Any hope to find my "type" is practically nonexistent...

[Badjedidude]

Either way, I am well aware that I am basically looking for a needle in an oversized haystack.

Not really. That would imply that you could only blindly feel through the hay until you feel a prick.

Penis jokes aside...

Have you tried targeting non-belief/atheist/agnostic groups? There are forums, dating sites, etc... all full of members who don't belief or who are questioning their beliefs. There are parts of the nation that are less religious than others... have you considered moving?

What I'm saying is: There are things you can do to increase your odds, to network with like-minded people, etc.

 

[Pike Creek]

Have you tried targeting non-belief/atheist/agnostic groups? There are forums, dating sites, etc... all full of members who don't belief or who are questioning their beliefs. There are parts of the nation that are less religious than others... have you considered moving?

What I'm saying is: There are things you can do to increase your odds, to network with like-minded people, etc.

Where I used to live, I didn't meet anyone because I was far too remote, and the men in my little village were already all married or didn't interest me. For a while I commuted to the city back and forth for dates, but it made things very difficult, so I did actually move to the city for a year. My sole reason for doing this was so that I could have more options for dating men. Also to make things easier instead of a 90 minute drive back and forth for one date. Moving is a big deal, but I had decided that I was going to find a mate, even if it involved moving back to the city I hated. I got lucky and he was a mountain man so we now live back up in the mountains, of course, that was part of my criteria.

I think that you CAN find your type, but as many members have said, you have to really look for her. You have to make opportunity for yourself.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Where I used to live, I didn't meet anyone because I was far too remote, and the men in my little village were already all married or didn't interest me. For a while I commuted to the city back and forth for dates, but it made things very difficult, so I did actually move to the city for a year. My sole reason for doing this was so that I could have more options for dating men. Also to make things easier instead of a 90 minute drive back and forth for one date. Moving is a big deal, but I had decided that I was going to find a mate, even if it involved moving back to the city I hated. I got lucky and he was a mountain man so we now live back up in the mountains, of course, that was part of my criteria.

I think that you CAN find your type, but as many members have said, you have to really look for her. You have to make opportunity for yourself.

Wow. I do agree that moving is a big deal, especially to a place you don't even like, but you were set on your goal. Most would probably have just settled for whoever was available in that town. I have to say, kudos to you for taking massive action.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Where I used to live, I didn't meet anyone because I was far too remote, and the men in my little village were already all married or didn't interest me. For a while I commuted to the city back and forth for dates, but it made things very difficult, so I did actually move to the city for a year. My sole reason for doing this was so that I could have more options for dating men. Also to make things easier instead of a 90 minute drive back and forth for one date. Moving is a big deal, but I had decided that I was going to find a mate, even if it involved moving back to the city I hated. I got lucky and he was a mountain man so we now live back up in the mountains, of course, that was part of my criteria.

I think that you CAN find your type, but as many members have said, you have to really look for her. You have to make opportunity for yourself.

Wow. I do agree that moving is a big deal, especially to a place you don't even like, but you were set on your goal. Most would probably have just settled for whoever was available in that town. I have to say, kudos to you for taking massive action.

I'm guessing Pike's post justified the fact that you believe everyone here is telling you to just "settle" when really, you probably completely missed her point just to feel better about all your posts. What I got was she was proactive about her search, and sacrificed sacrificed sacrificed for it. She didn't just mope around, blaming others for things she doesn't have in life, and wondering why all the bad people get good things.

Read the post again, without being on a high horse.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

I'm of the opinion(& it is just my own opinion) that rather than investing all that effort & time in looking & hunting for the ideal mate, instead it might be a better usage of a persons valuable & all too limited time & energy to work on themselves....on becoming the best person they can be....trying new things, doing more of the things they enjoy, learning about themselves, developing themselves.

Then when that person happens upon, or bumps into that other special person there are many things that would draw them together & interest them perhaps......

& in the end, if that special person never happens along, at least the time & energy has been put to good use making the most of what life has to give....

...just a thought.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm guessing Pike's post justified the fact that you believe everyone here is telling you to just "settle" when really, you probably completely missed her point just to feel better about all your posts. What I got was she was proactive about her search, and sacrificed sacrificed sacrificed for it. She didn't just mope around, blaming others for things she doesn't have in life, and wondering why all the bad people get good things.

Read the post again, without being on a high horse.

I was actually being sincere in praising her for taking a massive step outside of her preferences and comfort zone, and that's it. Just a salute, a tip of my hat. Not relating it to me or my situation in any specific sense. I used the word "settle", but I only meant it in the context of what she was talking about.

Funny thing about guessing, sometimes you're wrong.

 

[Pike Creek]

Moving was a huge sacrifice for me because I LOVED living in the mountains...but yes, Nilla, I was committed to my "quest". I had to be proactive to get what I wanted. I wasted too many years hoping and sitting on my hands doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself. I see finding a relationship different from others, I see it as a job in a sort of way. Research, thought, effort, planning, and finally action. Also the expectation of failure and the strength to pick myself up, learn from the last failure and keep trying until something works. I never gave up, gosh I dated so many guys in that one year....I thought I'd never find anyone for the long-term, but my persistence paid off finally. I wish it was as easy as bumping into someone with similar interests, and maybe that works in larger communities, but it wasn't going to happen in my little village of 1000 people who are already settled down for their lives. My efforts worked for me, but I can see how some wouldn't even consider making such efforts. I guess it depends on where you are in your life and how much you want to reach your goal - and I use this philosophy for pretty much all aspects in life.

---

I was actually being sincere in praising her for taking a massive step outside of her preferences and comfort zone, and that's it. Just a salute, a tip of my hat. Not relating it to me or my situation in any specific sense. I used the word "settle", but I only meant it in the context of what she was talking about.

Funny thing about guessing, sometimes you're wrong.

Thanks for the kudos. It was a big step, but it was all part of the plan. It did take me a few years to actually do it though, I truly didn't want to move, but I knew I had to find a bigger dating pool, so to speak, to give myself more opportunity.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm of the opinion(& it is just my own opinion) that rather than investing all that effort & time in looking & hunting for the ideal mate, instead it might be a better usage of a persons valuable & all too limited time & energy to work on themselves....on becoming the best person they can be....trying new things, doing more of the things they enjoy, learning about themselves, developing themselves.

Then when that person happens upon, or bumps into that other special person there are many things that would draw them together & interest them perhaps......

& in the end, if that special person never happens along, at least the time & energy has been put to good use making the most of what life has to give....

...just a thought.

Yeah, I think so too.

 

[Punisher]

I want a deep, intimate and legitimate connection. A nerdy gamer girl who also does not want kids and is in no way religious.

You've canceled out almost 90 percent of the world population right there. That will leave 10 percent. But how many in that 10 percent will be female, a nerdy gamer, in your country and will not want children ?

Not 90%. The distribution is more like 59% religious, 23% non-religious, and 13% atheist, according to Gallup International's 2012 survey here.

At about 36% non-religious or atheist, I think edgecrusher's chances of finding someone are better than if he said he only want to date a redhead.

I'm not sure of the statistics but from what I've always read it was a little higher than that. I think it's said that 85-90% of people believe in god even if they aren't religious. Though there are certain.... things, that come with that belief so in a way they are sort of religious to begin with.

Either way, I am well aware that I am basically looking for a needle in an oversized haystack.

84 percent in 2012.

Anyway, edgecrusher, it's not so bad. I'm a Christian, and my first girlfriend was an atheist. We hardly ever mentioned religion in the three or so years we were together. Also, she hated gaming, but still sat with me and watched me play shitty games

You will find someone who will enjoy spending time with you. Just get rid of your check list

 

[Case]

Not 90%. The distribution is more like 59% religious, 23% non-religious, and 13% atheist, according to Gallup International's 2012 survey here.

At about 36% non-religious or atheist, I think edgecrusher's chances of finding someone are better than if he said he only want to date a redhead.

84 percent in 2012.

Ah, dueling surveys. How fun! Let's look at them, shall we?

Gallup Int'l ran their own detailed survey about being religious or not. Pew studied "censuses" (some of which are nearly 15 years old,) where social and political pressures often influence respondents into marking down a religion to avoid being ostracized. Furthermore, campaigns frequently pop up pressuring people to mark the census in certain ways. (In Australia in 2011, there was a campaign to get more people to identify themselves as Christians for that year's census in an effort to prevent Muslims from gaining public funding to build more mosques. It spawned a counter-campaign to get people to label themselves as "Not Religious.")

Since the census numbers can be corrupted, I trust the Gallup Int'l survey's findings.

But that's not the real point. Since edgecrusher seeks a non-religious mate, the Gallup Int'l survey gives him a better idea of how many religious and non-religious people there are currently.

It was my effort to show edgecrusher that the non-religious population is far from the numbers he might have thought, and that his chances of finding a mate are not as bad as he thinks. Also, I'm sure the latter part of your message attempted to do just that, so we both have the same goal in encouraging him, even if our cited surveys do clash.

 

[Ymir]

You can always burn the haystack.

 

[Tealeaf]

Minus the "gamer" part, you're describing me. I'm hunting through the increasing minority of people who prefer things like technology, literature, mathematics, and language to video games and anime for company in general, so to an extent I feel your pain. All nerd means now is Doctor Who and League of Legends, which gets boring after awhile when I want friendships where I can learn, exchange experiences, and collaborate.

Talking to my instructors is always the best part of my day, but they're men in their late 30's to mid 50's. Considering that I'm a student of theirs and only just approaching my mid 20's, it would be weird for us to spend any more time together than is required for class. There are two older women (40's or 50's?) in my classes who have good ideas to contribute and one of them is married to a programmer, so we might enjoy talking about our coursework and collaborating. We're already faster than the boys. I see them around sometimes and we're classmates, at least. There's also a woman my age who's into podcasts.

I don't think it's easy to live your life expecting something rare to come along. You spend so much time building yourself up to be completed by another or by some uncontrollable external circumstance that you're just left wanting when you could have so much more. In 5 years, I could still be searching for someone... or I could be published, gainfully employed in a field I like, speaking two languages fluently, and more. Which one guarantees some level of happiness?

 

[Case]

In 5 years, I could still be searching for someone... or I could be published, gainfully employed in a field I like, speaking two languages fluently, and more. Which one guarantees some level of happiness?

Actually, neither option guarantees happiness. People think that a bf/gf will make them happy, or that a better job will make them happy, but it's not necessarily true.

What we do or who we date does not matter as much as how we fundamentally feel about ourselves.

.

 

[Tealeaf]

In 5 years, I could still be searching for someone... or I could be published, gainfully employed in a field I like, speaking two languages fluently, and more. Which one guarantees some level of happiness?

Actually, neither option guarantees happiness. People think that a bf/gf will make them happy, or that a better job will make them happy, but it's not necessarily true.

What we do or who we date does not matter as much as how we fundamentally feel about ourselves.

To me, they do guarantee happiness. Obtaining "intellectual goods" as well as personal successes has always made me happy, and I have a significant amount of control over them.

I will speak a second language if I put in an hour a day for several months.

I may or may not meet someone and develop a successful, lasting relationship if I make a point of putting in the time and effort. Say, going on at least a few dates a month.

 

[Case]

To me, they do guarantee happiness. Obtaining "intellectual goods" as well as personal successes has always made me happy, and I have a significant amount of control over them.

I will speak a second language if I put in an hour a day for several months.

I may or may not meet someone and develop a successful, lasting relationship if I make a point of putting in the time and effort. Say, going on at least a few dates a month.

If learning a 2nd language makes you happy, I think that's great. My only contention was using the word "guarantee" with respect to an emotional state. Nothing guarantees us attaining or retaining an emotional state. It may be plausible, or even likely, but not guaranteed. That's all I was saying.

 

[Tealeaf]

To me, they do guarantee happiness. Obtaining "intellectual goods" as well as personal successes has always made me happy, and I have a significant amount of control over them.

I will speak a second language if I put in an hour a day for several months.

I may or may not meet someone and develop a successful, lasting relationship if I make a point of putting in the time and effort. Say, going on at least a few dates a month.

If learning a 2nd language makes you happy, I think that's great. My only contention was using the word "guarantee" with respect to an emotional state. Nothing guarantees us attaining or retaining an emotional state. It may be plausible, or even likely, but not guaranteed. That's all I was saying.

Okay.

I could be struck dead by lightning when I step out of my door tomorrow or shot by a gunman, but it's so unlikely that I'm going to go ahead and say it's safe for me to go outside. That's just the wording people use, and it's not going to change.

 

[Case]

Fair enough. Back to regular programming.

 

[Pike Creek]

I thought the same thing after many years of solitude, that a bf in my life would guarantee my happy completion as a woman. I'd already worked on myself and became a well-balanced woman with many hobbies, good values, financial health, physical health and manageable mental health...all that was missing was romance and a mate. Finding and staying in a relationship has guaranteed my ultimate happiness because that's what I personally consider joy...a mixture of all that makes me happy plus a bf. Though there are inevitable ups and downs in every situation, overall I'm much happier being a couple than being single. I guess anyone can argue that word guarantee again! But it's a personal evaluation of my life that I took, of what I want and what I consider would guarantee me to be a complete woman and ensure my happiness. Sounds corny maybe.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Happiness isn't a guarantee. Nothing is promised to us. We aren't owed anything in life.

 

[ardour]

Happiness isn't a guarantee. Nothing is promised to us. We aren't owed anything in life.

Is that supposed to stop people wishing for what's absent? Because it doesn't help. And coming from someone who has a partner it's a little bit galling.

I have little in common with most people around me, being into gaming, 70's cheesetastic soul music, ancient history, sci fi (of course), and hopefully scuba diving at some point. For the soul reason that I enjoy those particular things.

Quire a few people in my age group seem to take on activities as self-improvement exercises rather than something they genuinely like doing, with the apparent attitude that spare time should be used productively. I consider that boring, not because what they're doing is dull, rather they have no passion for it and generally don't know how to have fun. I couldn't be more unenthusiastic about getting involved in this or that just for the sake of personal growth.