Bad Humans are drawn to me

[LonelySutton]

I am not sure how this happened but when I was younger I felt like I had a universe of people that were good. They were interesting, kind, not users. Perhaps there were a few that were users. But lately... I look around and I feel lonely because the only people left from which to choose who I socialize with are horrible.

a. Users. I mean, they don't even try to hide it anymore. A "friend" has come down a few times to my office and said, we should go to lunch. Yet, she never coordinates that. But this week she comes down to an event. I say, we should go out later but she says no she doesn't have time. So she wants to go to an event and I am supposed to go to that with her.. but that is it. USER. I seriously have about 30 people who just use me.

b. People who don't want to use me are just horrible. I have a cousin I always thought was weird and strange but I was determined to attempt to be friendly with her. I recently went to lunch with her it was so horrible. One of the worst parts is that she comes from this place of bossiness and telling me what to do. I felt horrible after going to lunch with her and I thought, why am I doing it?

c. if you are not a user and not horrible... I am usually pretty happy, but sometimes I know people that are just so boring. I have someone who could be a good friend but she is obsessed with needlepoint and always talks about it, and I am sorry, it is extremely boring. Anther person who simply cannot refrain from talking about travel to the middle east (she thinks it is exotic) but after the 500th story, I get bored.

I feel lonely because my universe is so lacking these days. How do you find good solid interesting people? I can't find them.

 

[dd11]

It does get hard to sift and sort. But, all I can say is to keep trying. If you meet 10 people and 9 are users and one is a good, kind person, then you still have one new friend.

For me, I look at reciprocity. If the ONLY time you invite me to your house is to try to sell me something like candles or pampered chef, then No, not gonna bother. If the only time you engage me is to ask me to do something for you, like work the concession stand, etc, then no, not gonna bother with you.
However there are lots of forms of reciprocity. A friendly text, call, invitation to something fun, chatting it up over coffee, etc. I welcome that but don't welcome users.

 

[Veruca]

Negative people can never be avoided completely. We will always have a couple hanging about in our lives, and sometimes, its difficult to cut them out because we may be work colleagues with them or they may be a family member etc. What is important, I think, is to limit the time we spend with such people as much as possible. And be strong in not giving in to their whims.

As for bossy people, my very good friend is super bossy and patronizing, but I either ignore her (because I know her bossiness stems from insecurities) or I just tell her off with a "Dude, you're so bossy, stop it, you're making me want to choke you" and then I pretend to choke her and we laugh (but she gets it). If I wasn't close to a bossy person, I'd just ignore them.

As for boring people, I can relate. While I do have some friends who are uninteresting, I value them because they are kind and compassionate. Such people are rare, so I try to get them to do interesting stuff with me to make things more fun.

The only way to meet people you'd like hanging out with is to keep trying. There's no one place where such people collectively exist, so we'll just have to give everyone a go I guess.

Good luck!! =)

 

[Wayfarer]

How do you find good solid interesting people? I can't find them.

(I found quite a lot here )

I suppose irl it's a bit more difficult.. let's see.. considering I don't get to know many people.. I'd say that usually 80% just ignores me (which suits me well enough).

Sure, there are quite some users here and there but (and I know it's wrong) it doesn't bother me (much). Sometimes I just need to go out and so it's a gamble with 'users'.. but hey, sometimes I even have fun.

Ugh this post is turning wrong XD Anyway there sure are many good people out there. If you are a very social person, it's just a question of time before you meet them Otherwise well, it'll take some more time

As a little addendum I have to say I haven't met people who make me bored. Sure, I'd be too, in the examples you mentioned. I think I usually am the boring one lol not because I always talk about the same topic, but probably because I talk very little XD

 

[9006]

I don't think it's as complicated as you think. I think you're realising just how honeysuckle people are - but not everyone, of course.

 

[Tealeaf]

I get that on and off, and I think there's two main reasons:

1) They're not sent away. Users are very active in seeking out new resources and will stay wherever they can get it.

2) Someone looks like a target. They're sympathetic, warm, and motherly, ideally with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or mental--not physical--health struggles.

I find that my numbers get cut in half or more if I'm not an openly helpful person... which blows, but saves me a lot of time and trouble eyeballing new people for manipulative and vampiric tendencies. There's already plenty to be cynical about and it's not a side of me I like.

I can be sweet and generous in settings where I already know everyone.

 

[stork_error]

I was thinking today that I miss having " nerdy" friends. There was a time in my life just prior to my x where I had a lot of not so "cool" friends but they were so soft and gentle and functional and we did nerdy things like karaoke and stuff. Due to my work, I'm always surrounded by hard shelled egomaniacs. Its hard to be around shitty people a lot.

 

[BeyondShy]

Bad humans? WTF? Look at it this way, would you rather have bad Martians that are drawn to you?

 

[SivaGCool]

I feel lonely because my universe is so lacking these days. How do you find good solid interesting people? I can't find them.

All People are interesting but as time passes, we find them boring. The problem's not with people but with our mind.
"When your mind is calm and empty, you will have the wisdom to realize that it is OK to have differences. When the mind says, it is not OK to have differences then there is stress. However, if you say it is OK to have differences, then you will be at peace with differences. You will see beauty in differences. You will not be a victim of your concept of beauty. You will see beauty in ‘what is.’"