Being a nerd seems like a turnoff to girls

[CenotaphGirl]

So clarify this statement for me - are you actually saying that only ‘ugly’ people are into nerdy-type hobbies or is that just how I’m interpreting it?

Well what I meant was like when I was ugly no one was shocked that I liked nerdy things, however, my brand changed and all of a sudden everyone I met thought I was joking or lying about being into star trek and anime and even historical facts and general trivia. I miss life before I became all about sex appeal, I miss having something dorky and quirky about me

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I mean, I think people think that when they are younger. I know I certainly USED to think that way.

I think it's like so many things - when you're younger, you just kind of repeat society's stereotypes out of not knowing any better/lacking experience. You think that what society says is true, IS true.

But as you get older, you see that it's not like that.

When I was younger all girls would speak slower and pretend not to know anything around the boys to keep their attractiveness going. Even in some cultures women are taught not to excel or aspire too high or they wont find a husband. So I think you are right here Ska theres a age and cultural thinking towards this.

I think some hobbies appealed to me more because I was ugly too, a lot of fantasy and fiction as my life was dull and lonely… anime and star trek even debate club were forms of escapism from my ugly existence.

 

[randomguy]

It's not true regardless.

One of the hottest women I've ever met, who I thought was my dream girl for a while, was into all the "nerdy" stuff I was - including Star Wars and DnD - plus my non-nerdy interests like music and cars, and was also an artist in several mediums, and into all kinds of mystical topics too.

Spot on young Jedi, all the best women are nerds.

I've been a nerd all my life, most musicians are, in fact most artists are.

Here's some wisdom from the book of Randomguy's life experience:
A girl is likely to be attracted to a “bad boy”, someone edgy and mysterious, who treats her badly and makes her jump through hoops for his attention because he’s too self-absorbed to prioritize her.

A woman, however, is over dating bad boys and instead wants to date someone with whom she can have an intelligent conversation. Once a girl has grown into a sophisticated, respectable woman, she’ll know exactly what she’s looking for and she’ll have higher self-esteem, allowing her to appreciate being treated well. A woman will appreciate the nice, geeky guy, a girl won’t.

 

[user 190541]

I used to think that girls didn't like me because of my "geeky" interests - Star Wars, Transformers, LOTR, D&D, etc.

I didn't express myself and kept that secret, but then it was like I had no personality at all. I just tried to keep a low profile, fly under the radar because it was better than being teased, I just wanted to get through the day quietly, easily, painlessly.

In time, I looked back though, and realized that I don't think it was ever my interests that were the problem.
Instead, I think what WAS the problem, was a lot of things, but mainly it was my lack of a skilled interest of some kind, my lack of being good at something.

That's what I would say is the thing with "nerdy" interests. It's not the interests themselves that are the trouble, it's when they are your ONLY interests, and you don't have a balance of interests and topics to talk about. Also, it's important to clean up, stay in at least reasonable shape, either have or be working towards some kind of skilled career, and have some other skilled interest, an interest that you do and are good at, and gives you something to talk about that you actually do - so you're not just talking about the things you like, made by someone else.

We can't forget that we have to get someone into us, not into the things we like. I'm not trying to get a girl interested in Star Wars, or George Lucas - I'm trying to get them into ME. Guys in particular are expected to be good at things - especially if you're not naturally muscular and/or born to money. So we have to find a way to be someone, with a life, that another person could get into. I think if we can do all these things, it's possible to avoid the "nerdy" stereotype. I only wish I realized this 20ish years ago instead of today.

All in all I'd say that "nerdy" interests aren't necessarily a turn-off to girls, in and of themselves -
what DOES seem to be a turnoff, is ONLY being able to talk about "nerdy" interests, not having a variety of interests, not being good at any skilled activities, not having any thoughts of your own, and not being in a strong position in life. Again, I wish I understood that earlier, instead of just thinking I was "wrong" because I wasn't a "bro".

Honestly, I don't think that's true, Ska. Generally, women want to talk about stupid honeysuckle like Kpop, parties, celeb gossip etc. You could be able to hold a conversion about how to solve the quadratic equation, the development of the sonata form, rare pigments used by painters in the Middle Ages and even the revolutionary terror of the French Revolution (or just about any other serious thing), all of this while being a skilled mathematician, painter and historian yourself, and that would still, in itself, get you nowhere, cause that's not what women want. What women want, like @Unsigned is fond of saying, is "fun" men, which generally translates - in the vocabulary of any serious person - to stupid men. Stupid albeit "hot" men.

She was into DC stuff AND making nerds go goo-goo eyed...when she wasn't drinking and doing coke in Meat Packing district clubs, or zonked out on adderall and xanax in hotel rooms...

See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. By the way, what's the matter with hot women and these degrading lifestyles? It's bad enough that the only thing "normal" girls find interesting is the stupid honeysuckle mentioned above, but at least they're not into hardcore drugs and don't prostitute themselves in order to earn a living (or so I hope).

Really, how far have we fallen! And then the ideologues of bourgeois liberalism will tell you that an increasingly opaque liberal democracy is supposed to compensate for this. No thanks, I'd rather convert to Shi'a Islam and live in the ******* deserts of Iran.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Honestly, I don't think that's true, Ska. Generally, women want to talk about stupid honeysuckle like Kpop, parties, celeb gossip etc. You could be able to hold a conversion about how to solve the quadratic equation, the development of the sonata form, rare pigments used by painters in the Middle Ages and even the revolutionary terror of the French Revolution (or just about any other serious thing), all of this while being a skilled mathematician, painter and historian yourself, and that would still, in itself, get you nowhere, cause that's not what women want. What women want, like @Unsigned is fond of saying, is "fun" men, which generally translates - in the vocabulary of any serious person - to stupid men. Stupid albeit "hot" men.

I don't know. I think that's just the extreme cases.

If you flip it around, and they tried to talk to me about kpop, parties, celebrities etc, I wouldn't be too receptive to it either. But it's just that subculture of person/personality type, not everyone.

I know I'm not the kind of guy that club/party girls would like, and I wouldn't be that crazy about them either, so I don't engage with them.
I look for someone that's more like me in interests and temperament.
I definitely think I need more balance and personal enrichment.

I mean, it can't be that everyone is that way. It just might be harder to look for someone that's into heavier topics.

 

[user 190541]

I don't know. I think that's just the extreme cases.

If you flip it around, and they tried to talk to me about kpop, parties, celebrities etc, I wouldn't be too receptive to it either. But it's just that subculture of person/personality type, not everyone.

I know I'm not the kind of guy that club/party girls would like, and I wouldn't be that crazy about them either, so I don't engage with them.
I look for someone that's more like me in interests and temperament.
I definitely think I need more balance and personal enrichment.

I mean, it can't be that everyone is that way. It just might be harder to look for someone that's into heavier topics.

Then I hope you can succeed where I failed. Frankly, the only women I know that I don't find shallow have like twice my age. If that sounds sad, it's because it is.

But, of course, there must be some pretty interesting ladies out there, it's only logical to assume it. I just never had the pleasure of meeting them.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I always wanted to play table-top role playing games, and have a reason to roll those fancy dice, or try my hand at being a game master or something; but, it never happened. Never could break into the nerd crowd. Had an invite once, but, didn't take my colleague up on it, at the time... I've always seemed more to share orbits with the freaks and the geeks; bit of a dork myself.

I think being a, 'nerd,' now is considered cool. Hollywood practically only keeps pooping out movies based on Comic books. Strikingly beautiful ladies love to dress up and go to Comic Con. All the actors and voice actors that people admire. Role playing games are played by cool people now. Even speed-running video games is cool now. Bill Gates is a Billionare (absolute f*ckhead of a world domination type nerd, along with Bezos (total f'n nerd)). The Nerds have had their revenge (some of them, perhaps, anyway).

Being desirable or undesirable is kind of just luck of the draw, circumstantial, etc.. Some blokes constantly have a sh*t hand, but can bluff really well. Some blokes are always carrying pocket aces, but still go bust in the end, either due to bad luck, or poor skill...

You get the pad and the Lambo, then you worry if they only want you for your money; then when you're broke, it's hard to impress, but still you desire...

Seems having one's ducks in a row is probably a good place to start... And then...



...When it comes to, 'Love,' with the capital L; often times it's really just about the timing of it...

 

[Punisher]

I think being a, 'nerd,' now is considered cool. Hollywood practically only keeps pooping out movies based on Comic books. Strikingly beautiful ladies love to dress up and go to Comic Con.

Box office receipts, social media followers and subscriptions/donations. Nerds are only good for business.

 

[isthatso]

Successful geeks versus loser geeks.
Success and confidence and enthusiasm in any field is a turn on.
Depressed geeks who've given up on life are naturally less popular. You can't expect women to feel sorry for you, for too long. No matter how sad your story is.
Energy attracts energy. Must be some physics in that statement.