Avoiding Social Gatherings

[mr p]

Hi people!
I have a problem, which is that I tend to avoid social gatherings like birthdays, parties, going out to clubs and bars. I even avoid the casual friday coffee at work! I feel this is a bit limiting. I never get psyched up about social gatherings, is this common? And why am I like this? Anything I can fix? I'm pretty capable in social interactions otherwise. :club:
Thanks

 

[Cereal]

Sounds like a form of social anxiety, have you had bad experiences at big gatherings before? This might be why you're avoiding them and anything related to them now. If you're capable in social interactions and just not social gatherings I suggest you start off with the friday coffee at work and work your way up - just go for it! Who knows you might actual like it.

 

[nerdygirl]

I've been trying to talk myself into attending a local thing coming up. I'm pretty nervous because I won't know any of the people there at all. It's quite possible that I will simply go and hope that I meet somebody cool. Sometimes, the only solution is to take the plunge.

 

[grainofrice24]

I've been trying to talk myself into attending a local thing coming up. I'm pretty nervous because I won't know any of the people there at all. It's quite possible that I will simply go and hope that I meet somebody cool. Sometimes, the only solution is to take the plunge.

Agreed, Do something and something will happen, do nothing and nothing will happen. But still I sometimes feel like going out to social gatherings doesn't provide me with the joy that it seems to provide to others...I try to tough it out though

 

[Minus]

I would avoid all those things. Avoid them enough and i would no longer be asked because it was already known that i wouldn't show up. It just ended up isolating me even more.

As has already been mentioned, you could try attending starting with the most simple, the coffee.
When i started going to the coffee gatherings, after a few times i started to really enjoy them. Some things like the bars, just don't interest me so i still don't go to them. You could try starting with the most basic and then decide just how much you want to do. Nothing says that you have to attend everything.

 

[Lost Soul]

Hi people!
I have a problem, which is that I tend to avoid social gatherings like birthdays, parties, going out to clubs and bars. I even avoid the casual friday coffee at work! I feel this is a bit limiting. I never get psyched up about social gatherings, is this common? And why am I like this? Anything I can fix? I'm pretty capable in social interactions otherwise. :club:
Thanks

Same here, if my folks invite people over I stay in my room or hide.

 

[Nina]

I think some folks are just more geared to be one-on-one socializer. I go crazy when I am in a situation where a lot of folks are all talking at once or to me at one time. I don't feel like I can pay any one person the proper attention. Clubs are fun for dancing but shouting over the music, in order to have a conversation, gives me a sore throat... I like small groups sitting around all cozy or the best is, one-on-one chats where the conversation can go into a really deep and maeningful mode.

 

[mr p]

Thanks for all the replies, guys!
I haven't had any bad experiences with big gatherings or anything like that, I just feel like it won't give me anything; that it's just a waste of time. But now and then I accidentally end up in social situations like those and I find them quite bearable, but I much prefer one-on-ones. I guess I'm a one-on-one kind of guy? Haha.
So I guess I have to take 'the plunge' more when there's something social about to happen and not just whimper out like I do most of the time. Why am I so hesitant to gatherings? They usually work out in a positive fashion!
Maybe I'm too lazy to leave the computer on a saturday night? Can it be laziness? Maybe a bit too set in my old tracks (I'm a computer programmer)?
Maybe I'm worrying about having nothing to say. Maybe I think it'll be a bore.
I'm going to a party in an hour, though I'd rather sit home with my computer. Yay, I'm taking the plunge! Let's see how it goes.
I wish I could identify this feeling.

 

[edgecrusher]

i dont know how common it is but im the same way for the most part. im never excited about social gatherings either. i dont ever go to bars, clubs, or parties. if its a socail gathering with one or only a few people that i know im more likely to go. but im the same way, i always feel anxious about social gatherings regardless of the situation.

 

[Nina]

Mr P--
I hope you have fun! Congrats on the "plunge"

Edge--
I think you're another One-on-One, sort of guy too! Not a bad trait at all. I think the one-on-one folks run deeper!

 

[Lost Soul]

I'm only one on one, if more the one person if with me, I feel left out and it's too uncomfortable for me.

 

[Lost Soul]

I'm only one on one, if more the one person if with me, I feel left out and it's too uncomfortable for me.

 

[edgecrusher]

Mr P--
I hope you have fun! Congrats on the "plunge"

Edge--
I think you're another One-on-One, sort of guy too! Not a bad trait at all. I think the one-on-one folks run deeper!

 

[Pair-O-Dox]

I'm on the exact same page as you Mr P. I try my best to avoid all gatherings. I feel like they're more of a chore than anything. I'm always looking for an excuse to leave and never actually enjoy myself while I'm there. This is a work in progress for me, so I can't really offer any advice. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone .

 

[ptersburg]

I was thinking of posting something "profound", and decided to nix it at the end. I'll just say that it's not to your discredit if you don't want to partake in parties,go to bars/clubs/etc., it's not a social blunder in reality. On the other hand, it's what you make of it. Enjoy, but in moderation.

 

[futurecatlady]

I'm only one on one, if more the one person if with me, I feel left out and it's too uncomfortable for me.

This is a problem for me too. If there is anyone else present, I automatically assume that I become the least interesting person in the room and the people I'm with will want to talk to each other instead of me. I shut down so I don't have to suffer the embarrassment of gradually getting phased out of the conversation. It's a reigning theory of my life that no one will want to spend time with me if they have other options.

mr p, I can't contribute much beyond what other people have already said but this: in the end, do what makes you happy. Don't make yourself go to social gatherings just because that's "what people do"; go only if you truly believe it will make you happier in the long run. Other people are fun, but if you prefer to spend time alone with your own thoughts, you may find that you lose a bit of that ability to ponder when you are constantly bombarded by input from everyone else. Best of luck.

 

[Oscillate_Wildly]

I had the chance to go out tonight, just to the pub for a few drinks for someone's leaving do. But I couldn't, I woke up really down this morning which didn't help(would have called into work sick if it wasn't such an ordeal to do so). I tried getting change to go out but just felt so empty inside then I started getting anxious about who else would be going and stuff. I guess after years of being miserable at social gatherings I've developed a defence mechanism so I'll never want to go to one.

 

[Jesse]

It sounds like you're somewhat apathetic towards social gatherings. I used to be more interested in playing computer games than going out with friends. You might have an addiction to the computer or internet. You'll have to decide what your time is best spent on.