Being a nerd seems like a turnoff to girls

[Claudia]

I find the question is 'where are the nerd guys hiding'? :3

 

[INTERPOL]

I'm a guy and I would brand myself as a geek but I wouldn't say I act like the stereotypical geek/nerd, but my interests most definitely reflect the true me haha Card Games (I still have my Yu Gi Oh Deck! Zombies FTW!), Videogames, Anime, Manga, RPG's, gadgets etc etc
Plus I've had a Girlfriend before, she wasn't much of a geek like me at first, but by the time i'd left her she was into anime and i had got her into online gaming
So the moral of the anecdote is, if you find a nice geek girl then great, if not, then convert them

 

[Limlim]

I suppose one of the things is the ratio of guy to girl nerds is pretty huge, hence why you'll see masses of men at the hangouts more often (conventions, lan parties, etc). Though the good news is that, that ratio is getting smaller over the years.

Works probably the same way as it does for women in the military. They get snatched up pretty quickly and it's near impossible to find a single one that you work with.

Though its not a complaint one way or another, just an observation. Met my first girlfriend at an anime club way back, I was the most desirable guy there by virtue of the fact that I was the only one who showered and wore clothes that didn't have stains on them. That said, even from what I've noticed with anime being the nerdy activity that appeals to women more-so than the others, there were still only a few there compared to the guys.

That said, if I were a girl I'd probably not want to hang around a bunch of unshowered people who drooled at me while panting heavily all day. I was actually kind of ashamed that the stereotype of anime nerds turned out to be largely true -_-

 

[SufferinginSilence]

Is finding us really the issue, or is it trying to figure out what to do once you spot us?

'Cause I assure you that I go to the comic book store. I can be found in the RPG book aisle at the book store or library. I attend various events. I look at stuff at Gamestop. You know what happens? Guys kind of twitch as they realize a female has entered. Guys immediately look anywhere BUT at the female. Sometimes, guys even slowly ease out of the female's space... providing her several feet of solitude.

As for online... I very rarely get messages on okcupid. Even if I initiate communication with somebody, there's just nothing in return. If I talk to somebody while gaming, he either doesn't respond or he's kind of a jerk.

Hmm. Maybe I just don't realize it, but I'm really hideous.

I had to laugh when I read this... brought me back to my first year of uni. Myself and another girl decided to join the gaming society in college, went to the first meeting to be met with stone silence and absolute shock by the rest of the society who were all males. Needless to say we didn't go back to avoid inflicting more discomfort It was the funniest reaction I have ever seen. I personally don't think being a nerd is a turn off... in fact I'm more likely to talk to a nerd or geek when I'm out than someone who's into sport or other popular things. Once you get past the shyness they tend to be the best and nicest people (even the insanely pessimistic ones!)

 

[nerdygirl]

I had to laugh when I read this... brought me back to my first year of uni. Myself and another girl decided to join the gaming society in college, went to the first meeting to be met with stone silence and absolute shock by the rest of the society who were all males. Needless to say we didn't go back to avoid inflicting more discomfort

That's sort of how I handled the comic book store. I only go during times I figure business is going to be slow.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I used to think that girls didn't like me because of my "geeky" interests - Star Wars, Transformers, LOTR, D&D, etc.

I didn't express myself and kept that secret, but then it was like I had no personality at all. I just tried to keep a low profile, fly under the radar because it was better than being teased, I just wanted to get through the day quietly, easily, painlessly.

In time, I looked back though, and realized that I don't think it was ever my interests that were the problem.
Instead, I think what WAS the problem, was a lot of things, but mainly it was my lack of a skilled interest of some kind, my lack of being good at something.

That's what I would say is the thing with "nerdy" interests. It's not the interests themselves that are the trouble, it's when they are your ONLY interests, and you don't have a balance of interests and topics to talk about. Also, it's important to clean up, stay in at least reasonable shape, either have or be working towards some kind of skilled career, and have some other skilled interest, an interest that you do and are good at, and gives you something to talk about that you actually do - so you're not just talking about the things you like, made by someone else.

We can't forget that we have to get someone into us, not into the things we like. I'm not trying to get a girl interested in Star Wars, or George Lucas - I'm trying to get them into ME. Guys in particular are expected to be good at things - especially if you're not naturally muscular and/or born to money. So we have to find a way to be someone, with a life, that another person could get into. I think if we can do all these things, it's possible to avoid the "nerdy" stereotype. I only wish I realized this 20ish years ago instead of today.

All in all I'd say that "nerdy" interests aren't necessarily a turn-off to girls, in and of themselves -
what DOES seem to be a turnoff, is ONLY being able to talk about "nerdy" interests, not having a variety of interests, not being good at any skilled activities, not having any thoughts of your own, and not being in a strong position in life. Again, I wish I understood that earlier, instead of just thinking I was "wrong" because I wasn't a "bro".

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

It's better to be rejected for what you are than accepted for what you are not. Because at least if you're rejected for what you are you're still honest with yourself, the later does not have that which can complicate your headspace about the matter.

Can you adjust and change and do things hither and dither to make yourself more attractive? Yes.
But those things are also going to have an upkeep requirement that's doomed to failure due to its lack of naturality.
And so the relationship will eventually fall through as a result of that.

Therefore:
I would rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not.
I'm very used to not being liked. So much so that it hardly phases me. I don't even flinch when cops profile me anymore.

 

[user 150037]

With me it's more to do with the fact that I have an 'immature' appearance due to hormone/chemical deficiencies during puberty. Most people are surprised when I tell them I'm in my late 30's.

 

[Unsigned]

I would rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not.

Yeah. I agree.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I love being a nerd but thats not my brand, my brand is sex appeal. However when people get to know me.. they are shocked to know I am a star trek freak, anime fan and a debate team geek. I used to be ugly which suited these hobbies but I had to leave them behind when I started modelling… I miss the old me sometimes though… hair in a ponytail watching star trek with my dad.

 

[Unsigned]

Attractive girls LOVE going out to places where they will be seen and be able to brag to their friends.
Trendy restaurants, rooftops, night clubs, "after parties" (God, what an asinine concept), etc..

"Nerds" like staying in and watching TV, movies, video games, or going to places where other "nerds" hang out and feel comfortable.

Those things are diametrically opposed.

I wouldn't consider myself a full on "nerd", but I am much more "nerd-like" than "player-like".
I have taken escorts to trendy places in the past, but for the most part, I would prefer to stay in or go to a park or a quiet beach (NOT South Beach or the Hamptons), so I do believe that is a part of the reason I have never been successful with the types of females I find attractive.

 

[ringwood]

I love being a nerd but thats not my brand, my brand is sex appeal. However when people get to know me.. they are shocked to know I am a star trek freak, anime fan and a debate team geek. I used to be ugly which suited these hobbies but I had to leave them behind when I started modelling… I miss the old me sometimes though… hair in a ponytail watching star trek with my dad.

So clarify this statement for me - are you actually saying that only ‘ugly’ people are into nerdy-type hobbies or is that just how I’m interpreting it?

 

[TheSkaFish]

So clarify this statement for me - are you actually saying that only ‘ugly’ people are into nerdy-type hobbies or is that just how I’m interpreting it?

It's not true regardless.

One of the hottest women I've ever met, who I thought was my dream girl for a while, was into all the "nerdy" stuff I was - including Star Wars and DnD - plus my non-nerdy interests like music and cars, and was also an artist in several mediums, and into all kinds of mystical topics too. I thought I had a chance at first, but she was way more advanced than me at basically everything, and was way more confident as well, and valued confidence in men. I simply didn't have myself together in time. She's still a cool person, but at this point it's not going to work.

I see now why it would have been very difficult for that situation to have worked, but still. It goes to show that nerd-type hobbies are not necessarily looks-based.

 

[ringwood]

It's not true regardless.

One of the hottest women I've ever met, who I thought was my dream girl for a while, was into all the "nerdy" stuff I was - including Star Wars and DnD - plus my non-nerdy interests like music and cars, and was also an artist in several mediums, and into all kinds of mystical topics too. I thought I had a chance at first, but she was way more advanced than me at basically everything, and was way more confident as well, and valued confidence in men. I simply didn't have myself together in time. She's still a cool person, but at this point it's not going to work.

I see now why it would have been very difficult for that situation to have worked, but still. It goes to show that nerd-type hobbies are not necessarily looks-based.

I know it's not true - I mean, to think otherwise is laughable. That's why I was wanting clarification because I figured I must be interpreting Cenotaphgirl's comment the wrong way.

 

[Unsigned]

I thought I had a chance at first, but she was way more advanced than me at basically everything, and was way more confident as well, and valued confidence in men.

Then she wasn't really a nerd.
One of my former regulars, a part time model and a legit 10/10, was into that Comicon thing.
But she would dress like Super Girl, Wonder Woman, etc.. and strut around.
She would always show me the pics, and believe me, she was there to be seen.
She was also one of the ones I used to take to trendy spots.
So yeah, some hot girls may be into dress up and being gawked at by male nerds, but they are not really nerds themselves.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I know it's not true - I mean, to think otherwise is laughable. That's why I was wanting clarification because I figured I must be interpreting Cenotaphgirl's comment the wrong way.

I mean, I think people think that when they are younger. I know I certainly USED to think that way.

I think it's like so many things - when you're younger, you just kind of repeat society's stereotypes out of not knowing any better/lacking experience. You think that what society says is true, IS true.

But as you get older, you see that it's not like that.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Then she wasn't really a nerd.
One of my former regulars, a part time model and a legit 10/10, was into that Comicon thing.
But she would dress like Super Girl, Wonder Woman, etc.. and strut around.
She would always show me the pics, and believe me, she was there to be seen.
She was also one of the ones I used to take to trendy spots.
So yeah, some hot girls may be into dress up and being gawked at by male nerds, but they are not really nerds themselves.

Yeah, that attention-seeking thing, I'm not a fan of that - where they want to be gawked at by male nerds, but would never give those guys time of day. They just do it for ego/attention/to feel like a celebrity. To feel a sense of power.

That's a "rule" of mine - don't give serious attention, to people that are obviously fishing for attention.
They can either be real with me, or get attention from someone else.
I would NOT buy a girl a drink, and I refuse to even "like" pictures on Facebook that are obvious "thirst traps".
I don't think so! Ska don't play that!

I only want to be thought of as genuine-connection material, NOT someone who's just there to be used to boost a woman's ego.

But, did this person do that stuff out of attention seeking, figuring that the "nerds" would be an easy target market?

Or was she really a fan of that stuff?

There's a big difference.
The woman I'm talking about, really was into all that stuff, we actually had it in common.

 

[Unsigned]

But, did this person do that stuff out of attention seeking, figuring that the "nerds" would be an easy target market?

Or was she really a fan of that stuff?

Both.
She was into DC stuff AND making nerds go goo-goo eyed...when she wasn't drinking and doing coke in Meat Packing district clubs, or zonked out on adderall and xanax in hotel rooms...

 

[TheSkaFish]

Both.
She was into DC stuff AND making nerds go goo-goo eyed...when she wasn't drinking and doing coke in Meat Packing district clubs, or zonked out on adderall and xanax in hotel rooms...

That's a shame, but oh well. Nerdy guys would do well to wise up and don't waste time thinking about people like that. I hate getting used. It doesn't happen often, but when it has, it was so insulting, like that's all I'm good enough for, that's how I'm seen. I'd rather be left alone than seen as a mark.

You can't save people like that, they have to want a different life themselves. Any attempt to "save" them, just makes you look like the Fun Police in their eyes. There's nothing you can do.

 

[Unsigned]

That's a shame, but oh well. Nerdy guys would do well to wise up and don't waste time thinking about people like that. I hate getting used. It doesn't happen often, but when it has, it was so insulting, like that's all I'm good enough for, that's how I'm seen. I'd rather be left alone than seen as a mark.

You can't save people like that, they have to want a different life themselves. Any attempt to "save" them, just makes you look like the Fun Police in their eyes. There's nothing you can do.

One time I was lecturing her and she said it was like being in bed with her mother...