Alone in my relationship

[Dudley85]

I have felt alone in my relationship recently. We've had financial issues due to my boss lieing to me about a raise and my girlfriend seems to be taking it out on me. Mind you, all of our bills are paid but theres just not enough for her to go shopping, buying random clothing she doesn't need. I have been with her for 5 years and she knows I have emotional issues due to my problems with my father growing up however she can still say some hurtful things. About a month ago she stopped having sex with me and now recently doesn't even want to kiss me. Last night she told me she hasn't felt sexually attracted to me lately and it killed me. I didn't go off the handle or get pissed but she said financial problems was one of the main reasons but wouldn't go any further into detail. I felt so alone last night when she told me and had absolutely no one to talk to about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

She should be happy that bills are paid and there's food and such. I would tell her that if she cares not to be so ungrateful about even having a roof over head, then she should go and get a job so she can have extra money to buy stuff she doesn't really need. I'm sorry, but I have a real intense dislike for people who aren't appreciative.

 

[Dudley85]

She should be happy that bills are paid and there's food and such. I would tell her that if she cares not to be so ungrateful about even having a roof over head, then she should go and get a job so she can have extra money to buy stuff she doesn't really need. I'm sorry, but I have a real intense dislike for people who aren't appreciative.

The thing is though she has her own job, the problem is whatever she doesn't pay in bills, she blows on clothing. She is very materialistic which I knew from the start. I will admit she is not very appreciative about things though which kills me and often embarasses me. I guess my main problem is I'm worried about my relationship and was quite hurt last night when she revealed she hasn't felt sexually attracted to me lately.

 

[Antonio]

You should have two things in your mind. One is to protect yourself, the other one is that nothing lasts forever. Keep your dignity and the mental stability you still have.

 

[Dudley85]

You should have two things in your mind. One is to protect yourself, the other one is that nothing lasts forever. Keep your dignity and the mental stability you still have.

My problem is I don't know why she is doing this? When we have sex it's very good, or at least she says so and we fooled around a couple of weeks ago and she was the one who initiated it. We stress about our financial woes, our dog who needs training and her mother constantly causing problems because she dislikes me. I just wonder if this is something I can fix? I don't enjoy the feeling of being without her and want to correct our problems but I'm worried the damage has already been done some how?

 

[Antonio]

I can't say much more, because I am not aware of the situation and I don't know you or her. But, I stick with what I wrote before. If you need someone to chat with, feel free to PM me or add on msn messenger.

It is beyond words how hard it is to have issues with the one we love. I speak for self experience.

You could try the following. Act like you lost her, without telling her. Be extra kind and patient, do things she loves and apreciates. Talk to her human side inner core. Doesn't matter how materialistic a person is, we are all human. Sometimes, even when we aren't the ones comiting the mistake... we have to act like we are.

 

[perfanoff]

Maybe you're not together with her anymore and she's looking around.

You're not there to pamper her and win her. Does she do the same to you? As you said she won't even bother kissing you.

I'd go out with other girls. And not bother hiding it. She does not appreciate you.

 

[MissGuided]

Run, dude....fast as you can.....and find someone that appreciates you for YOU, not what they can get from you.

 

[Dudley85]

Run, dude....fast as you can.....and find someone that appreciates you for YOU, not what they can get from you.

I guess I just don't understand why it recently started happening? We were having sex before this month and she even initiated some fore play a few weeks ago. I cook, I clean, I tell her shes beautiful and try to do things for her that make her smile. A couple of months ago I randomly bought her flowers and a card for no reason whatsoever and then recently I did some corny, cute things which she loved. I just don't want to lose my relationship because my job has sucked recently, I'm commission based pay and business has been slow.

 

[perfanoff]

It happens because she's selfish and immature.

MissGuided I love you, the world needs more people like you.

 

[MissGuided]

MissGuided I love you, the world needs more people like you.

I love ya back, Perf....and I agree, I been trying to TELL ppl that forEVER! (giggle)

 

[kamya]

Eh, she's using/withholding sex to try to manipulate you. Start seeing other women.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

Eh, she's using/withdrawing sex to try to manipulate you. Start seeing other women.

It is very Very hard to start see someone else after being with someone for such a long time (5 years).
... But, I believe it is also the right thing to do.

MissGuided, you seem like a good person, and you deserve better then a spoiled brat of a partner.
I think it's time to move on, much like I did with my ex (7 1/2 years).
My ex was very similar to yours: she spent money all the time, and nearly everything she earned from work disappeared into the closet, or into her collection of junk that she never used.

It wasn't easy, or fun, but I had had enough of working my ass off just to fund her happiness.
You work commission for god sake, it's tough work, with high stress and tight timelines. It's a tough job. You need a partner that is going to appreciate the hard work you put in.

1) Tell her it's over, up front, honest, and straight-forward.
2) Spend 3-6 months getting your life on track, saving money, building a solid future.
3) Find a partner that is going to appreciate you, and has SIMILAR VALUES AND INTERESTS.
This last part is VITAL. Be very wary of dating anyone with dis-similar values and interests. You'll end up in the same situation as you are now!

 

[MissGuided]

MissGuided, you seem like a good person, and you deserve better then a spoiled brat of a partner.

Thanks AP, I wish the same for you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Run, dude....fast as you can.....and find someone that appreciates you for YOU, not what they can get from you.

I guess I just don't understand why it recently started happening? We were having sex before this month and she even initiated some fore play a few weeks ago. I cook, I clean, I tell her shes beautiful and try to do things for her that make her smile. A couple of months ago I randomly bought her flowers and a card for no reason whatsoever and then recently I did some corny, cute things which she loved. I just don't want to lose my relationship because my job has sucked recently, I'm commission based pay and business has been slow.

I agree with MissGuided. I don't know you or her, or what the situation really entails, but it doesn't sound like she appreciates you much. I'm sure you deserve better than someone who doesn't appreciate anything you do for them. And honestly, I wouldn't worry about why. Sometimes, there is no real reason why.

 

[HappyYogi]

Dudley~

First of all I am sorry you are going thru this.

Okay, I'll give you my female opinion.

If it were me, and I really loved you, I would be kinder to you now, not more demanding. I would be understanding not mad because you didn't have more money to spend on frivolous things.

Heck, I am this way with ALL humans whether I love them or not. It's just the right thing to do.

Love is understanding, caring and kind.

I was in the salon the other day and a woman there was sharing about her 29 year marriage. She said at one point they were homeless. But did she leave him? NO. She stuck with him. She said she was happy being by his side and they made it thru.

That is love. Working together thru tough times. Not being more demanding, critical when you are down.

Not all women are like this. Some are not attached to shopping and actually want someone to share life with, not to have someone just bail them out and buy them things.

---

PS. I would not be working hard to please her now at all. I would not buy her things, or be super nice. Nope. If I were you I'd be more distant especially while she is being demanding and unkind. I'd reign in my boundaries. Have respect for yourself and your feelings. She sure isn't. No pleasing her. Please yourself. See if she then appreciates you for all the other qualities you bring.

 

[ksushil970]

What you actually want now, would like to get her back or want changes in your life?

For getting rid off from your problems, you have to set your mind in a particular direction, don't get dishearten, Just go ahead in your life.