Always too shy to say just Hi

[MadMonkè]

When you are in public spaces... and someone looks over to you.. and seems interested / interesting...

do you wish to talk to them?
do you wish for them to talk to you?

I do...

but when they approach...
i get so nervous i wish they would go away... lol... *sigh.. *shotgun to head*

 

[Barbaloot]

I'm often the same way. :\ I certainly never initiate conversation, I'm too shy to even ask people what time it is.

 

[Romantic_Flower]

I wish... but I dont have the guts for that... I fear rejection, so I avoid situations where I can be rejected and/or judged. I just talk to peple when they come to talk to me. If they start the conversation, I'm no way shy at all! But if I have to start, then It's a problem... I've lost lots of opportunities.
Is there hope for me, after all it's said and done?

 

[tusk]

They approach?!

 

[LoneKiller]

In all seriousness, I'd walk away glancing to see if they are still watching me. With my luck it would be some old drug dealer I owed money to.

 

[MadMonkè]

They approach?!

uh.... as much as social interactions go... they do... not with words.... it all starts with a look... and then a cue... then the wait... for you to say something.... then ... silence.....

girls dont take the risk, guys do...


it sucks... that it has to work this way... but girls are the ones that put hours of time preparing their look... guys invest what? a few minutes to initiate convo in a plane white tee that they slap on in the morning?


I wouldnt want a role reversal... or would i??


Actually, my original post was genderless... but because I am a guy... I speak in male context.... still open for discussion... because I want to get anyones perspective

 

[aribeth]

Sigh, I'm shy at starting conversations. They gotta start first or I just clam up. If they start the conversation then I still find it hard to keep the ball rolling. The problem is what to say!

 

[Gutted]

People are not interested if they see me in the street. I think they see me as some sort of east London thug x] I've been approached in the past.. And asked if I smoke weed.

 

[Felix]

When they talk to me, I'm usually too deep into my own world so I can't respond with something relevant to the situation...

 

[Parabolani]

Sounds like 'social anxiety'.

 

[MadMonkè]

When they talk to me, I'm usually too deep into my own world so I can't respond with something relevant to the situation...

Thank you, I so get that too...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

one time i was sitting on a bus alone. I had my baseball cap on (pull down to cover
my face) and a pair of shades. i could had driven the transAm but i was in sort of
wierd zone. I needed to get away from all the bullshit that was happening in my life.
A rode trip seems like a good idea. The bus wasnt fulled...plenty of empty seats.
A beautiful young woman, college student from boston asked if she could sit next to
me. So we got to talking...She too needed a road trip to get away from the bullshit
that was going on in her life.....I spent 2 weeks with her as if we were a couple
on our romantic honeymoon at the beach. Life is full of surprizes like that for me.

I never understood it...even though she wasnt the first women to asked me out.
As i said...I had my baseball cap on, covering up my face. Yet, she approched me.
And we were both going through the samething....
Im also asian and she was cucasian. Nothing about it was typical.....

I dont have problems saying hello to complete strangers or opening doors
for complete strangers. Simple small talks, common certicy or just being polite...
weather they're male or female.

As far as knowing what females are sexaully attracted to me.
Ive figure that out too....(only recently within the past couple of years).
I dont waste my time wondering or hoping about certain women that Im sexually
attracted to..but they're not sexually attracted to me....other than just socializing
with them. The women I'll hit on are the ones i know that are sexually attracted to me.

Just like the young women i met on the bus many years ago...She was sexaully
attracted to me...i didnt have to do anything or tried to win her over....
She simply just wanted to play with me. She had chosen me.

Ive been with beautiful women all my life...I dont trip on that anymore.
One of my aunty came and visit recently. She raised me for a little while when I was a child.
She always call me "handsome boy"......

 

[tusk]

They approach?!

uh.... as much as social interactions go... they do... not with words.... it all starts with a look... and then a cue... then the wait... for you to say something.... then ... silence.....

I think I've noticed a girl looking at me maybe three times in my life. Makes one wonder about one's appearances. On the other hand, I've rarely seen a girl looking at anyone else either, so maybe I'm just living in a shitty place for these kinds of things.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I think I've noticed a girl looking at me maybe three times in my life. Makes one wonder about one's appearances. On the other hand, I've rarely seen a girl looking at anyone else either, so maybe I'm just living in a shitty place for these kinds of things.

Where do you live? In the middle east or something?

I catch women looking at me or giving me their own sort
of fashion show all the time.
I live in the USA...there's some sexaul guilt. Most women
arnt gonna flash thier boobs at you in public.

At the sametime..when I was in HS me and the boys used
to whistles at chicks all the time....

Since we're all not in HS anymore...The chicks etiher..
Were still doing the same sort of thing...it's just more discrete.
whAt they're gonna do is sort ta hang out...walk around
in a sort of way to show off thier bodies or the way they dress in a stealthy way. Fling thier hair a certain way or stand a certain way
for you.(if you're not near a beach community.) Sometimes get
real close to you ...to makesure you smell them too.
Sometimes you'll actaully get a smile and a wink out of them. They'll also make eyes contact too.

IDK..if it's just my reflex.lmao
I was talking to a buddy.....then a group of women walked
by. One of them caught my attentions. I looked at her from
head to toes. Her other friends didnt notice me at all...
But the one I was looking at notice me.
She smile back and winked at me. It made her feel good...
cuase she was sexy and i let her know it.

Her friend and my friend...didnt even know this honeysuckle was happening...becuase i just kept on talking to my friend.
I was laughing sortta...my friend thought I was laughing
about something he siad....But i was laughing becuase
that chick winked at me. it's hilarious honeysuckle...becuase nobody
notice it..execpt her and me. She was being discrete.

Im telling you..dude.
I read this honeysuckle from a book. I didnt think it was going to be like that.
I just became more awear of it or openminded about it....
Some women are going to be sexually attracted to me....i dont really have to do honeysuckle as far as convincing her
to be sexaully attracted to me. That part is done for me.
I'll still have to take actions to get to know her.

What this also dose is...stops me from wasting my time with women that arnt going to fresia me...no matter
what I say or do. i dont have to waste my time trying win a woman over, that's not sexually actractted to me.
It saves me time, resources and energy. Plus it donst fresia with my head. It minimizes rejections.
Not all women are going to be sexaully attracted to me...Its OK.

 

[ahaikulife]

In all seriousness, I'd walk away glancing to see if they are still watching me. With my luck it would be some old drug dealer I owed money to.

lol. the mental image is priceless ;P

 

[tusk]

I think I've noticed a girl looking at me maybe three times in my life. Makes one wonder about one's appearances. On the other hand, I've rarely seen a girl looking at anyone else either, so maybe I'm just living in a shitty place for these kinds of things.

Where do you live? In the middle east or something?

I catch women looking at me or giving me their own sort
of fashion show all the time.
I live in the USA...there's some sexaul guilt. Most women
arnt gonna flash thier boobs at you in public.

Haha, I live in the country of feminism. The capital of beautiful and single people. So I blame my appearances.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I think I've noticed a girl looking at me maybe three times in my life. Makes one wonder about one's appearances. On the other hand, I've rarely seen a girl looking at anyone else either, so maybe I'm just living in a shitty place for these kinds of things.

Where do you live? In the middle east or something?

I catch women looking at me or giving me their own sort
of fashion show all the time.
I live in the USA...there's some sexaul guilt. Most women
arnt gonna flash thier boobs at you in public.

Haha, I live in the country of feminism. The capital of beautiful and single people. So I blame my appearances.

I wanna live where single hot chicks flash their beautiful titays
at me all day too.
I dont really care how i look. I'll be fucken exotic.
Oh honeysuckle....I am exotic already. Im like 1% of the .1%

 

[MadMonkè]

They approach?!

uh.... as much as social interactions go... they do... not with words.... it all starts with a look... and then a cue... then the wait... for you to say something.... then ... silence.....

I think I've noticed a girl looking at me maybe three times in my life. Makes one wonder about one's appearances. On the other hand, I've rarely seen a girl looking at anyone else either, so maybe I'm just living in a shitty place for these kinds of things.

well... thats like beside the point... I think what LC is getting at is, regardless if they look at you or not, or flash their titties at you or not, you still need the balls to go up and initiate.

So in the end, the difference in success is minimal if you dont initiate as a guy.


Unless we wait for the day that girls finally put on the pants and make us pussyboys their *****. I dont think I'd want that either...
but it would be nice to have that option.... lol

---

Is this type of language acceptable?

I need to expand my vocabulary..
I often cannot express my intentions properly because I keep using derogatory and swear words to mean too many things....

Thats part of my homework.... read a **** book...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

For me a lot of it was conditioning...I kindda turned into a bitchboy.hahahaaa
I was in a LTR for over 12 years. Exgf was a beauty queen and have really nice titays.
Over the years...I stopped noticing other women in sexual ways. Even all of my sexaul
fantacies were of her. Plus we were very sexually active.

After we broke up I isolated my. Which cuased me to have cabin fever.
I got physically ill, had anxiety attacks and actaully vommit being around other humans.
Becuase by defualt...I conditioned myself into a major rut...I was Batman locked in a cave.
Sun Shine physically hurt my fucken skin. I was a vampire tooo.lmao
Even if a beautiful babe strikes a conversation with me. Titays still made me want to vommit.lmao

I made some friends on this site. She used to call me almost everyday. (baby steps)
Just to talk to me (another human vioce)..because Thats how iLL i was.
Then gradually I force myself to go outside everyday to get some fucken sunlight....wearing
my **** hoodie and shades during the summer for skin protection.lol (another baby step).
Guadaully the hoodie came off...the shades came off. Then i started wear shorts like normal people
during the summer.lmao

I also started doing physical exercise. It help me mentally and phytsical whip my mind and body into shape
again. Apply the baby steps. I first started walking...gradually I'll walk N jog...
Then I'll Jog for a 1/4 mile....everytime I exert myself to jog a longer distance...My mind and body
would going PAIN and wanna give up. But I push myself everyday to go further...a little further.
Lots of positve self talk...cuase Im bascailly winded and my body was in pain as I push for greater distance.
Over time...I could jog a couple of miles without stopping.
I also went bike ridding a lot...apply the same concept. I can ride 5 miles after a while. At first i could only
go 1/2 miles and stop. It was more mental than physical.....

Then I attended a support group. Id sit in my little conner forcing myself to be around
humans (more baby steps). A hot babe sat next to me everyday. She'd notice my body
trimbling and cold sweats. She reach out to me....She can relate. She told me she isolated
herself too. So she would talk to me for 5 mins...but kept body distance for serveral weeks
becuase she knew i wanted to vommit.lmao Graudually she'll get closer and gave me a hug.

Upon retruning to work...All of the girls in the office and my office manager help me too.
They knew I wasnt always like that. I had to go outside for 15min almost every hour
becuase i was getting anxiety attacks for being around people.
But they would flirt with me (they were all my friends already). They would let me
play with her hands and thier hair...ect Give a fashion show...Pretty much
Asked me if thier, hair, ass and tits looks good( reconditioning me, more baby steps.)

Then onday a chick was standing in line in a check out at the store...I cuaght myself
looking away from her or not looking at her nice Ass....
I bascailly force myself to look at her ass in a sexaul way.
Forces myself to notice other womens titays...lmao

Then I force myself to go CHICK watching.lmao
Kind of like going bird watching.....
It was sort of a pass time or hobbie.
More baby steps....

I was single...my mind and body havnt caught up to the facts. It still operated on
the notion of me being in a committed relationship.

Its simple conditioning or reconditioning.

So for me to go hit up on a chick today...it's just another continuation of another baby steps.
Ive taking many, many baby steps to get to this piont.
It's kind of like me pushing myself to jog a greater distance. My mind would tell me "NO..you cant, it hurts...ect"
So I bascailly tell myself..."you can, inspite of your pains or fears".
My attitude about it...it's just like another hobbie to me to date different women.
It's not a big deal...Kind of like not making a mountain out of a mole hill...

My self improvments still continues today. Lots and lots of positive self talk.
Lots and lots of generating postive thoughts and feelings and casting negative thoughts and feelings aside.
Mostly Positive FEELINGS. Im very mindful of how I FEEL.
Allowing myself to feel good. To feel loved already . To feel happy.To feel joy.
Kind of like I can feel happy for 5 mins at first..Then practice feeling happy for an hour...ect
Feeling happy when Im in public...ect

 

[putter65]

one time i was sitting on a bus alone. I had my baseball cap on (pull down to cover
my face) and a pair of shades. i could had driven the transAm but i was in sort of
wierd zone. I needed to get away from all the bullshit that was happening in my life.
A rode trip seems like a good idea. The bus wasnt fulled...plenty of empty seats.
A beautiful young woman, college student from boston asked if she could sit next to
me. So we got to talking...She too needed a road trip to get away from the bullshit
that was going on in her life.....I spent 2 weeks with her as if we were a couple
on our romantic honeymoon at the beach. Life is full of surprizes like that for me.

I never understood it...even though she wasnt the first women to asked me out.
As i said...I had my baseball cap on, covering up my face. Yet, she approched me.
And we were both going through the samething....
Im also asian and she was cucasian. Nothing about it was typical.....

I dont have problems saying hello to complete strangers or opening doors
for complete strangers. Simple small talks, common certicy or just being polite...
weather they're male or female.

As far as knowing what females are sexaully attracted to me.
Ive figure that out too....(only recently within the past couple of years).
I dont waste my time wondering or hoping about certain women that Im sexually
attracted to..but they're not sexually attracted to me....other than just socializing
with them. The women I'll hit on are the ones i know that are sexually attracted to me.

Just like the young women i met on the bus many years ago...She was sexaully
attracted to me...i didnt have to do anything or tried to win her over....
She simply just wanted to play with me. She had chosen me.

Ive been with beautiful women all my life...I dont trip on that anymore.
One of my aunty came and visit recently. She raised me for a little while when I was a child.
She always call me "handsome boy"......

sounds like you have nothing in common with anybody from here. You are nothing like us. We don't get attention from women. They don't hit on us or find us sexually attractive. At very best we get put in the friend zone. We make massive amounts of effort and get nothing back.

Women don't approach me at all. It's never happened ever. I have never messed an opportunity up because it's never happened. A few women have asked me for directions and sometimes women are trying to sell me something but that's it.