A significant number of us loners seem to be prone to self-comfort and the good old "I'm not the only one, there are so many of them like me out there. It's a normal thing these days." is usually the first on the list.
But is that how it really is? Are there really so many people out there doing the same?
Lately it seems like not a day goes by that at least once I don't read or hear about how the new society is generating an increasing number of people (especially young people) that are getting sucked into the closed circle of failing social skills and more and more frustration. How the technology has estranged us from one another. How the capitalistic gore has left room for nothing but fear and rage.
I want to believe this. But I walk down the street and I don see it. I browse through online communities and I don't read it. I talk to people and I don't hear it. I'm working so hard to convince myself that everything I've been told and have eventually grown to believe is true, but I don't feel it.
Everywhere I look they've been going out since before they even hit puberty. They could always pick who to hang out with today.
They've had their first relationship before 18. Most of them have had their first kiss before 15. I don't even want to start about other intimacies.
I don't have any friends and I'm not ashamed of it. The more I think about it lately, the more proud I actually am about it.
But it wasn't always like that. I used to have a lot of friends. Maybe I didn't call them that for one reason or another, but it did feel like they would call me that if asked.
Whoever I talked to at the time had absolutely no idea what I was talking about when even just a fraction of my daily feelings pack happened to surface. When I really opened up, 98 % of them (even some who I thought I had a thing or two in common with) first looked at me in shock and disbelief. Then in blame. Needless to say, none of them could even imagine not having sex before say 20, much less not kiss a girl.
Every forum I turned to in the past (dometic Croatian forums and international forums alike) took less then three posts to stamp a label of "weird" on my forehead. But usually it was "sick" (my favorite). You have real problems, kid, go to therapy, you're the only one with issues, give us a break will ya, and so on.
Yes, it could all just be a bunch of your usual forum heroes and know-alls. No doubt some of them fall into that category.
But then why is RL no different? Why have I been told virtually the same things from real people all my life? Sometimes even face to face?
Are we only kidding ourselves here? Is it just easier to believe that we're not just an irrelevant minotry vote in the world?
Is it just too hard to accept that we're so exceptional, and not in a positive way?
Why do so many of us have such a hard time believing that a group of five in a park might actually be happy? That they aren't just "kidding themselves"?
Or a couple holding hands? Even the in crowd at school? Even the least among the interest marriages?
Yes, most of us will rather be like this forever than comply to a single one of their rules of engagement. I'm the first to admit it.
But why is it so hard to believe there might actually be some truth in having a full phone book or 300 Facebook friends? Is their laughter really never a candid expression of joy?
I try really hard to convince myself otherwise. But lately I really need convincing. Something like I'm just a member of some new first-generation movement on the rise and I don't know it yet. That maybe I'm just going through a phase in my life. Maybe it's all a conspiracy.
But I have yet to hear a line that can make up for the images in the tram, on the bus, in a coffee shop, in a park.
Is it time for us to come to terms with some things that those we have damned in the past have been telling us all along? Were they just calling a spade a spade?
Just putting down thoughts as they come, sorry. I hardly ever write here, as you can see, but this is something I believe well worth discussing. Sorry for the long rant though.
But is that how it really is? Are there really so many people out there doing the same?
Lately it seems like not a day goes by that at least once I don't read or hear about how the new society is generating an increasing number of people (especially young people) that are getting sucked into the closed circle of failing social skills and more and more frustration. How the technology has estranged us from one another. How the capitalistic gore has left room for nothing but fear and rage.
I want to believe this. But I walk down the street and I don see it. I browse through online communities and I don't read it. I talk to people and I don't hear it. I'm working so hard to convince myself that everything I've been told and have eventually grown to believe is true, but I don't feel it.
Everywhere I look they've been going out since before they even hit puberty. They could always pick who to hang out with today.
They've had their first relationship before 18. Most of them have had their first kiss before 15. I don't even want to start about other intimacies.
I don't have any friends and I'm not ashamed of it. The more I think about it lately, the more proud I actually am about it.
But it wasn't always like that. I used to have a lot of friends. Maybe I didn't call them that for one reason or another, but it did feel like they would call me that if asked.
Whoever I talked to at the time had absolutely no idea what I was talking about when even just a fraction of my daily feelings pack happened to surface. When I really opened up, 98 % of them (even some who I thought I had a thing or two in common with) first looked at me in shock and disbelief. Then in blame. Needless to say, none of them could even imagine not having sex before say 20, much less not kiss a girl.
Every forum I turned to in the past (dometic Croatian forums and international forums alike) took less then three posts to stamp a label of "weird" on my forehead. But usually it was "sick" (my favorite). You have real problems, kid, go to therapy, you're the only one with issues, give us a break will ya, and so on.
Yes, it could all just be a bunch of your usual forum heroes and know-alls. No doubt some of them fall into that category.
But then why is RL no different? Why have I been told virtually the same things from real people all my life? Sometimes even face to face?
Are we only kidding ourselves here? Is it just easier to believe that we're not just an irrelevant minotry vote in the world?
Is it just too hard to accept that we're so exceptional, and not in a positive way?
Why do so many of us have such a hard time believing that a group of five in a park might actually be happy? That they aren't just "kidding themselves"?
Or a couple holding hands? Even the in crowd at school? Even the least among the interest marriages?
Yes, most of us will rather be like this forever than comply to a single one of their rules of engagement. I'm the first to admit it.
But why is it so hard to believe there might actually be some truth in having a full phone book or 300 Facebook friends? Is their laughter really never a candid expression of joy?
I try really hard to convince myself otherwise. But lately I really need convincing. Something like I'm just a member of some new first-generation movement on the rise and I don't know it yet. That maybe I'm just going through a phase in my life. Maybe it's all a conspiracy.
But I have yet to hear a line that can make up for the images in the tram, on the bus, in a coffee shop, in a park.
Is it time for us to come to terms with some things that those we have damned in the past have been telling us all along? Were they just calling a spade a spade?
Just putting down thoughts as they come, sorry. I hardly ever write here, as you can see, but this is something I believe well worth discussing. Sorry for the long rant though.
