An Ideal Conversation

[mug]

Trailer Trish's thread "One way conversation" got me wondering:

What is an ideal conversation? or maybe better What is an ideal conversationalist?

Since conversations are something I rarely get to practice except with a couple family members, I had never really thought about how poor my attempts may be.

So, help! Who, how, or what do you enjoy in a conversation with others. Specifics, please, if you feel comfortable.

Not what is wrong with people but what the friendly people, the ones that you enjoy talking to, do right?

Thank you in advance for any input,
mug

 

[TropicalStarfish]

The movie, "My Dinner With Andre", comes to mind.

I suppose the best conversations are the ones that have the most natural flow to them. For me I enjoy 1 on 1 socializing the most. There are less factors to worry about and I can be a bit more real with the individual than the whole. It's always great to discover new things about people and have a healthy balance of listening and speaking.

However, I think for some reason, many of us get trapped in this state of mind where we feel we must speak and therefor fail to listen. Not in that we are not trying to listen, but that we can't hear what the other person is saying, because inside of our head we are contemplating so heavily on other matters and or factors. At least it is so with me.

Every now and then I am blessed with some Satori and really hear what some one else is saying and feel their presence. Other times idle conversation to pass the time is more than enough.

My thoughts on the matter any way. It is rare in the realm of physical people I can encounter a like mind in a situation that is conducive to socializing, it seems there is usually some catch or a myriad of words, ideas, or notions that I best not utter aloud lest I make some one uncomfortable.

 

[mug]

The movie, "My Dinner With Andre", comes to mind.

I suppose the best conversations are the ones that have the most natural flow to them. For me I enjoy 1 on 1 socializing the most. There are less factors to worry about and I can be a bit more real with the individual than the whole. It's always great to discover new things about people and have a healthy balance of listening and speaking.

However, I think for some reason, many of us get trapped in this state of mind where we feel we must speak and therefor fail to listen. Not in that we are not trying to listen, but that we can't hear what the other person is saying, because inside of our head we are contemplating so heavily on other matters and or factors. At least it is so with me.

Every now and then I am blessed with some Satori and really hear what some one else is saying and feel their presence. Other times idle conversation to pass the time is more than enough.

My thoughts on the matter any way. It is rare in the realm of physical people I can encounter a like mind in a situation that is conducive to socializing, it seems there is usually some catch or a myriad of words, ideas, or notions that I best not utter aloud lest I make some one uncomfortable.

Thanks, Tropical Starfish
I can definitely get caught up in the fear and excitment and novelty of a conversation that I talk too much about myself or freeze up and offer just tidbits of tadbits.

If I am not getting too personal, TS, would you give any specifics of exactly what you might find interesting in another? I will try to catch "My Dinner with Andre"
Thx, mug

 

[Poguesy]

One thing i am good at.

 

[mug]

One thing i am good at.

Please share! Please share!
mug

 

[Lost Drifter]

I think most conversations tend to fail when, as Trailer Trish said, it becomes a boring one way conversation with one person making all the effort and the other offering not much more than scant responses. It soon feels like a questionnaire session with the asker (the person taking the lead) feeling tired of having to make all the effort to keep flow and converse. This happens A LOT.

Conversations aren’t difficult or laborious affairs, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People author Dale Carnegie wrote that one of the best ways to encourage a friendly relationship is to show an interest in the people. Everyone wants to feel like they are special and everyone wants to be heard, those are basic human traits right there, but far too many conversations fall into one person showing all the interest and the other giving nothing in return. Conversations like most things in life are a two-way process and as much as you want someone to be interested in you, you then have to be interested in them in return. This applies to both real life and online.

Throw in a few questions and LISTEN to their answers, ask them about themselves, a common situation or some experience you may share, use that information to take the conversation forward. Sure there are going to be times when you’re expected to just listen, nothing wrong with that at all, but if listening is dominating your role in the conversation (as in you’re always listening but never being listened to) in can get far too tiresome. Like I said it is a two-way process, if one side isn’t making an effort then it will soon fail, it’s just common courtesy.

 

[mug]

I think most conversations tend to fail when, as Trailer Trish said, it becomes a boring one way conversation with one person making all the effort and the other offering not much more than scant responses. It soon feels like a questionnaire session with the asker (the person taking the lead) feeling tired of having to make all the effort to keep flow and converse. This happens A LOT.

Conversations aren’t difficult or laborious affairs, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People author Dale Carnegie wrote that one of the best ways to encourage a friendly relationship is to show an interest in the people. Everyone wants to feel like they are special and everyone wants to be heard, those are basic human traits right there, but far too many conversations fall into one person showing all the interest and the other giving nothing in return. Conversations like most things in life are a two-way process and as much as you want someone to be interested in you, you then have to be interested in them in return. This applies to both real life and online.

Throw in a few questions and LISTEN to their answers, ask them about themselves, a common situation or some experience you may share, use that information to take the conversation forward. Sure there are going to be times when you’re expected to just listen, nothing wrong with that at all, but if listening is dominating your role in the conversation (as in you’re always listening but never being listened to) in can get far too tiresome. Like I said it is a two-way process, if one side isn’t making an effort then it will soon fail, it’s just common courtesy.

I agree, and I completely understand what you are saying. Unfortunately for someone with social anxiety, common courtesy of showing an interest and contributing something worthwhile to propel a conversation, can fail for any number of reasons. I guess lively conversations just appear so much more complicated to me than they really are, I wondered what else there was to their mystery?
mug

 

[Tiina63]

I have had many of the sort of conversations which Lone Drifter describes, where I have to make all the effort and the other person just sits there and barely responds. Oftne it turns into my asking a series of questions in a desperate attempt to get the other person to talk either about themselves or anything else. It's especially bad when they start yawning, because it makes me feel like shaking them and saying 'if you are so bored with the effort I am making, why don't you take over and carry the conversational burden for a while instead of leaving it all to me?' An ideal conversation is where both people take responsibilty for making the conversation work. Meeting someone where the conversation just flows is rare, but so good when it does happen.

 

[mug]

Are there specific things that make a person friendly (or appear friendly) interesting (or appear interesting) approachable (or appear approachable? Are their "vibes" people give off or mannerisms or whatever? Sometimes even before you talk to them? Thus the "appear" friendly,interesting, approachable. As well as after you've begun talking?
Thx
mug

---

I have a relative who is an amazing conversationalist (at first meeting) She could get nuke codes out of the President. She knows how to relax you, ask the right questions, be funny, and make you seem like you are the only person in the room. She is very socially 'keen' and picks up on things to ask you about. But something then goes wrong, after a few meetings when she asks all the same questions only rewording them every time she sees you. Which makes it seem like she didn't believe you, or she never cared to listen in the first place. Odd.
mug

@Tiina 63, I have had some of those conversations too. I have been the one someone is trying to get to talk, as well as sometimes trying to get someone to talk to me. It is very frustrating on both sides.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Repore...back n forth like playing tennis.
Communications are beyound words sometimes.

Kindda like being on a teeder toddler...
Don't you just hate it when your friend
Have ya hanging in the air...then they get off.lol

 

[Lost Drifter]

Don't you just hate it when your friend
Have ya hanging in the air...then they get off.lol

You know what they say...that a good entertainer always leaves their audience wanting more

 

[Arsenic Queen]

---

 

[Poguesy]

One thing i am good at.

Please share! Please share!
mug

Only in the real world