Anyone here over 30/40ish to chat with?

[one lonely guy]

Thank you for all the kind and understanding thoughts Naleena.

I cared a lot about someone who commited suicide and for the longest time I kept thinking that if I had done this or that, maybe he would still be here. Maybe I could have helped him in some way. The fact that we weren't talking at the time didn't help things. He was a good man who gave up to soon. People who commit suicide are so overwhelmed with pain that they can't see thier way out of it. They lack the support they need to get through the crisis.

That's somewhat the way it was for my brother, though he put himself in a position where help couldn't be provided. Loooong story (not fit to recount here).
A friend who did the same last fall had different circumstances. All available help, support and resources were provided, but she succumbed to severely distorted irrational thinking. It's good to believe support, understanding and reasoning always work, but when severe mental health problems get in the way, it's not always the case.

I have also dreamed of him. I dreamed I was lying in bed and there were angels around me...

My late mother had very similar experiences wrt to my father who passed away earlier, but claimed to her dying day they weren't dreams. I'm not sure - I guess I'm too rational to judge.

You mentioned that your family and friends disconnected from you when your mother passed away. It is not uncommon for this to happen when someone dies or when someone becomes sick with a terminal or serious illness. People don't know what to say or what to do and so they stay away.

The disconnects were permanent. Friends-wise I now know almost nobody I knew prior to the family deaths. What little family I have semi-locally has completely isolated from me. Though I've finally given it up after years of trying to reconnects, it's bitterly disappointing. Letting go is extremely difficult, esp. when one had good times with them in the past.

What do you tell someone who has lost three people in thier lives?

While the question is rhetorical, an "I'm sorry" and a hug has always worked. Vanishing, esp. by 'friends' is a slap in the face. I have never done that to a friend, nor ever would. I just wasn't worth the inconvenience. [/bitterness]

I doubt they knew what it was you needed at that time.

They lost parents too, and I was there for them.

I am glad to hear that you are doing ok considering all that you have gone through.

Ok-ish at best (on good days).
I'm a survivor (like my mom was) and it would be a discredit to her to ever pull the plug.

I hope one day that you find someone to care for you and who will be there for you. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Thanks Naleena. Hope springs eternal.
olg

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Will...I actaully started playing my guitar again. Something I've always love doing.
I start playing a guitar since i was 8 years old.
I learned a couple of new songs. I'm grateful I can do this again.
I damaged my fretboard hand a year ago..it gose numb after 10-15 mins of playing.
I havn't tried to do all those crazy sweeping tech..that damaged my hand.
I also got on the drum set and played it for a little while.

I thought of Jenni today...I miss her sometimes still.
Sometimes I feel if thou she's watching over me...IDK.
I try not to reasons it out anymore.

Other times...her death reminds me that life is precious.
No matter how bad i feel, I'm still alive.
Accepting her death had been one of the hardest thing I had to do in my life. She was the closest person
in my life. She knows everything about me... all of my secrets, hopes and dreams.
She was the only friend i had for the longest time. She love me as me. I love her so much.
I thought getting clean and sober was the hardest thing i had to do....man was i wrong.
Getting clean and sober...I had a chioce. i had a say so.
Jenni's death....there wasn't anything i could have done. I had no chioce or a say in her death.
There's no making it right....there's only acceptence.
I still struggle with letting her go and being able to move on with my life and never forgetting about her.
Sometimes..I feel I can accept whatever life throws at me now...tho I wish for not anymore hardship.

 

[one lonely guy]

Accepting her death had been one of the hardest thing I had to do in my life. She was the closest person
in my life. She knows everything about me... all of my secrets, hopes and dreams.
She was the only friend i had for the longest time. She love me as me. I love her so much.

I feel your pain, heartache, love and memory.
That hasn't happened with a friend or relationship that was as close, but it has within our family. I think we honor those who were that close to us by continuing to move forward bravely, hard as many days are.
I appreciate the sharing -- olg

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My mom especifically asked me the other day if i wanted to go
visit Thailand the other day. She knows I havn't been feeling
too well with all that's happened. She thinks maybe I might be
able to find sometype of healing if I return to the homeland.
Perhaps I might find sometype of answer or understand my life
better. She knew I loved Jenni every much.

She probably wants me to marry a thai girl and forget about
all my troubles and live happily every after...you know how
moms are...
We have some rental properties and privite properties in thailand.
Bascailly i don't have to work again if I move back. i just need to
collect rent money for a living.lol....
I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.
I know i need to take care of my parents though...

 

[johnjohn]

While I do love exchanging ideas with everyone here in their teens and twenties, I'm looking to get in touch with some in the over-30/40ish crowd to discuss issues that may be more relevant in our lives.

There's loneliness due to family deaths, loss of spouse, divorce/relationship breakup, family estrangement, and senior isolation, very few of which seem to be covered in the threads I've noticed.

Post here, or feel free to email/PM.
It would be nice to know we're not completely alone.
olg

(PS The big ones for me are family deaths - zero family here - and estrangement from the few remaining extended relatives.)

Hello Lonely Guy,

Well I have just pushed the average age of the users here up quite a few years!!!!! I am in my fifties and have experienced the whole spectrum of lifes ups and downs. Been divorced, both parents died some time ago, my first wife died last year, way too young, and last year my current wife decided she doesn't love me any more and so we have separated. I suppose I am experiencing the worst feeling of loneliness in my life and sometimes it is bloody hard, mood swings like you wouldn't believe. All in all I am a very positive minded person and always willing to help others and I do not like feeling like this. You can have friends but when you close the door at night? ANyway my reason for joining this site is not to be all maudling! Rather see it as a sharing of experiences of life and to help each other through hard times by having a positive attitude to what the future holds for us. Nice to meet you and anytime you want to chat to an old git you know where to come!!