I am a very hyper person. I've always loved life, nature, people, and action. For the past two years I have developed an increased amount of anxiety. The feeling is something similar to a person reaching their hand straight into my chest and trying to pull my lungs out. It started as social anxiety. Certain people and places would make me feel dizzy and uncomfortable, so i started to avoid them. I stopped going out with my friends, and would just stay at home with my boyfriend.
For about a year now I have been going to sleep around 3am. As soon as I hit the sheets, my heart beats very quickly and my teeth start grinding. I'll focus and relax my jaw, but I think I am doing it in my sleep.
When I was a teenager, I went to the doctor because I felt like i couldn't breathe. I was breathing, but it felt like I wasn't getting any air. I ran outside and struggled for air, but nothing changed except for the fact that i got really dizzy. anyway, i went to the Doctor and they did some tests and concluded I was faking it. Well let me tell you, it felt pretty **** real to me.
I've had countless people give me advice about being at ease, feeling stress free, relaxing my mind, accepting the inevitible, and so on...... meditation, diet, excercise, religion, counseling, they say it will make all the anxiety go away. I go to work everyday, and as soon as I leave the house, I'm usually ok, but the problem for me is getting myself to leave the house. I just don't want to. I realize this is depression, but it all stems from my anxiety.
Sometimes I cry. I'll crawl into bed, curl up into a ball, and just cry. My boyfriend knows how I've been feeling, but he really doesn't know what to do. I don't know what he can do either. I don't want to take anti-anxiety or anti-depression pills. I've had bad experiences with both in the past. I don't like pills. I was diagnosed with ADD, in high school, and I've always just worked extra hard to stay on task.
I feel like my head is going to explode. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, all the time. I wish I could just get silence sometimes. A blank mind for 10 minutes-not 1 thought. that would be great. Even when i sleep, my dreams are long and strange, and i never feel like I get any rest. I promise you all, I am not on drugs, of any kind. I don't even drink. I just can't find peace. All I want is to feel okay.
For about a year now I have been going to sleep around 3am. As soon as I hit the sheets, my heart beats very quickly and my teeth start grinding. I'll focus and relax my jaw, but I think I am doing it in my sleep.
When I was a teenager, I went to the doctor because I felt like i couldn't breathe. I was breathing, but it felt like I wasn't getting any air. I ran outside and struggled for air, but nothing changed except for the fact that i got really dizzy. anyway, i went to the Doctor and they did some tests and concluded I was faking it. Well let me tell you, it felt pretty **** real to me.
I've had countless people give me advice about being at ease, feeling stress free, relaxing my mind, accepting the inevitible, and so on...... meditation, diet, excercise, religion, counseling, they say it will make all the anxiety go away. I go to work everyday, and as soon as I leave the house, I'm usually ok, but the problem for me is getting myself to leave the house. I just don't want to. I realize this is depression, but it all stems from my anxiety.
Sometimes I cry. I'll crawl into bed, curl up into a ball, and just cry. My boyfriend knows how I've been feeling, but he really doesn't know what to do. I don't know what he can do either. I don't want to take anti-anxiety or anti-depression pills. I've had bad experiences with both in the past. I don't like pills. I was diagnosed with ADD, in high school, and I've always just worked extra hard to stay on task.
I feel like my head is going to explode. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, all the time. I wish I could just get silence sometimes. A blank mind for 10 minutes-not 1 thought. that would be great. Even when i sleep, my dreams are long and strange, and i never feel like I get any rest. I promise you all, I am not on drugs, of any kind. I don't even drink. I just can't find peace. All I want is to feel okay.
