R
ricardo361
Guest
Hi everybody! My name is Richard and I just stumbled across this site while aimlessly browsing the internet looking for answers to my pain. I am a 24 year old man, born in the philippines but adopted as a baby by an Australian family who I lived-with until I was 18.
According to my foster family, workmates and many other 'contacts' I am a successful, healthy and accomplished man with no worries in the world. In many senses they are right, but that is because they are all as emotionally intelligent as a tree stump.
I may be a trained architect, have an athletic body, live independently, am financially secure and have some wonderful close friends, but my life to me is just a painful, lonely journey leading nowhere worthwhile other than to more responsibility, more deadlines and more pressure.
Because my foster parents were very critical of me and abused me a lot when growing-up, I never developed a proper bond with them and resented their behaviour for the entire[/i] time we lived together. l have never been able to understand love and intimacy in relationships and it has always been something I have greatly desired since I was young. Everyday it is rubbed in my face when I step out of the door and to be honest I dont know how much longer I can continue 'living' like this before I do something irrational.
I have never had a partner or even been out with anyone and it is a source of massive frustration and anger for me because I feel like a perfectly decent person who has many qualities a woman would disire. But because of this lack of experience in romance, and the sheer desperation I have to live ahave this, I am never able to get the chance to demonstrate myself to potential partners before being thrown into the 'too desperate' or 'too serious' bin.
Everyone always tells me the same old crap about not worrying but that is just impossible because as a human being, I need the physical touch of a companion and the emotional clensing that comes with an intimate relationship. Without that I am just a body operating in rather indifferent fashion to a machine. I have too much pride to even consider taking my life, but at the same time I am too lonely and hurting to want to continue existing like this. I know there is no answer apart from finding that someone to love, but I just want to put it down here because it sounds like many others here are stuck in the same prison-like lifestyle.
I am happy to chat with anyone here and I am actually a very friendly person, just a bit downbeat so thanks to all for reading my story and I look-forward to chating with you again soon.
According to my foster family, workmates and many other 'contacts' I am a successful, healthy and accomplished man with no worries in the world. In many senses they are right, but that is because they are all as emotionally intelligent as a tree stump.
I may be a trained architect, have an athletic body, live independently, am financially secure and have some wonderful close friends, but my life to me is just a painful, lonely journey leading nowhere worthwhile other than to more responsibility, more deadlines and more pressure.
Because my foster parents were very critical of me and abused me a lot when growing-up, I never developed a proper bond with them and resented their behaviour for the entire[/i] time we lived together. l have never been able to understand love and intimacy in relationships and it has always been something I have greatly desired since I was young. Everyday it is rubbed in my face when I step out of the door and to be honest I dont know how much longer I can continue 'living' like this before I do something irrational.
I have never had a partner or even been out with anyone and it is a source of massive frustration and anger for me because I feel like a perfectly decent person who has many qualities a woman would disire. But because of this lack of experience in romance, and the sheer desperation I have to live ahave this, I am never able to get the chance to demonstrate myself to potential partners before being thrown into the 'too desperate' or 'too serious' bin.
Everyone always tells me the same old crap about not worrying but that is just impossible because as a human being, I need the physical touch of a companion and the emotional clensing that comes with an intimate relationship. Without that I am just a body operating in rather indifferent fashion to a machine. I have too much pride to even consider taking my life, but at the same time I am too lonely and hurting to want to continue existing like this. I know there is no answer apart from finding that someone to love, but I just want to put it down here because it sounds like many others here are stuck in the same prison-like lifestyle.
I am happy to chat with anyone here and I am actually a very friendly person, just a bit downbeat so thanks to all for reading my story and I look-forward to chating with you again soon.