Beginning to feel suicidal

[CenotaphGirl]

Kate Middleton?

Lolz would you want her? Doesn't seem like your type

 

[Unsigned]

Lolz would you want her? Doesn't seem like your type

No. She's too old and way too tall for me.
But she's the only English Princess of which I know.
That other one is not English and is certainly not royalty...

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

But, if you've had compliments on how you look, it has to be something else right? Take a look at your mannerisms, how you sit, how you talk (tone and all that), what you say, what your body language is saying, etc....All that stuff speaks a lot louder than whatever words you are saying.

Also, are you going into it thinking you are going to fail and/or get rejected? Not saying you are, but I wanted to ask. If you are, that can often be seen by others that are watching you.

I can take compliments when I believe them to be sincere, which largely means ‘unprompted’. This does happens very rarely. My friends are lovely, but seeing as they know I’m hitting a rough time, they’ve gone to overcorrect by complimenting every thing I do, which sort of devalues the currency.

Not at all, I’ve lived my life as a generally optimistic person, and especially when I’m doing something I’m very good at (dancing, rock climbing, gym etc) I’m not in a negative mindset. This does not account for online, where my sense of self belief does not factor into the equation.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

So heres my latest list of possibilities

1. Poor hygiene or using aftershaves that clash rather than compliment
2. Not being more dominant about what you want.
3. Seem tooo up for a shag/meaningless
4. Poor attitude around money, not that you haven't got it but maybe you are too “cost effective” or too responsible with money
5. You can come across a little condescending? It’s attractive but also a red flag to feminists.
6. Some people on here think you are racist no idea why hopefully you dont give racey vibes in everyday life

Okay, here we go;

1. Nope, hygene is not an issue. I’m into fragrances (Tom Ford Ombre Leather is pure sex) and will match one for each occasion. This does not affect my online rejection.

2. I would say I’m assertive, but not aggressive. Nine times out of ten, you can get your way by getting people on your side. This does not affect my online rejection.

3. It’s certainly nothing that I ask for, I never going into a situation pushing for sex, I’m genuinely trying to get to know people. I will take a free throw-down if it’s presented, of course. This does not affect my online rejection.

4. Also nope, I’m not cheap with people. When I’m out, I’m there to have a good time and will not say no to things based on cost (within reason, I’m not buying bottles of champagne). This does not affect my online rejection.

5. Do I? I apologise, it’s not intentional, I suppose it’s my frustration coming across as I feel unheard. I’m literally saying “single women see me and tell me I’m ugly” and people online respond with “Yeah, must be because you’re too cheap with money and don’t give her a slap” Like, English is my first language, I’m finding it really hard to be understood here.

6. Not at all. Though I do work in a male dominated environment, these are people whose only hobbies are; football and casual racism. They all have partners, or are not single for very long. This does not affect my online rejection.

 

[Unsigned]

6. Some people on here think you are racist no idea why hopefully you dont give racey vibes in everyday life

OK, this is kind of strange.
Where did this come up?
I certainly have not seen it.
Is there some back channel here the rest of us do not know about?
Not that I have a problem with back channels (as I am a member of these things on escort review sites), just curious if that exists here...

 

[Unsigned]

whose only hobbies are; football

And by Football you mean teams like the NY Giants and Miami Dolphins, right?
Because that other thing...as we all know...is called soccer...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay, here we go;

1. Nope, hygene is not an issue. I’m into fragrances (Tom Ford Ombre Leather is pure sex) and will match one for each occasion. This does not affect my online rejection.

2. I would say I’m assertive, but not aggressive. Nine times out of ten, you can get your way by getting people on your side. This does not affect my online rejection.

3. It’s certainly nothing that I ask for, I never going into a situation pushing for sex, I’m genuinely trying to get to know people. I will take a free throw-down if it’s presented, of course. This does not affect my online rejection.

4. Also nope, I’m not cheap with people. When I’m out, I’m there to have a good time and will not say no to things based on cost (within reason, I’m not buying bottles of champagne). This does not affect my online rejection.

5. Do I? I apologise, it’s not intentional, I suppose it’s my frustration coming across as I feel unheard. I’m literally saying “single women see me and tell me I’m ugly” and people online respond with “Yeah, must be because you’re too cheap with money and don’t give her a slap” Like, English is my first language, I’m finding it really hard to be understood here.

6. Not at all. Though I do work in a male dominated environment, these are people whose only hobbies are; football and casual racism. They all have partners, or are not single for very long. This does not affect my online rejection.

I was talking about speed dating too not online rejection only. Online rejection is awkward…

Online rejection is often not as personal as people take it, I have rejected men online for literally no reason because its just flooded . I think the best thing would be for dating apps to limit the amount of messages women can receive to 20 a day… so its not like a swarm.

I think thats the only way to change it from the miserable experience it is, it works for some but I am shocked why you’re matched are at zero not even the bots want ya?

I think if all my concerns aren't accurate then I have no idea and im usually a pro at this!
Side question….Do you like women? Like for more than sleeping with? In general? Would you like to do cheesy couple stuff?

OK, this is kind of strange.
Where did this come up?
I certainly have not seen it.
Is there some back channel here the rest of us do not know about?
Not that I have a problem with back channels (as I am a member of these things on escort review sites), just curious if that exists here...

Noooo and yess and noo

People pm, people message in other places, to each their own… but pms arent allowed to be discussed in the main bit… it’s zee rules

 

[TheRealCallie]

OK, this is kind of strange.
Where did this come up?
I certainly have not seen it.
Is there some back channel here the rest of us do not know about?
Not that I have a problem with back channels (as I am a member of these things on escort review sites), just curious if that exists here...

Those are everywhere. Here, I would imagine they complain about me a lot.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Online rejection is often not as personal as people take it, I have rejected men online for literally no reason because its just flooded . I think the best thing would be for dating apps to limit the amount of messages women can receive to 20 a day… so its not like a swarm.

Yes! Women get a lot of messages. A lot of them are based on sex. A lot of them are just "hi" or "how are you". I generally skip almost all of them. I do occasionally look at profiles of the men who send me messages and if he seems interesting I'll message back. If you message a woman, put some effort into it. I'm not saying you have to go to great lengths or anything, but if the woman has a lot of info in her profile, make a little bit of effort to personalize the message. There are literally thousands (or more) people you are competing with online. You HAVE to stand out.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

And by Football you mean teams like the NY Giants and Miami Dolphins, right?
Because that other thing...as we all know...is called soccer...

Nah, calling it “soccer” is just your thing, like “measuring things in stadiums rather than adopting the metric system”

 

[TheRealCallie]

Nah, calling it “soccer” is just your thing, like “measuring things in stadiums rather than adopting the metric system”

Not the whole stadium. Just "football field" Get it right! lol

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

I think thats the only way to change it from the miserable experience it is, it works for some but I am shocked why you’re matched are at zero not even the bots want ya?

I think if all my concerns aren't accurate then I have no idea and im usually a pro at this!
Side question….Do you like women? Like for more than sleeping with? In general? Would you like to do cheesy couple stuff?

Occasionally, and I mean pretty rarely, I will get a notification that I have a ‘match’, but when I open the app the match is gone. On Bumble the woman has to message first, so I have seen a couple of people match with me, then unmatch shortly after. I guess they swiped by mistake etc.

As for your guesses, I appreciate the wild swings, but I really do have everything else nailed down as best I can. I do like women, about half of my good friends are women. I am open to cheesy couple stuff.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Yes! Women get a lot of messages. A lot of them are based on sex. A lot of them are just "hi" or "how are you". I generally skip almost all of them. I do occasionally look at profiles of the men who send me messages and if he seems interesting I'll message back. If you message a woman, put some effort into it. I'm not saying you have to go to great lengths or anything, but if the woman has a lot of info in her profile, make a little bit of effort to personalize the message. There are literally thousands (or more) people you are competing with online. You HAVE to stand out.

You do realise that the majority of dating apps adopted the Tinder model, where you are not allowed to message anyone unless you both match up?

I cannot, by definition, be sending boring messages if I’m not allowed to message anyone, because nobody says ‘yes’ to a photo of my face

 

[TheRealCallie]

You do realise that the majority of dating apps adopted the Tinder model, where you are not allowed to message anyone unless you both match up?

I cannot, by definition, be sending boring messages if I’m not allowed to message anyone, because nobody says ‘yes’ to a photo of my face

I actually did not know that. That's stupid. I know POF isn't like that, at least not in America. That's the only one I'm on, I just browse mostly, but I'll send a message every once in a while and I don't "match" people.

 

[user 139760]

You do realise that the majority of dating apps adopted the Tinder model, where you are not allowed to message anyone unless you both match up?

I cannot, by definition, be sending boring messages if I’m not allowed to message anyone, because nobody says ‘yes’ to a photo of my face

Nevermind you dating apps, man. Right now, in Montreal, is the International Jazz Festival. You're young, you're British and you look okay and have a good job? Come on over, give me three days, I'll have you hooked up for the long run
Okay, I may be overreaching lol. My point is though, I don't have a super positive opinion of online dating in general. Even POF I tried briefly, way back before they actually offered memberships. I was on the forum a short time, about two lifetimes ago. I don't know which city you're in the UK, but I'd suggest going out in events such as these and just talking to people, have a few drinks, a few laughs. Dating is a numbers game and online dating, for the short period I've tried it, was very demoralizing. Also, if you don't have a good, normal healthy opinion if yourself to begin with, it might make you start thinking there's something wrong with you (99% of the time, there isn't).

So, try and partake in more of the types of activities that will lead you to meet and interact with a greater number of people, specifically women in your age range. Also, don't be afraid to interact! A LOT of men find it intimidating, or come off as only having one thing on their mind when approaching a woman. Seen it a million times. Try approaching in an as much an organic way as possible.
If all else fails, I don't know if she's still single or not, but a younger friend of mine gives Bachata classes I think lol.

Good luck. AND...breathe. Your love life may not be stellar, but that can change on a dime in a heartbeat. Your line of thinking, well...others will hurt more with your absence. Try not to think that way. Kudos.

@TheRealCallie Actually, it's pretty smart. It would be stupid if the point of dating sites would be to help people match and get off the dating site. But, since the point if for the owners to make as much money off you as they can...the Tinder model was a gold mine. Everyone is following suite. Those who aren't, POF being one, generate far less revenue. By happenstance, have a much worse reputation for success. It's logical. It's also very despicable.

 

[TheRealCallie]

@TheRealCallie Actually, it's pretty smart. It would be stupid if the point of dating sites would be to help people match and get off the dating site. But, since the point if for the owners to make as much money off you as they can...the Tinder model was a gold mine. Everyone is following suite. Those who aren't, POF being one, generate far less revenue. By happenstance, have a much worse reputation for success. It's logical. It's also very despicable.

Actually from the Hinge commercials I've seen, the whole point is to get people to find a match and delete the dating app. I don't know if it's like that for real, but that's what they claim.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Nevermind you dating apps, man. Right now, in Montreal, is the International Jazz Festival. You're young, you're British and you look okay and have a good job? Come on over, give me three days, I'll have you hooked up for the long run
Okay, I may be overreaching lol. My point is though, I don't have a super positive opinion of online dating in general. Even POF I tried briefly, way back before they actually offered memberships. I was on the forum a short time, about two lifetimes ago. I don't know which city you're in the UK, but I'd suggest going out in events such as these and just talking to people, have a few drinks, a few laughs. Dating is a numbers game and online dating, for the short period I've tried it, was very demoralizing. Also, if you don't have a good, normal healthy opinion if yourself to begin with, it might make you start thinking there's something wrong with you (99% of the time, there isn't).

So, try and partake in more of the types of activities that will lead you to meet and interact with a greater number of people, specifically women in your age range. Also, don't be afraid to interact! A LOT of men find it intimidating, or come off as only having one thing on their mind when approaching a woman. Seen it a million times. Try approaching in an as much an organic way as possible.
If all else fails, I don't know if she's still single or not, but a younger friend of mine gives Bachata classes I think lol.

Good luck. AND...breathe. Your love life may not be stellar, but that can change on a dime in a heartbeat. Your line of thinking, well...others will hurt more with your absence. Try not to think that way. Kudos.

@TheRealCallie Actually, it's pretty smart. It would be stupid if the point of dating sites would be to help people match and get off the dating site. But, since the point if for the owners to make as much money off you as they can...the Tinder model was a gold mine. Everyone is following suite. Those who aren't, POF being one, generate far less revenue. By happenstance, have a much worse reputation for success. It's logical. It's also very despicable.

Hey!

I do appreciate the message, but I have highlighted that my problem is not a lack of opportunity to meet people, or not being comfortable around women. Where I am, I do go to events and festivals, I’m an accomplished lead at Swing Dancing, which I have done all over the country, and is a vibrant community full of single women desperate for a boyfriend who can dance. I also am part of several “meetup” groups for people my own age, which has a regular influx of single women looking to find people. Between those two things, making friends at the gym, and being an amateur photographer, I really do have many get the chance to meet a variety of people from different walks of life. I’m very outgoing, and make friends easily. Despite that, I have had not a single person attracted to me, with the words “He’s too ugly”, perhaps sometimes said more delicately, being the main reason given.

It’s not that I’m 100% set on the idea of suicide, it just seems the only idea that makes sense to me. Maxing out credit cards on plane tickets in vague hope that someone will find me vaguely attractive doesn’t seem like the right idea, yet I’m surprised at how often people tell me that’s what I should be doing.

 

[user 139760]

Hey!

I do appreciate the message, but I have highlighted that my problem is not a lack of opportunity to meet people, or not being comfortable around women. Where I am, I do go to events and festivals, I’m an accomplished lead at Swing Dancing, which I have done all over the country, and is a vibrant community full of single women desperate for a boyfriend who can dance. I also am part of several “meetup” groups for people my own age, which has a regular influx of single women looking to find people. Between those two things, making friends at the gym, and being an amateur photographer, I really do have many get the chance to meet a variety of people from different walks of life. I’m very outgoing, and make friends easily. Despite that, I have had not a single person attracted to me, with the words “He’s too ugly”, perhaps sometimes said more delicately, being the main reason given.

It’s not that I’m 100% set on the idea of suicide, it just seems the only idea that makes sense to me. Maxing out credit cards on plane tickets in vague hope that someone will find me vaguely attractive doesn’t seem like the right idea, yet I’m surprised at how often people tell me that’s what I should be doing.

People tell you that? Weird. Anyway, my point was, even though there is some measure of success on dating apps, it's a more arduous and soul crushing process than I've found it to be offline, if you compare the two. In the situation you're in, it's hard to say anything really about what you're doing right, or wrong, or anything really, beyond "hang in there", which sounds like really inane advice. But, what I can say, as someone who's had those linds of thoughts in the past, is that the thought of leaving my loved ones, friends and family, in distress far outweighed the sense of dread I was feeling at the time. Which also lessened over time, because it does, as I tried to focus on the positives that I could change in my life, instead of what was "not happening", so to speak. I do hope everything goes better for you.

 

[user 139760]

Actually from the Hinge commercials I've seen, the whole point is to get people to find a match and delete the dating app. I don't know if it's like that for real, but that's what they claim.

No idea, but marketing is not that often faithful to the product. I heard the same ads. I'd need to see it to make an actual call on it though.

Edit: nope, same garbage.
https://productmint.com/hinge-busin...m subscriptions as well as,on that in a bit).
Ironically, I did not know this, they're all owned by the same group. Little wonder.
This is why I don't like dating sites. It's all about the money (see the last lines in the article).

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

People tell you that? Weird. Anyway, my point was, even though there is some measure of success on dating apps, it's a more arduous and soul crushing process than I've found it to be offline, if you compare the two. In the situation you're in, it's hard to say anything really about what you're doing right, or wrong, or anything really, beyond "hang in there", which sounds like really inane advice. But, what I can say, as someone who's had those linds of thoughts in the past, is that the thought of leaving my loved ones, friends and family, in distress far outweighed the sense of dread I was feeling at the time. Which also lessened over time, because it does, as I tried to focus on the positives that I could change in my life, instead of what was "not happening", so to speak. I do hope everything goes better for you.

Sure. Some will say it to me, some say it to others and word gets around, some are more diplomatic; earlier this year I got the “oh you’re such a lovely guy, I’m just not ready to be with anyone right now”, 2 weeks later she was draped over a hot guy. I once had a woman at a party describe me as “alright… but only from the neck down” when I was in the kitchen and she thought I couldn’t hear. You might describe this as a subtle clue that things aren’t going so well

With online dating, sure, it’s not something I place a tonne of stock in, but I am the only male I’m aware of to have actual zero matches or likes across years on several different platforms. My friends range from ‘normal’ to ‘handsome’, and each had general success. This is a platform where by definition I’m not getting “swiped left” on because I’ve said the wrong thing, or my confidence, the way I vote, what car I drive. It’s a literal “are you attractive?” test, and I’m at 0%.