Backstabbing

[isthatso]

Have you backstabbed? (hard thing to admit I know)

Have you ever been the victim? (almost everyone?)

I guess I'd have to reluctantly say "yes" to both.

I told someone at work something about a colleague that was nasty. "he can't be trusted". It was my feeling at the time. Well, wouldn't you know it. The person heard about it on the grapevine and confronted me on it. I tried to explain how the context was different and my feeling had changed since. No effect. Damage done. Reputation at work zero and getting lower.

And yes have been backstabbed several times. And "no" didn't confront them on it.

 

[perfanoff]

I've been betrayed before but having the feeling that someone is a backstabber doesn't make him so. If you can be wrong about someone being dependable, you can definitely be also wrong in your thinking they're a backstabber..

 

[isthatso]

^
Not sure you understand. I admitted that I was a backstabber ie. gossiped/ criticised a person behind their back...then they confronted me about it.

 

[perfanoff]

Ohhhhh sorry. It's late and my attention is slipping.
Yeah I definitely, as everyone else, say bad stuff about people but only to my closest friends.

 

[JustALonelyGuy]

Have you backstabbed? (hard thing to admit I know)

Have you ever been the victim? (almost everyone?)

I guess I'd have to reluctantly say "yes" to both.

I told someone at work something about a colleague that was nasty. "he can't be trusted". It was my feeling at the time. Well, wouldn't you know it. The person heard about it on the grapevine and confronted me on it. I tried to explain how the context was different and my feeling had changed since. No effect. Damage done. Reputation at work zero and getting lower.

And yes have been backstabbed several times. And "no" didn't confront them on it.

(What they do)
They smile in your face
all the time they wanna
take your place the
back stabbers (back stabbers)
They smile in your face
all the time they wanna
take your place the
back stabbers (back stabbers)

All you fellows
who have someone
and you really care
yeahhhhhhh, yeah, yeah
Then it's all of you fellows
who better beware, yeah, yeah
Somebody's out to get your lady
A few of your buddies
they sure look shady
Blades are long clenched
tight in their fist
Aimin' straight at your back
and I don't think they'll miss

(What they do!)

(They smile in your face)
All the time they want
to take your place
The back stabbers
(back stabbers)

I keep gettin'
all these visits
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net |]
from my friends, yeah,
(What they doing to me)
They come to my house
again and again and
again and again, yeah
So are they there to see my woman?
I don't even be home
but they just keep on comin'
What can I do to get
on the right track?
I wish they'd take some
of these knives off my back

(What they do)

(They smile in your face)
All the time they want
to take your place
The back stabbers
(back stabbers)

Low down... dirty...

(What they do!)

(They smile in your face)
Smiling faces
smiling faces sometimes
(Back stabbers)

(They smile in your face)
I don't need
low down, dirty bastards
(Back stabbers)

(repeat to fade)






















.







.

 

[Sigma]

Have I been backstabbed?
Many times, unsurprising.

Have I backstabbed?
If you can still call it that when it's expected, I had leverage over him and after he screwed me over anyway (for what reason I still don't know) I did the same.
Human nature in a nutshell.

I'd give you more details if they were relevant, or interesting.
But they are neither so yeah.

 

[JustALonelyGuy]

On that note. Shamefully I admit (cos I believe a real human being admits their wrongdoings) That I have backstabbed at some point or another in my life Its inherit in all of us I'm afraid until we 'know better'. The song above really emphasized it for me as how it must feel from a victim's POV with our words and actions bein like 'blades' in their back. Even if we are trying to protect others it will always come abck to damge us in some way. I am testament to that!

 

[isthatso]

On that note. Shamefully I admit (cos I believe a real human being admits their wrongdoings) That I have backstabbed at some point or another in my life Its inherit in all of us I'm afraid until we 'know better'. The song above really emphasized it for me as how it must feel from a victim's POV with our words and actions bein like 'blades' in their back. Even if we are trying to protect others it will always come abck to damge us in some way. I am testament to that!

I mean it's so hard to avoid. example...had a few beers, warmed up..someone asks you "so what do you think of Jerry?".......Now Jerry may have slighted you more than once...you interpreted it as a sarcastic, arrogant remarks..."well actually Jerry is a real pain in the butt if you ask me"
Or it can be down time at work...bored..need to spark up the conversation.."So how do you find Mavis?"....
Really the person who asks the leading question is just as much to blame...their attitide being 'well at least I didn't say anything bad'...yeah but you encouraged, initiated..

 

[Sigma]

On that note. Shamefully I admit (cos I believe a real human being admits their wrongdoings) That I have backstabbed at some point or another in my life Its inherit in all of us I'm afraid until we 'know better'. The song above really emphasized it for me as how it must feel from a victim's POV with our words and actions bein like 'blades' in their back. Even if we are trying to protect others it will always come abck to damge us in some way. I am testament to that!

I mean it's so hard to avoid. example...had a few beers, warmed up..someone asks you "so what do you think of Jerry?".......Now Jerry may have slighted you more than once...you interpreted it as a sarcastic, arrogant remarks..."well actually Jerry is a real pain in the butt if you ask me"
Or it can be down time at work...bored..need to spark up the conversation.."So how do you find Mavis?"....
Really the person who asks the leading question is just as much to blame...their attitide being 'well at least I didn't say anything bad'...yeah but you encouraged, initiated..

Saying something nasty about someone behind their back isn't what I would call backstabbing, it's what I would call gossip.
And God knows, people like to gossip <_<

 

[duff]

Have you backstabbed? (hard thing to admit I know)

Have you ever been the victim? (almost everyone?)

I guess I'd have to reluctantly say "yes" to both.

I told someone at work something about a colleague that was nasty. "he can't be trusted". It was my feeling at the time. Well, wouldn't you know it. The person heard about it on the grapevine and confronted me on it. I tried to explain how the context was different and my feeling had changed since. No effect. Damage done. Reputation at work zero and getting lower.

And yes have been backstabbed several times. And "no" didn't confront them on it.

this happens all the time. I hate it when an offhand comment comes back to haunt me. I think most people forget about it in a few weeks though.

It's best to say - 'don't tell anybody about this' before you say your opinion. Then it's not your fault if somebody backstabs you. Everybody gossips and they all complain about 'the others' who gossip.

 

[isthatso]

It's best to say - 'don't tell anybody about this' before you say your opinion. Then it's not your fault if somebody backstabs you. Everybody gossips and they all complain about 'the others' who gossip.

Good advice. Thanks.
In my job there is a lot of down time and temptation to gossip is high.
"loyalty'" I've found is a 2 edged sword. Yes you want to remain loyal to your "real" friends at work but sometimes that loyalty is severely tested when that person does something either a) annoying b) unethical c) unprofessional d) disrespectful. Yes the best way is confront that person about the issue. But often they are not ready to hear it and it would have the effect of starch on yuour relationship. ie. tighten right up. You think to yourself"is it really worth bringing this up with them?"...easier to complain to someone else to see if they feel the same.
OK no excuses I know.

 

[duff]

It's best to say - 'don't tell anybody about this' before you say your opinion. Then it's not your fault if somebody backstabs you. Everybody gossips and they all complain about 'the others' who gossip.

Good advice. Thanks.
In my job there is a lot of down time and temptation to gossip is high.
"loyalty'" I've found is a 2 edged sword. Yes you want to remain loyal to your "real" friends at work but sometimes that loyalty is severely tested when that person does something either a) annoying b) unethical c) unprofessional d) disrespectful. Yes the best way is confront that person about the issue. But often they are not ready to hear it and it would have the effect of starch on yuour relationship. ie. tighten right up. You think to yourself"is it really worth bringing this up with them?"...easier to complain to someone else to see if they feel the same.
OK no excuses I know.

i work in a small retail shop. Basically everybody calls everybody else. They stand around in little groups calling somebody who isn't there. Nobody says anything to a persons face, there are no arguments or confrontations. It's all done behind people's back. Yet these people complain about people who 'talk behind a person's back !' - the best bet is to keep out of it and that's what I mostly do. Alot of time the gossip is wrong because people tend to add little bits here and there to a story and by the third or fourth person the story is totally changed. Ive had some horrible moments when people have come up to me and said 'what's this you've been saying about me ?' - sometimes I admitt what I said and try and say why I said it, other times I deny it or say I was 'joking' - that's a good way to get out of a situation - say you were only joking !

I think most people can't take critism and they will lie thru their teeth to your face. Most people won't say 'sorry' to you. Most people are 'two faced' - they even slag their best friends off and when they see them a few minutes later they are as nice as pie to them !

 

[Lefty Lonely]

Jeez, I though working alone with no co-workers sucked, guess you can't win with them after all :-(

 

[isthatso]

I think most people can't take critism and they will lie thru their teeth to your face. Most people won't say 'sorry' to you. Most people are 'two faced' - they even slag their best friends off and when they see them a few minutes later they are as nice as pie to them !

So much for friendship and the real world. No wonder people take drugs!.
I can understand why people just want to start a business and work by themselves. If I had my life over again, I think that's what I would do. Learn a trade/skill and just freelance. Only work as hard as you have to, to survive. Focus on the job instead of the politics.

---

Jeez, I though working alone with no co-workers sucked, guess you can't win with them after all :-(

I envy your situation.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Yes to both.

Lots of people have backstabbed me many times. I've always on the other hand blunt if I don't like someone and therefore people may think wrongly of me. I've trusted so many people and noone was ever straight up with. Everyone seemed to put on a mask and I trusted the wrong people.

I may be blunt but I express how I feel. One thing I hate is when others waste another person's time and I hate wasting my time on people who have nothing but negative things to say about others. I observe and listen. And I heard people I trusted bash others who they barely knew. Overtime I got sick of hanging out with those people, cause the fact I wondered what they said about me behind my back. All I need a few true friends in my life. Cause you never know what other people may be like.

 

[isthatso]

I've always on the other hand blunt if I don't like someone and therefore people may think wrongly of me

Sounds to me like you are a person of integrity. But you aren't necessarily valued in society. Society values charm and "people skills" over integrity. And big brother survival shows on TV only reinforce the idea that you have to market yourself all the time in order to stay popular. Popular is what counts. Popular. Popular. Popular.

I can only encourage you to stay true to yourself. Keep doing what you are doing. In the long run integrity pays off though.(that's my belief anyway) Just doesn't seem that way on the journey of life.

 

[perfanoff]

That's what popular culture tells you.

I'm confident that I'm not the only one that is disgusted by Big Brother doesn't think it applies to real life.

There is nothing real in reality shows.

 

[isthatso]

By the way, this whole gossip theme has got me pondering even more. (oh no!)

It's OK to gossip I think. Just not the vindictive kind.
Gossip is like news. We watch the news on TV because we want to keep up with what's happening in the world.
So at least we are showing interest in other people by indulging in some gossip (friends/family/work). A real narcisstic type may take no interest in other people and not indulge in gossip. In fact may want to be the centre of gossip instead.
"come on..talk about me! Surely I'm the centre of your attention" they might think or say.

 

[perfanoff]

Agreed

 

[J.P.]

I don't think I have or have been backstabbed.

I know that I have hurt people without meaning it, people have done the same to me, and at least a friend hurt me because he thought I was his enemy when I was his friend. It's too hard to fix things when people stop listening and don't believe in you anymore.