Any hope to find my "type" is practically nonexistent...

[VanillaCreme]

Happiness isn't a guarantee. Nothing is promised to us. We aren't owed anything in life.

Is that supposed to stop people wishing for what's absent? Because it doesn't help. And coming from someone who has a partner, it's a little bit galling.

Where did you come up with that response to what I said? Calm your bubbles. No where did I say that anyone should stop wishing for anything. And my "partner" has nothing to do with what I said. I don't depend on him for anything, nor lean on him for much of anything. What does having a partner have anything to do with that at all? Royally confused about that right there.

 

[ardour]

And my "partner" has nothing to do with what I said. I don't depend on him for anything, nor lean on him for much of anything.

You're happier for him being in your life. Pretty obvious. It's a little annoying to hear someone partnered up tell single people life doesn't owe them. This has been gone over in various threads I think.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

.... I couldn't be more unenthusiastic about getting involved in this or that just for the sake of personal growth.

Is personal growth not something to be valued? I may have picked you up incorrectly, it just came across that way in what I read.

Is happiness not something that should come from within?
I have learned this, we hold the key to our happiness within our own hearts, you can try to give that key away to someone but it wont work, the only way to unlock your happiness is to turn that key for yourself.

How can we ever expect another soul to join us in happiness, if we do not first know how to be happy within ourselves?

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

Further reading, should anyone wish to practice the art of being happy.

Be happy

 

[VanillaCreme]

And my "partner" has nothing to do with what I said. I don't depend on him for anything, nor lean on him for much of anything.

You're happier for him being in your life. Pretty obvious. It's a little annoying to hear someone partnered up tell single people life doesn't owe them. This has been gone over in various threads I think.

No, I'm not. I was perfectly fine with myself before him. If I am single tomorrow, I'd give the same advice as I did today. I'm honestly, legitimately, scratching my head over this. Is anyone else thinking the same as Ardour? Because my relationship has nothing to do with what my advice is. When I was single 5 years ago, I was saying the very same thing. There are a few people who have known me long enough to testify to the fact that I've said that life doesn't owe us anything before I was with my guy.

Maybe forget the fact I'm with someone when reading my posts. Because, really, I have no clue where that even ties in with what I said. Single or not, life doesn't owe me anything.

 

[Limlim]

And my "partner" has nothing to do with what I said. I don't depend on him for anything, nor lean on him for much of anything.

You're happier for him being in your life. Pretty obvious. It's a little annoying to hear someone partnered up tell single people life doesn't owe them. This has been gone over in various threads I think.

If it helps I've been on this forum for a few years now and knew Nilla before she ended up with her current boyfriend. To her credit her attitude on the subject was much the same back then as it is now.

 

[Tealeaf]

.... I couldn't be more unenthusiastic about getting involved in this or that just for the sake of personal growth.

Is personal growth not something to be valued? I may have picked you up incorrectly, it just came across that way in what I read.

Is happiness not something that should come from within?
I have learned this, we hold the key to our happiness within our own hearts, you can try to give that key away to someone but it wont work, the only way to unlock your happiness is to turn that key for yourself.

How can we ever expect another soul to join us in happiness, if we do not first know how to be happy within ourselves?

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

Further reading, should anyone wish to practice the art of being happy.

Be happy

Thankfully someone here gets it.

 

[edgecrusher]

Well I've tried regular dating sites, which aren't really for people like me. I tried finding atheist/agnostic dating sites and one for people who don't want kids. Specialty sites like that have VERY few members, most of whom haven't checked their profile in months or longer. Never anything in my area either. It's not that I am unwilling to look, it's that I don't really know where to look. I've looked into random forums too. Again, specialty forums have very few members. Very low activity. This was actually part of the reason I joined this forum as well. I'm naturally introverted and mostly a loner and was hoping to find someone like that with similar interests.

I really like this girl at work that I've been playing this new game with every day since it came out a week ago. Once we got past the awkwardness of meeting someone new, we talk much more comfortably now. We used to sit separate in the break room but now we sit next to each other and talk. She unfortunately has a boyfriend. And one that it seems is unwilling to go with or at least take her to a comic con thing here in November. I'm going to ask if she wants to go with me and hope that doesn't cause any issues. She's the type that ends up being friends with mostly guys and has admitted that her boyfriend is uncomfortable with that. The first person I find that I am legitimately interested in in a long time, that is actually here and not long distance.... in unavailable.

 

[Surcruxum]

Well, having preferences are normal, but I think that having high standards doesn't help ( I don't mean you). Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. I suggest that from your type, separate the ones that you can and can't tolerate. For ex: I can tolerate not having a nerdy girlfriend, but I can't tolerate an extrovert that keeps yapping all the time. After that, just find the one that fits your description, that is, the least objectionable.

There were girls who liked me, but I'm not into them. Years later I regret my decision. Recently I met an old friend and her friend. Her friend was cute. We talked for a while, then her friend ( a shy person) asked me if I want to come with them. I was awkward, and said NO, and then I left. I kept asking myself, why did I do that? I don't have high standards: quiet, affectionate ( clingy not insane), emotional ( I'm not emotional, and I'm attracted to them) average or not really beautiful is ok, having the same religion if possible. That's it. I can even make a smaller list than this.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Well I've tried regular dating sites, which aren't really for people like me. I tried finding atheist/agnostic dating sites and one for people who don't want kids. Specialty sites like that have VERY few members, most of whom haven't checked their profile in months or longer. Never anything in my area either. It's not that I am unwilling to look, it's that I don't really know where to look. I've looked into random forums too. Again, specialty forums have very few members. Very low activity. This was actually part of the reason I joined this forum as well. I'm naturally introverted and mostly a loner and was hoping to find someone like that with similar interests.

I do agree on the specialty sites. They never have a whole lot of members. But on the regular sites, I too have a hard time finding someone that has much in common with me beyond a few things here and there. I met girls on this other forum I was a part of, and I was really finally meeting my type but they lived far away and I just moved too slow.

But I'm really surprised you haven't found someone on OKCupid or the other regular dating sites to be honest, if all you're looking for is an atheist gamer girl who doesn't want kids. I've found lots of girls that are into games when I do a search by interest on those sites and enter "video games" as the interest. As for the kids, I've seen a fair number of profiles of people who aren't interested in that. And the atheism, I'd say I've seen many more atheists or non-religious than I've seen people who identify with a religion.

Haha...in fact, I have kind of the opposite problem as you. I'm not really religious myself. As a kid I always felt like going to church was for the most part another obligation like going to school, just another place to have to get stressed out getting dressed for and hurrying to get to. I just wanted to stay home and do what I wanted to do with my Sunday like I did on Saturday. And when I think of what I want in a partner, eh, I don't think I'm going to want someone who is going to insist on going to church every week. I find myself neither pro nor anti religion, I just kinda don't think about it just like politics or social issues. I prefer to not think about it. But I find atheism depressing so I don't think I'd want an atheist either. I'd want either someone who thinks there might be at least a chance at an afterlife or some continuation of our consciousness or existence, or someone who just prefers to live in the present and not think too much about it.

Would you consider someone who might identify with a religion, but isn't too serious about it? That's an demographic I've seen on OKCupid as well. There's lots of them. It might give you more options.

 

[EveWasFramed]

When I was single 5 years ago, I was saying the very same thing. There are a few people who have known me long enough to testify to the fact that I've said that life doesn't owe us anything before I was with my guy.

I can vouch for this. And having met Nilla (in person) on more than one occasion, I can say that she speaking truthfully.
I still wish she'd move back closer to me. :club:

And I promise that Jaylen doesn't throw doughnuts anymore.

 

[ladyforsaken]

When I was single 5 years ago, I was saying the very same thing. There are a few people who have known me long enough to testify to the fact that I've said that life doesn't owe us anything before I was with my guy.

I can vouch for this. And having met Nilla (in person) on more than one occasion, I can say that she speaking truthfully.
I still wish she'd move back closer to me. :club:

And I promise that Jaylen doesn't throw doughnuts anymore.

Aww that's so sweet you guys met!

Also whether I am single or not, I pretty much would chime in the same thing Nilla did. Yeap.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Thank you Lim, Eve, and Lady.

Well I've tried regular dating sites, which aren't really for people like me.

What about not bothering with dating sites, and just stick with gaming? Many people find their one doing something they enjoy. Don't look too hard. You may miss exactly what you're looking for.

 

[edgecrusher]

What about not bothering with dating sites, and just stick with gaming? Many people find their one doing something they enjoy. Don't look too hard. You may miss exactly what you're looking for.

Well I've tried dating sites too and they don't seem legitimate. Almost like a spam site and they also have very low activity. A main issue is that someone like that will be also at home gaming a lot. Like the girl at work. When she is not at work, she is at home gaming. It's just a weird situation with her. She seemed to be making attempts to talk to me and when we did there was that awkwardness between two people potentially interested in each other. Her expression seems to go from blah I'm at work to smiling when we see each other and I know I do the same thing. It's just an odd situation to me because she didn't bring up the boyfriend til a little after we started talking and she almost seemed reluctant to say it the first time she did. I don't know, maybe I'm looking into it too much.

But I find atheism depressing so I don't think I'd want an atheist either. I'd want either someone who thinks there might be at least a chance at an afterlife or some continuation of our consciousness or existence, or someone who just prefers to live in the present and not think too much about it.

Would you consider someone who might identify with a religion, but isn't too serious about it? That's an demographic I've seen on OKCupid as well. There's lots of them. It might give you more options.

I too don't actually like the term atheist, though I am one by default. The best term I have heard to describe me is humanist. Which basically just says that we should worry about improving the quality of life for everyone, not just humans but life in general, without any consideration for any "potential" supernatural.... anything. We should just observe the universe and see what it has to show us and advance through science and reason.

It's just one of those things that's really hard for me to get my head around. There is just WAY too much suspension of logic and reason required to believe in those things to me. The entire creator concept is so flawed that it's just so obviously man made to me. I don't really care if someone needs something to believe in to get them through the day, but when an assumed creator gets mentioned regularly it irks me. It just feels like a complacent rationalization for whatever we don't understand. That's all it's ever been throughout the course of history. I have no reason to believe that anything comes next and it's actually irrelevant anyway if we have no way of knowing until we get there. I don't stress about the idea of there being nothing after we die and the idea that there isn't doesn't bother me. I actually feel more alive for having had this realization. Now if I could just find something that truly inspires me to do something with myself.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What about not bothering with dating sites, and just stick with gaming? Many people find their one doing something they enjoy. Don't look too hard. You may miss exactly what you're looking for.

Well I've tried dating sites too and they don't seem legitimate. Almost like a spam site and they also have very low activity. A main issue is that someone like that will be also at home gaming a lot. Like the girl at work. When she is not at work, she is at home gaming. It's just a weird situation with her. She seemed to be making attempts to talk to me and when we did there was that awkwardness between two people potentially interested in each other. Her expression seems to go from blah I'm at work to smiling when we see each other and I know I do the same thing. It's just an odd situation to me because she didn't bring up the boyfriend til a little after we started talking and she almost seemed reluctant to say it the first time she did. I don't know, maybe I'm looking into it too much.

I'm not trying to dismiss the dude, but you never know. Some things last. Some things don't. Even if nothing ever happens, having a really good friend that you can game with without a problem, I can honestly say is one of the greatest things.

 

[edgecrusher]

I'm not trying to dismiss the dude, but you never know. Some things last. Some things don't. Even if nothing ever happens, having a really good friend that you can game with without a problem, I can honestly say is one of the greatest things.

Haha, both my best friend and ex(who is also a best friend) basically said the same thing. I don't wish for her to be in a bad situation but I secretly hope that's the case. We've only been legitimately talking for like a week as friends and the conversation has gotten pretty personal at times. If romance and dating comes up I figure I have nothing to really lose by telling her that I was disappointed to hear that she isn't single. She doesn't seem like the type that would care if I said that. We shall see I guess.

 

[ardour]

No, I'm not. I was perfectly fine with myself before him. If I am single tomorrow, I'd give the same advice as I did today. I'm honestly, legitimately, scratching my head over this. Is anyone else thinking the same as Ardour? Because my relationship has nothing to do with what my advice is. When I was single 5 years ago, I was saying the very same thing. There are a few people who have known me long enough to testify to the fact that I've said that life doesn't owe us anything before I was with my guy.

Maybe forget the fact I'm with someone when reading my posts. Because, really, I have no clue where that even ties in with what I said. Single or not, life doesn't owe me anything.

What’s difficult to understand is this ‘tough’ act you put on. If I read that correctly you would be just as happy without him, which implies little if any emotional attachment. He would probably be quite insulted hearing that.

Life doesn't owe us food or shelter either, so why don't you go tell that to the homeless.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Haha, both my best friend and ex(who is also a best friend) basically said the same thing. I don't wish for her to be in a bad situation but I secretly hope that's the case. We've only been legitimately talking for like a week as friends and the conversation has gotten pretty personal at times. If romance and dating comes up I figure I have nothing to really lose by telling her that I was disappointed to hear that she isn't single. She doesn't seem like the type that would care if I said that. We shall see I guess.

Oh, no, Edge, come on. Don't hope she's in a bad situation, secretly or not. I know you enough to know that you'd want her to be happy with anyone. Remain her good friend. Good things come to those who wait.

What’s difficult to understand is this ‘tough’ act you put on. If I read that correctly you would be just as happy without him, which implies little if any emotional attachment. He would probably be quite insulted hearing that.

It was clear what I meant so I don’t think there’s any point arguing further.

Life doesn't owe us food or shelter either, so why don't you go tell that to the homeless, I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

I'm not being tough. If you're upset about something, you're being upset at the wrong person. He knows exactly how I feel about him. I'm not the type of woman who depends on a man, and I never will be. He's not insulted to know that. So if you want to be upset, fine, but don't take it out on me. It's not your relationship, so you don't need to worry about it.

Way to take some simple advice and blow it way out of proportion, dude.

 

[ardour]

Is personal growth not something to be valued? I may have picked you up incorrectly, it just came across that way in what I read.

Not if it means you can't enjoy life, by taking on activities because you feel you ought to, not because they make you happy. Repressed people do that, or those used to being held to high standards probably having had pushy parents - they don't know how to have fun and I feel sorry for them. If you genuinely enjoy learning Latin, creative writing or competitive cooking, good for you. But doing it because "this is what I should be doing" lacks imagination and is fundamentally boring.

 

[ardour]

I'm not the type of woman who depends on a man, and I never will be. He's not insulted to know that.

It wasn't only about depending on someone; you said you were just as *happy* without him. That doesn't make sense - why not stay single - along with being quite insulting towards him. I wouldn't want someone that indifferent.

 

[edgecrusher]

Oh, no, Edge, come on. Don't hope she's in a bad situation, secretly or not. I know you enough to know that you'd want her to be happy with anyone. Remain her good friend. Good things come to those who wait.

Oops lol. I didn't mean for it to sound like I want something bad to happen to her. That's the last thing I would want. I was referring to when you said some things don't last. And I agree that good things come to those who wait. Sometimes I just feel like I have been waiting for so long.