Accepting the truth!?!

[ragTagblues]

Hi all,

Very glad to have found this place as I'm just coming to a stage in my life where I am accepting that my life isn't as I thought it was or would like it to be. A tough realization, so here's the story if you will -

Bizarrely I'm actually quite popular and well liked by those around me (not meaning to sound big headed I just think it is relevant) - my colleague, peers and family always we have a good laugh whenever are together.

So I spend most days (not working) sat home on my own playing Xbox or watching sports, I could have a week off and not speak to a single person from work, my peers or family - no one would call or text and the reverse side I wouldn't reach out either.

Problem is that I give off this slightly arrogant demeanor that I don't really need anybody and I have been like this since I was about 17 - to be honest it has done me so much harm mentally and socially that I dread to think about it. It's not deliberate; but it means I keep everybody at arms length regardless of how well we get on.

What this adds up to? Is a **** lonely life, with no friends and as for relationships? What a joke! Some days its hard enough to look in the mirror and see a man who doesn't understand himself, yet alone force it upon someone intimately.

And so last paragraph before I sign off - intimacy or getting close to people scares the hell out of me.

Thanks for listening.

 

[fox]

Hello ragTagblues

I think, that you realize what it is, the problem, this is good beginning that you can overcome it.. so I hope, maybe from help from this place, you can learn how to do that soon..

Anyway, welcome and best of luck to you

 

[Sci-Fi]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Barbaloot]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Jilted John]

Hi and welcome,Ragtag.

 

[flaneur]

Hey. Welcome to ALL.

 

[ragTagblues]

My most grateful thanks for the welcoming, it means a lot.

 

[ahaikulife]

Hi, welcome to the forums for lonely people...

you made a huge first step: you admitted to yourself what the "problem" is. Being arrogant means denying your essence, your true inner self, and denying other people the opportunity to see your wonderful attributes that you hide. Alot of us keep people at length, but, at the same time, we don't go through life alone... so do you want an authentic life, and an authentic connection to others?

cheers, Mike

 

[ragTagblues]

Hi, welcome to the forums for lonely people...

you made a huge first step: you admitted to yourself what the "problem" is. Being arrogant means denying your essence, your true inner self, and denying other people the opportunity to see your wonderful attributes that you hide. Alot of us keep people at length, but, at the same time, we don't go through life alone... so do you want an authentic life, and an authentic connection to others?

cheers, Mike

You know what I don't really know what I want - Apart from wanting this feeling to go away. I don't want lots of friends, the idea of that sounds unbearable to me; but at the same time I don't want to be in this one man band.

I'm fed up of feeling like the only person I can turn to and trust is myself.

You know I put up this facade of being strong and independent to everybody round me; but the reality is I feel like I'm drowning all the time.

So what do I want, I don't know! I wish I did, maybe that would help.

 

[ahaikulife]

You know what I don't really know what I want - Apart from wanting this feeling to go away. I don't want lots of friends, the idea of that sounds unbearable to me; but at the same time I don't want to be in this one man band.

I'm fed up of feeling like the only person I can turn to and trust is myself.

You know I put up this facade of being strong and independent to everybody round me; but the reality is I feel like I'm drowning all the time.

So what do I want, I don't know! I wish I did, maybe that would help.

Hey bro, I'm right there with ya... I used to hide behind a facade that I needed nobody in this world, and I was independent of everything and I needed nobody but myself to survive... and yeah, it is a lonely way to be. I'm not sure what I want either, currently... but I do know that I love the few people that I do have in my life... I probably dont' make sense LOL

 

[Gutted]

Welcome to ALL kind sir. I think that you have taken a step forward in posting this. The first thing that you need to do to solve an issue is realize that there is one. Now that you have done that, it's planning time. I hope you can change things and I hope that us lot can help you~

 

[ragTagblues]

Hey bro, I'm right there with ya... I used to hide behind a facade that I needed nobody in this world, and I was independent of everything and I needed nobody but myself to survive... and yeah, it is a lonely way to be. I'm not sure what I want either, currently... but I do know that I love the few people that I do have in my life... I probably dont' make sense LOL

I hear you, the few people in my life I do have I love with all my heart and that is because they are the ones who have put up with my crap over the last few years.

Does it ever change for you? I feel that I am the same as when I was 17/16 just that I'm now better at holding facade.

 

[ahaikulife]

well, yeah, for me it has changed. I realized that no matter what, we (I) am not alone, and we need other people in this world just to survive... for everything. Even as simple and obvious as me needing a farmer to grow tomato's so I can make a sauce for my pasta, I need other people. I need other people for a spiritual connection, for a human connection. If there were no other people, I wouldn't know how to talk, I wouldn't know how to speak, and I probably wouldnt' even know how to think. The dependence on other human beings is enormous, even for those that I do not like. We are all interconnected. You ever have somebody do something randomly nice for you? somebody you do not know? It reverberates throughout your whole day. You may even mention it to somebody that evening before bed time... it really does stick with you, and it makes your day just a little bit better. And you know what? when you are feeling better, and happier, you tend to treat others better... and they in turn, may be just a little bit more chipper as a result of it.... and so it goes, on and on... we, are all, dependent on each other...we are all interconnected. I like to always keep this in mind... even when I do something bad or mean, I find it important to remind myself, that it will reverberate and affect many people.. whether positive or negative. This realization, at least for me, really wakened me up to my dependence and interrelatedness to all other people. I am nothing like I was when I was in my late teens.... but it took many years to get where I am at, at age 36, and I still have much further to go and learn and improve on...

cheers, Mike

 

[Callie]

Welcome aboard