D
Despair
Guest
Not really sure if this is the best forum for this. Its more of a personal problem then a social one, but on some occasions it can become quite involving to others.
I have this terrible habit of assuming the worst and worrying about every little thing. It tends to happen when people do not do exactly what they say or when I'm expecting to hear from someone and I don't.
It starts small. I just try to get through my day and be positive, but it begins to eat away at me and by the end of the day I find myself anticipating the worst possible scenarios.
Logically, I know that it's foolish and that I'm most likely blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't matter: regardless of what I know in my mind I still find myself feeling this way and then my mind runs away with me.
Worry can be a good thing sometimes. For instance, a general who is defending a fort on a hill must try to anticipate every possible course of action the enemy army will use to take it, and station traps and soldiers to prepare for it. In chess it is often a good idea to analyze the potential moves the opponent could make and where it will most likely need.
But for the most part worry and assuming the worst do nothing more then occupy my time with negative thoughts and feelings making those I care about uncomfortable or annoyed, especially if I tell them.
I want to think positive. I value that I care for the ones close to me, but I wish I could stop getting so worked up all the time.
Tonight was such a night for me. The night before I had been drunk when someone IMed me. Once they knew I was drunk I was told there were things they wanted to talk to me about, but felt it was a bad time to do so. This would seem to imply that it was something I would not like, and if hearing it while drunk could blow it way out of proportion.
Well this was fine. I feel asleep in a few hours and went through the day without giving it much thought. They were not online all day and could not be reached. By the time it was later at night it was clear I would not be hearing from them.
That evening I started to worry, and when it got late and I heard nothing at the usual time we talk I started assuming the worst. Now it is 4:39 am and I've imagined many of the disturbing things they might have to say. So instead of possibly feeling bad when I do find out if something is up, I have already made myself feel 10 times worse and cheated myself out of what might have been a good evening.
This is especially difficult and frustrating for me, because, at the moment I am attempting to explore the so called "law of attraction." The idea is to visualize and maintain positive feelings. It's kind of like putting on your bathing suit and walking about town until someone invites you into their swimming pool, but if on the other hand all I do is stay inside and feel sad because I don't have a pool I am sure to get more of the same results. Like attracts like and that sort of thing.
The point is positive thinking and imagining is more pleasurable and harmless even if it doesn't get me anything, but the scary part is that by constantly thinking and feeling negatively with worry and assuming the worst, I could find that the law is working against me and making this state of mind a reality.
Philosophy aside, I am simply tired of falling to pieces over nothing and annoying the people I am close to with paranoid delusions. I wish I could stop, but I can't seem to help myself. Every time I try to get away and do something the thoughts and feelings find a way to creep back in.
So here I am stating that I can't seem to help myself, looking for helpful wisdom from others, yet knowing that most likely anything anyone has to say will be sound and logical and I will agree with it in my mind, but it still won't change how I feel or stop my mind from wandering. Since that is likely the case I apologize for wasting your time.
Maybe writing this post and accepting this inevitable masochism will somehow make it more bearable in the days to come.
I have this terrible habit of assuming the worst and worrying about every little thing. It tends to happen when people do not do exactly what they say or when I'm expecting to hear from someone and I don't.
It starts small. I just try to get through my day and be positive, but it begins to eat away at me and by the end of the day I find myself anticipating the worst possible scenarios.
Logically, I know that it's foolish and that I'm most likely blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't matter: regardless of what I know in my mind I still find myself feeling this way and then my mind runs away with me.
Worry can be a good thing sometimes. For instance, a general who is defending a fort on a hill must try to anticipate every possible course of action the enemy army will use to take it, and station traps and soldiers to prepare for it. In chess it is often a good idea to analyze the potential moves the opponent could make and where it will most likely need.
But for the most part worry and assuming the worst do nothing more then occupy my time with negative thoughts and feelings making those I care about uncomfortable or annoyed, especially if I tell them.
I want to think positive. I value that I care for the ones close to me, but I wish I could stop getting so worked up all the time.
Tonight was such a night for me. The night before I had been drunk when someone IMed me. Once they knew I was drunk I was told there were things they wanted to talk to me about, but felt it was a bad time to do so. This would seem to imply that it was something I would not like, and if hearing it while drunk could blow it way out of proportion.
Well this was fine. I feel asleep in a few hours and went through the day without giving it much thought. They were not online all day and could not be reached. By the time it was later at night it was clear I would not be hearing from them.
That evening I started to worry, and when it got late and I heard nothing at the usual time we talk I started assuming the worst. Now it is 4:39 am and I've imagined many of the disturbing things they might have to say. So instead of possibly feeling bad when I do find out if something is up, I have already made myself feel 10 times worse and cheated myself out of what might have been a good evening.
This is especially difficult and frustrating for me, because, at the moment I am attempting to explore the so called "law of attraction." The idea is to visualize and maintain positive feelings. It's kind of like putting on your bathing suit and walking about town until someone invites you into their swimming pool, but if on the other hand all I do is stay inside and feel sad because I don't have a pool I am sure to get more of the same results. Like attracts like and that sort of thing.
The point is positive thinking and imagining is more pleasurable and harmless even if it doesn't get me anything, but the scary part is that by constantly thinking and feeling negatively with worry and assuming the worst, I could find that the law is working against me and making this state of mind a reality.
Philosophy aside, I am simply tired of falling to pieces over nothing and annoying the people I am close to with paranoid delusions. I wish I could stop, but I can't seem to help myself. Every time I try to get away and do something the thoughts and feelings find a way to creep back in.
So here I am stating that I can't seem to help myself, looking for helpful wisdom from others, yet knowing that most likely anything anyone has to say will be sound and logical and I will agree with it in my mind, but it still won't change how I feel or stop my mind from wandering. Since that is likely the case I apologize for wasting your time.
Maybe writing this post and accepting this inevitable masochism will somehow make it more bearable in the days to come.
