user 190701
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2023
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 28
Hi everyone, this will probably be long, but I wanted to introduce myself and tell you what brought me here on a lonely Friday night.
I'm 35, live in the US, and have always had major anxiety, but I've dealt with it the best I can. About 6-7 years ago, my mom got really sick. I slowly but surely became her caregiver as her condition worsened. As she got worse, it took up more and more of my time until I got to the point where that's literally all I did - work and take care of/hang out with her. I work from home. I had no time to socialize and I was at an age where all my local friends were getting married/starting families, so we drifted apart, and I eventually found I didn't really have anyone beyond a few extended family members. My mom died last summer, and within two weeks of her death, several extended family members started coming after me to buy her house. I didn't want to sell it, and that made them all mad. Some have since apologized, some have not, but all of those relationships are broken, which left me feeling even more lonely and isolated. After that, I'd keep myself busy with work, taking some classes, and hobbies. I live in a suburban area and there is really not a big single 30-40-50-something crowd. Plus, my self-confidence has been pretty low lately, and I'm an introvert, so just getting out and meeting people for the sake of meeting people isn't my thing.
Earlier this year, an old college friend (who lives out of state) and I started chatting again, and she could tell I was not in the greatest place, so she suggested we go on a trip together. She picked a place she knew I've always wanted to visit, and we went in late March/early April for two weeks. I don't know why, but I was terrified to go. After a few days, however, I found I was really enjoying myself. I was meeting people and socializing and just living a normal life for the first time in years. While I was there, I met a local guy through one of the activities we did, and I really enjoyed his company. He wasn't physically attractive to me and is 15 years older than me, but I just had a great time hanging out with him. He was really the first person that truly made me happy to be around since before my mom got sick. Coming back home was tough, but I did enjoy that glimpse of what my life could be, and I immediately (literally a day after I got home) bought a plane ticket to go back later this summer. I've even talked to a real estate agent about buying a house there and will do some research while I'm there next time. There is nothing for me in my hometown anymore with my mom gone, so a fresh start sounds amazing.
Long story a little bit shorter, I came home and started re-evaluating my life and making changes, mostly losing weight/getting healthy to work on my confidence and saving money. I decided I would take three months and just cut everything else out and work on myself. I also took a chance and texted the older guy, and we've become pretty good friends. We've made all sorts of plans to hang out when I come back. He's not someone I ever thought I'd be attracted to, but there's just something really special about him, and I am looking forward to seeing him again. It took me a while to realize I really liked him and would not be upset if we were more than friends eventually. I was really looking forward to getting to know him better.
First, the self-improvement thing is going really well. But it's also made me even lonelier than I was before. Like I said, I cut out all the distractions in my life and I'm literally focused on that every day, but those distractions were also keeping me from feeling so alone. Second, the guy told me last week that he's started dating someone, and that just broke my heart. I realize it's a new relationship and could go in any direction, but I'm trying not to talk to him as much now because I don't want to bother him because I'm sure he's enjoying time with this new girl. We still have our plans, but for all I know she'll be coming too now.
So, now I just find myself kind of miserable. I'm happy with what I'm doing and I'm excited about my upcoming trip (in 72 days!), but find that every day around 6 p.m. or so (after I've worked and exercised), I just get so depressed. I have no one to talk to. I was optimistic about the guy, but now I have no idea what will happen with that and I can drive myself crazy trying to guess. I miss my mom. My anxiety is so bad right now I can't really concentrate on anything like a book or TV show. I used to kind of fight this feeling with food, but since I'm trying to get healthier, I've quit doing that. I literally just get to a point where I want to get in bed and cry until I fall asleep, and it gets earlier and earlier every night. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel - my upcoming travel plans - but I just need to find something to do in the meantime to keep my mind occupied (especially now that I know that the guy is dating someone), so I thought maybe I could find some like-minded people to talk to here.
I'm 35, live in the US, and have always had major anxiety, but I've dealt with it the best I can. About 6-7 years ago, my mom got really sick. I slowly but surely became her caregiver as her condition worsened. As she got worse, it took up more and more of my time until I got to the point where that's literally all I did - work and take care of/hang out with her. I work from home. I had no time to socialize and I was at an age where all my local friends were getting married/starting families, so we drifted apart, and I eventually found I didn't really have anyone beyond a few extended family members. My mom died last summer, and within two weeks of her death, several extended family members started coming after me to buy her house. I didn't want to sell it, and that made them all mad. Some have since apologized, some have not, but all of those relationships are broken, which left me feeling even more lonely and isolated. After that, I'd keep myself busy with work, taking some classes, and hobbies. I live in a suburban area and there is really not a big single 30-40-50-something crowd. Plus, my self-confidence has been pretty low lately, and I'm an introvert, so just getting out and meeting people for the sake of meeting people isn't my thing.
Earlier this year, an old college friend (who lives out of state) and I started chatting again, and she could tell I was not in the greatest place, so she suggested we go on a trip together. She picked a place she knew I've always wanted to visit, and we went in late March/early April for two weeks. I don't know why, but I was terrified to go. After a few days, however, I found I was really enjoying myself. I was meeting people and socializing and just living a normal life for the first time in years. While I was there, I met a local guy through one of the activities we did, and I really enjoyed his company. He wasn't physically attractive to me and is 15 years older than me, but I just had a great time hanging out with him. He was really the first person that truly made me happy to be around since before my mom got sick. Coming back home was tough, but I did enjoy that glimpse of what my life could be, and I immediately (literally a day after I got home) bought a plane ticket to go back later this summer. I've even talked to a real estate agent about buying a house there and will do some research while I'm there next time. There is nothing for me in my hometown anymore with my mom gone, so a fresh start sounds amazing.
Long story a little bit shorter, I came home and started re-evaluating my life and making changes, mostly losing weight/getting healthy to work on my confidence and saving money. I decided I would take three months and just cut everything else out and work on myself. I also took a chance and texted the older guy, and we've become pretty good friends. We've made all sorts of plans to hang out when I come back. He's not someone I ever thought I'd be attracted to, but there's just something really special about him, and I am looking forward to seeing him again. It took me a while to realize I really liked him and would not be upset if we were more than friends eventually. I was really looking forward to getting to know him better.
First, the self-improvement thing is going really well. But it's also made me even lonelier than I was before. Like I said, I cut out all the distractions in my life and I'm literally focused on that every day, but those distractions were also keeping me from feeling so alone. Second, the guy told me last week that he's started dating someone, and that just broke my heart. I realize it's a new relationship and could go in any direction, but I'm trying not to talk to him as much now because I don't want to bother him because I'm sure he's enjoying time with this new girl. We still have our plans, but for all I know she'll be coming too now.
So, now I just find myself kind of miserable. I'm happy with what I'm doing and I'm excited about my upcoming trip (in 72 days!), but find that every day around 6 p.m. or so (after I've worked and exercised), I just get so depressed. I have no one to talk to. I was optimistic about the guy, but now I have no idea what will happen with that and I can drive myself crazy trying to guess. I miss my mom. My anxiety is so bad right now I can't really concentrate on anything like a book or TV show. I used to kind of fight this feeling with food, but since I'm trying to get healthier, I've quit doing that. I literally just get to a point where I want to get in bed and cry until I fall asleep, and it gets earlier and earlier every night. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel - my upcoming travel plans - but I just need to find something to do in the meantime to keep my mind occupied (especially now that I know that the guy is dating someone), so I thought maybe I could find some like-minded people to talk to here.
it's soul destroying when they start dating someone else
