another "friend" bites the dust

[Peaches]

Why do I keep writing all these stories here? Sorry...
Here goes the other only moral support that I had for the last year and a half, this really funny, smart guy, that I would see only socially or for coffee dates to avoid complications because he is attached and just had a baby. He was very supportive on many things, helpful with practical stuff, and a part of me always wondered why he did it. He seemed to honestly like me, we have lots of things in common, and he seems to be a bit in a rut with his wife but still caring about her, so I thought our friendship could be some harmless entertainment for him, very innocent, I avoided talking about personal things, but I cared about him, he was my paragon for a honest guy, I was hoping to find someone like him.

Instead, after a particularly nice meeting in an outdoors cafe, when we parted instead of you know, hugging, kissing on the cheeks etc he tried to kiss me on the mouth, adding this is how friends part in (****) (this part of the world). (I refused it, of course).
Now, I asked to three different local people about this local usage, and from all the three of them I got these strong belly laughs because they never heard of it, so not only I feel my boundaries have been violated, but also that I was played for a fool.

I find this very depressing, especially because in this period of my life I am not very attractive (not that I have ever been much, but it doesn't matter), I got a lot of weight, wearing only unflattering clothes etc, and I was hoping that this would at least weed out the guys who were only interested in one thing, but apparently it is not enough.

He was technically a good friend, the only one who helped me in some difficult situations, with moves etc, and I feel bad from cutting him out from my life, but I don't know what was the worst, he making something like a pass at me or him insisting in the lie that it is common usage. I wanted to post this in the JohnD thread, but found that closed, because it's really the same story, only on the other side. Why so many men are just after one thing?

 

[duff]

Why do I keep writing all these stories here? Sorry...
Here goes the other only moral support that I had for the last year and a half, this really funny, smart guy, that I would see only socially or for coffee dates to avoid complications because he is attached and just had a baby. He was very supportive on many things, helpful with practical stuff, and a part of me always wondered why he did it. He seemed to honestly like me, we have lots of things in common, and he seems to be a bit in a rut with his wife but still caring about her, so I thought our friendship could be some harmless entertainment for him, very innocent, I avoided talking about personal things, but I cared about him, he was my paragon for a honest guy, I was hoping to find someone like him.

Instead, after a particularly nice meeting in an outdoors cafe, when we parted instead of you know, hugging, kissing on the cheeks etc he tried to kiss me on the mouth, adding this is how friends part in (****) (this part of the world). (I refused it, of course).
Now, I asked to three different local people about this local usage, and from all the three of them I got these strong belly laughs because they never heard of it, so not only I feel my boundaries have been violated, but also that I was played for a fool.

I find this very depressing, especially because in this period of my life I am not very attractive (not that I have ever been much, but it doesn't matter), I got a lot of weight, wearing only unflattering clothes etc, and I was hoping that this would at least weed out the guys who were only interested in one thing, but apparently it is not enough.

He was technically a good friend, the only one who helped me in some difficult situations, with moves etc, and I feel bad from cutting him out from my life, but I don't know what was the worst, he making something like a pass at me or him insisting in the lie that it is common usage. I wanted to post this in the JohnD thread, but found that closed, because it's really the same story, only on the other side. Why so many men are just after one thing?

I have no idea.

I often think the really nice guys (I include myself in that !) are sat at home watching the tv or reading a book and feeling very lonely. We don't get a chance. I would never make a pass at a woman who was obviously only a friend. I guess that makes me boring.

 

[Peaches]

bless you for that

 

[Felix]

Maybe you're hot in a sort of messy way without realizing... But yeah what he did sucks.

 

[el Jay]

I never got how some people could be so arrogantly bold as to make an attempt like that. It sucks that it happened. Although obviously, if that's how he felt about things, he probably wouldn't have worked as a more long-term friend, it doesn't do much to keep the loneliness at bay. I know that far too well myself.

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

I have many friends who are women, sadly I'd nail all of them in a heartbeat and then feel guilty about it.

A very old flame helped me through the intial breakup of my former relationship which was really nice of her but then got really weird.

Men are stupid, I am living proof of this.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I wouldn't stereotype the male gender because of this guy. He obviously became attracted to you and attempted to do something he should have thought twice about doing. But most men are not after one thing.

 

[Coeur]

I have no idea...

Men offline have been honest about what they want one way or another, but online no amount of "just looking for friends and chat" will keep away the ones looking for a little something if I'm visiting some kind of support forum. It's stressful since I can't have reliable, long-term, individual support in such communities due to the undercurrent of veiled intentions and ignored requests unless I only talk to other women.

Sometimes I think "if only they were so eager to be in touch offline," but I'd probably eat my words the moment I was in your situation.

 

[Peaches]

what hurts more is not just making the move, but the bullshit, the covering up, like it meant nothing, but he should have thought of a better lie because that one was just ridiculous. That I cannot forgive. Nice but Dim Jim, you'd nail your friends if there was the chance, but would you go out of your way to create such a situation, when they don't send you any signals in that direction?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Played for a fool because he tried to kiss you on the mouth? That's a little extreme, don't you think? I mean, he shouldn't have tried it, especially if you've made it clear to him where the relationship stands. But I don't think he was trying to "fool" you. It was a bit of trickery, no doubt. But I don't think playing you for stupid was his intention. I think he was just trying to think of a good reason (excuse even perhaps) to kiss you. That reason may have fallen flat, leaving him looking like the idiot when you found out it wasn't true, but I wouldn't (personally) be upset over it. I'd laugh it off, but if he tried anything funny again, I'd string him up by the balls.

 

[InnerFeelings]

Hello. Having read this thread I want to say it is a shame that this has had to happen. But I will say this. You said he was you only moral support etc. What I have come to learn is that many people, including us all make a lot of mistakes both bi and small. I'm not here to [reach or anything like that. But ask yourself, is it something worth throwing away or salvaging?

I have had a lot of dissapointments in my life and made a lot of mistakes I wish I could et the chance to put right (some I have, thankfully. I still think about the good times I shared with once so special people in my life.

Life is too short, lets try to make things right even how impossible they may seem.

Love & Light,

I.F

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

Nice but Dim Jim, you'd nail your friends if there was the chance, but would you go out of your way to create such a situation, when they don't send you any signals in that direction?

Na, why risk a good friendship. Been there done that.

I remember a very drunk lady best friend tried it on with me and because my guilty conscience kicked in, declined the advances. She hasn't spoke to me in over 10years.

 

[African_weasel]

You should forgive him because through out the years he has known you he probably developed feelings for you but just went about it the wrong way. He should have asked you for a date first.

 

[theglasscell]

Why do I keep writing all these stories here? Sorry...
Here goes the other only moral support that I had for the last year and a half, this really funny, smart guy, that I would see only socially or for coffee dates to avoid complications because he is attached and just had a baby. He was very supportive on many things, helpful with practical stuff, and a part of me always wondered why he did it. He seemed to honestly like me, we have lots of things in common, and he seems to be a bit in a rut with his wife but still caring about her, so I thought our friendship could be some harmless entertainment for him, very innocent, I avoided talking about personal things, but I cared about him, he was my paragon for a honest guy, I was hoping to find someone like him.

Instead, after a particularly nice meeting in an outdoors cafe, when we parted instead of you know, hugging, kissing on the cheeks etc he tried to kiss me on the mouth, adding this is how friends part in (****) (this part of the world). (I refused it, of course).
Now, I asked to three different local people about this local usage, and from all the three of them I got these strong belly laughs because they never heard of it, so not only I feel my boundaries have been violated, but also that I was played for a fool.

I find this very depressing, especially because in this period of my life I am not very attractive (not that I have ever been much, but it doesn't matter), I got a lot of weight, wearing only unflattering clothes etc, and I was hoping that this would at least weed out the guys who were only interested in one thing, but apparently it is not enough.

He was technically a good friend, the only one who helped me in some difficult situations, with moves etc, and I feel bad from cutting him out from my life, but I don't know what was the worst, he making something like a pass at me or him insisting in the lie that it is common usage. I wanted to post this in the JohnD thread, but found that closed, because it's really the same story, only on the other side. Why so many men are just after one thing?

I don't mean to make light of this, but trying to look bad isn't going to weed out horny guys. My mom is really old and barely has any teeth, plus she dresses like a homeless person. Random creepy old guys still hit on her all the time.

 

[Bones]

 

[Bei]

Hi Peaches, sorry to hear about your friend. I bet it must have felt disappointing. I know the feeling of thinking something is one thing and turns out to be another. I've only ever had bad experiences with guys but I still know they're not all like that. Don't give up hope.

 

[duff]

what hurts more is not just making the move, but the bullshit, the covering up, like it meant nothing, but he should have thought of a better lie because that one was just ridiculous. That I cannot forgive. Nice but Dim Jim, you'd nail your friends if there was the chance, but would you go out of your way to create such a situation, when they don't send you any signals in that direction?

people lie. people are arrogant, think they can get what they want.

 

[Peaches]

[

I don't mean to make light of this, but trying to look bad isn't going to weed out horny guys. My mom is really old and barely has any teeth, plus she dresses like a homeless person. Random creepy old guys still hit on her all the time.
[/quote]


LOL! yes, I guess all this is a rather laughable matter.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Peaches, I am so sorry that you are feeling so hurt and let down by your friend. Kissing you on the mouth could mean that he feels attracted to you or it could have been an momentary impulse and then he felt ambarrassed and so invented the story about its being the custom where he comes from to kiss on the mouth? People do often say something stupid like this when they are embarrassed.

 

[Peaches]

yes Tiina, that was my conclusion as well, but it was a really stupid excuse people (including myself) can be clumsy