jales said:
I am a stay at home mom. And there can be a loneliness to it. Yes it is true that I am never actually alone but during the day it can be boring and quiet. I have tried to go to mom's meets ups and coffee morning things but something is wrong with me:
I am boring, I have nothing to stay, I'm not funny and sometimes it feels like other moms don't like me and I dont even know why. I just dont fit it. I dont know why. I try to accept everyone but I think because I dont have a strong or interesting personality, or maybe because I dont dress well or something I am not accepted or ever invited anywhere and it is huge effort to make friends with very little outcome.
I dont think everyone else has it this hard to make mommy friends but I cant be sure as I havent lived anyone else's life.
Are there any other moms or housewives in the same situation..
Does anyone in general have any ideas on what I could do about this?
Hi there,
Yes!!! I have with mine, although they are much older now. It can be massively lonely. There is nothing wrong with you at all. It is amazing how many parents feel like this.
I think having kids is a bit like starting high school again. You are thrown into situations with your kids and having to interact with other people. Like clinics, playgroups, and don't even start me on school yards, even the park and play centres. Unfortunately with this comes all the people as an adult you don 't bother with normally. The people who look down their noses, the competitive ones, the nosey ones, the bullies. So that can make these situations intimidating as well.
I have had a Mother in a clinic express her disbelief that I gave my child the MMR vaccine. According to her, it was a must to pay private and have the individual vaccines. I have experienced the cliques at playgroups. Sometimes I think the cliques have been forged out of a few people being so insecure they have latched onto each other and don't actually like each other much, but are too scared to do things on their own, I have seen it loads and they start bitching behind each others backs. Amazing what you over hear when on your own at a playgroup lol. Then their are the families, who have each other. Sometimes people don't like change and don't accept or allow others. All I can say to that is you are better off not spending your time worrying about them.
If I can give any advice it would be going to as many different things as you can, without tiring yourself lol, and just focus on enjoying that play time with your little ones or sitting having a brew while they explore. While there look for a new face, someone who looks terrified at the same things, I promise there are more than you think. Give them a friendly smile. You might see that Mum with the newborn in one arm and a demanding toddler in the other looking bedraggled, offer to hold the baby while she sees to the toddler, it starts a conversation and she might be so relieved. Just be yourself.
I never made any real friends at that time of my life, just acquintances that I would be able to chat to when I went, but also I didn't want anyone coming close either. Occasionaly I would pluck up the courage and ask one of them if they fancied meeting up at play centre on another day. I found it easier once they started full time school. You get chatting in the schoolyard. You get to know them bit by bit. I now have a few friends that I know I count on and vice versa.
An idea I toyed with, but didn't have the guts to do, was create your own group, maybe in a area with few things going on if you can travel. Or create a group with a different theme? Like a craft or baking.
Anyway sorry for the waffle, but I understand how you feel. I hope it might be of some help.
Take care.
