, and the fact that his family thinks it's okay for him to be the way he is. I think as long as someone is willing to do the things that is asked of them (within reason, of course), and consider the things said to them, I don't think there is failing at it. When someone refuses to listen or heed warning that someone's not happy with them is when things fail.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Um, can he talk, can he trust, can he love eventually, can he be caring and considerate? That's all you really need to be in a stable relationship. ..

No experience here of course, but it seems like a lot more is required.

You would need a thick skin to tolerate someone's moods and insecurities and be stable enough to deal with a constant anxiety over whether they're happy. Fear of rejection usually results in being too emotionally distant, or too clingy. Both kill attraction and are likely to be deal breakers.

And you would need to come to terms with a good deal of your self-esteem being in someone else’s hands, someone who knows you very well. Not all of us could handle the reality of that.

A lot of what you said would fall under trust. Both in your partner and in yourself. You don't need a thick skin to be in a relationship any more than you would need a thick skin to go out in the world. No one is going to be happy all the time and of course there will be moods and insecurities, but everyone has those, not just inexperienced people. That's where the talking comes in. Communication is a huge part of a stable relationship.

 

[melofsalem]

Mau, you're my hero!

 

[ThatZealousOne]

I just don´t get what is so upsetting about being single after 30. He says I dont want to be that guy, what kind of guy is that? He makes it sound like some sort of insult to be single after 30.
I could understand if it was a woman, because we have a fertility period that comes to an end and then you can not have kids anymore, but guys can be fathers at any age. Chaplin had his last child at 80 if I am not mistaken. He still has plenty of chances to have a family if he wants to.

and yes he is as free as anyone to vent, I never said otherwise.

Then I will clarify my position, even though I feel I have already explained it enough.

I do not wish to be single, in my thirty's and still without any experience of having a relationship. That is all I'm saying. I don't want that, and the thought that I might end up like that depresses me. It is by no means bad to be in your thirty's and single, I don't mean any ill will towards those people. I just don't want to be like that. I don't want to have to wait around to have any experience of a relationship and waste my youth while my potential partners have had loads of experience and has lived well, ecetera. I don't want to have to wait for, as Bayouwoman said, for boring to become attractive.

Now, am I done being interrogated about my relationship fears?

 

[user 115627]

I don't think you ever should've been interrogated in the first place since this was just a matter of personal opinion and you made no value judgement on any other person.

I have a question for everyone: Is it factually incorrect to state that the chance of experiencing a relationship (and staying in it) decreases with age, especially when you have not been in any relationships prior?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I have a question for everyone: Is it factually incorrect to state that the chance of experiencing a relationship (and staying in it) decreases with age, especially when you have not been in any relationships prior?

I think to some people it might matter, but as a whole, I don't think age and a lack of experience has any effect on your changes of getting a relationship.

I would think it would be more important to work on any self esteem issues you might have than trying to get experience. It's really no different than meeting the love of your life in high school and marrying them. They didn't necessarily have experience when they met, so why would it different for someone who is 35?

 

[TheDude76]

I have a question for everyone: Is it factually incorrect to state that the chance of experiencing a relationship (and staying in it) decreases with age, especially when you have not been in any relationships prior?

I'll let you know. I'm almost 40. I've never had a relationship. I dated a woman for a couple months about six years ago. That's the only one that lasted past two dates, and it was not a relationship. I'm still open to the idea, but I'm not terribly optimistic at this point.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I have a question for everyone: Is it factually incorrect to state that the chance of experiencing a relationship (and staying in it) decreases with age, especially when you have not been in any relationships prior?

I'll let you know. I'm almost 40. I've never had a relationship. I dated a woman for a couple months about six years ago. That's the only one that lasted past two dates, and it was not a relationship. I'm still open to the idea, but I'm not terribly optimistic at this point.

If you dated her for a few months, how was it not a relationship?

 

[TheDude76]

I have a question for everyone: Is it factually incorrect to state that the chance of experiencing a relationship (and staying in it) decreases with age, especially when you have not been in any relationships prior?

I'll let you know. I'm almost 40. I've never had a relationship. I dated a woman for a couple months about six years ago. That's the only one that lasted past two dates, and it was not a relationship. I'm still open to the idea, but I'm not terribly optimistic at this point.

If you dated her for a few months, how was it not a relationship?

I never developed feelings for her. I know when I feel a real connection, and I was hoping I would with her. It didn't happen, for either of us.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I have a question for everyone: Is it factually incorrect to state that the chance of experiencing a relationship (and staying in it) decreases with age, especially when you have not been in any relationships prior?

I'll let you know. I'm almost 40. I've never had a relationship. I dated a woman for a couple months about six years ago. That's the only one that lasted past two dates, and it was not a relationship. I'm still open to the idea, but I'm not terribly optimistic at this point.

If you dated her for a few months, how was it not a relationship?

I never developed feelings for her. I know when I feel a real connection, and I was hoping I would with her. It didn't happen, for either of us.

Why were you dating her for months if you didn't have feelings for her? You must have been attracted to her if you dated her for so long.

Did you kiss and/or all the other stuff that would make it romantic? That would be a relationship to me.
By "develop feelings," I assume you mean love?