breadbasket
Well-known member
I love aircraft. I love all of them. I'm a geek. I want to see them improve. Faster, more efficient. Safer, what have you. Ever since I was a child I loved airplanes. I kept to it, I never left it. When I say I love airplanes, I love airplanes. I gotta design them. Rockets, immense power to get to space directly. They go very fast.
It was all childhood thinking until I discovered politics. Politics took it all away. I don't want to say who was responsible. Or what. It's rather a group in general called the media. I read them for a bit. I read what they had to say, and what other people had to say. And since then they tore out my childhood innocence.
I had the feeling that I was a bad person. I was born int he US. I loved airplanes, and thus I should be shameful because I promote warfare. I would go to youtube comments about airplanes. I would read how much I was s scumbag for wanting to be an engineer. I was an imperialist ******* who deserved to be burned alive, that was the honeysuckle I got. A person who wanted to design airplanes, get into the Aerospace industry.
By the time I was in Middle School it took it's tole. I was miserable, lead to believe my father was a terrorist and I had to kill him in my sleep, because he was in the Navy. We never landed on the moon. We are inherently the lowest life form. In vietnam, our marines are so stupid that one guy armed with a rake could kill one hundred marines. We bombed japan with two nukes and did other bad things. True. I was also lead to believe that we deserved to be shot and killed And nuked. And If I was dead, the world would be a perfect place. I was so miserable by then I wanted to kill myself. In middle school.
That was a primer. Now, my problem, was that when I was in school. I said my dad was in the Navy. The kids kicked me around. They made fun of my airplanes. I was pissed. Just thinking about it right now, boils my blood. Everything I said. And this dried the concrete.
By the eight grade I learned, how much bullshit I was fed. Biased, ******* bullshit. Too bad. Becuase I wanted to live. Peace does not extinguish war, it's a canvas for war. And by then, I was created in their image. Or at least, when I realized it was all bullshit. So all that misery, for no reason.
Guess what happened after that. I was in High School. I saw a foreign exchange student from Turkmenistan. I was pretty much already planning to kill him. I saw another, group actually. Foreign students from Japan. I was tempted to go up to them and say, "Get the fresia out of my country," and hope they don't understand a single thing I said. I hated every statement that seemed, with little time to judge, because I always thought it meant that I was stupid, or evil. Because I loved airplanes. I hated everyone, paranoid infact. I was ready to attack anyone. I was a pretty messed up kid, who felt that the world was out to get me. In short, I hated everyone and every thing. I hated every country for setting me so low. Including this one, as it was a love hate relationship by then. Still is.
I was under counseling at the time. And I was told that if I do not control my rage, I would be sent to a mental hospital. Or the police. This is because I always talked about explicit things, war. In a very biased perspective. My parents, told me, that they're going to send me to a hospital because of how I always thought.
I was in pain at the time. Every time I was in rage I always thought about those moments hearing and reading those thoughts about how terrible I was. How Terrible the States was. How terrible we are as people, we were animals. Deserved to die. I thought about how it was all bullshit. I was filled with rage every second that passed by. It was so painful to me, I can recognize it was suffering. I was sensitive to my surroundings. My heart raced as if I was running. My eyes, my sight couldn't keep straight. I once got so mad I started contorting, writhing. It felt just so terrible, I felt it for long enough. that I actually said, I needed to. I can't take it anymore. I was tired of the bast rage. The Paranoia, the hatred and fear of death. The need to prove myself, and kill all those who did not agree with it. I'm tired of hating foreign countries. I'm tired of wanting to kill any immigrants. I don't want to play that mad man anymore, I just want to design airplanes.
I'm amazed I'm even alive, or have yet to commit a murder. After all I have been compared to, Nazis, Racist. Darth Vader. Being called stupid in school.
So now I take antidepressants. It's good to be realistic, I can think straight now. I can analyze, and I know everything has their ups and downs. I want to go some place else perhaps, meet different people. And the rage is gone, but, to this day that bit of misery remains within me. I still react to self loathing messages in a violent manner. I loath myself, and the States, just because of nature. I'm wired to now.
So call me a terrible person. Because, that's the message that keeps repeating in my foolish little mind. Hate your own country. Kill your self. Die. Burn. Rot. Worthless. Animal. Fool. *******.
It was all childhood thinking until I discovered politics. Politics took it all away. I don't want to say who was responsible. Or what. It's rather a group in general called the media. I read them for a bit. I read what they had to say, and what other people had to say. And since then they tore out my childhood innocence.
I had the feeling that I was a bad person. I was born int he US. I loved airplanes, and thus I should be shameful because I promote warfare. I would go to youtube comments about airplanes. I would read how much I was s scumbag for wanting to be an engineer. I was an imperialist ******* who deserved to be burned alive, that was the honeysuckle I got. A person who wanted to design airplanes, get into the Aerospace industry.
By the time I was in Middle School it took it's tole. I was miserable, lead to believe my father was a terrorist and I had to kill him in my sleep, because he was in the Navy. We never landed on the moon. We are inherently the lowest life form. In vietnam, our marines are so stupid that one guy armed with a rake could kill one hundred marines. We bombed japan with two nukes and did other bad things. True. I was also lead to believe that we deserved to be shot and killed And nuked. And If I was dead, the world would be a perfect place. I was so miserable by then I wanted to kill myself. In middle school.
That was a primer. Now, my problem, was that when I was in school. I said my dad was in the Navy. The kids kicked me around. They made fun of my airplanes. I was pissed. Just thinking about it right now, boils my blood. Everything I said. And this dried the concrete.
By the eight grade I learned, how much bullshit I was fed. Biased, ******* bullshit. Too bad. Becuase I wanted to live. Peace does not extinguish war, it's a canvas for war. And by then, I was created in their image. Or at least, when I realized it was all bullshit. So all that misery, for no reason.
Guess what happened after that. I was in High School. I saw a foreign exchange student from Turkmenistan. I was pretty much already planning to kill him. I saw another, group actually. Foreign students from Japan. I was tempted to go up to them and say, "Get the fresia out of my country," and hope they don't understand a single thing I said. I hated every statement that seemed, with little time to judge, because I always thought it meant that I was stupid, or evil. Because I loved airplanes. I hated everyone, paranoid infact. I was ready to attack anyone. I was a pretty messed up kid, who felt that the world was out to get me. In short, I hated everyone and every thing. I hated every country for setting me so low. Including this one, as it was a love hate relationship by then. Still is.
I was under counseling at the time. And I was told that if I do not control my rage, I would be sent to a mental hospital. Or the police. This is because I always talked about explicit things, war. In a very biased perspective. My parents, told me, that they're going to send me to a hospital because of how I always thought.
I was in pain at the time. Every time I was in rage I always thought about those moments hearing and reading those thoughts about how terrible I was. How Terrible the States was. How terrible we are as people, we were animals. Deserved to die. I thought about how it was all bullshit. I was filled with rage every second that passed by. It was so painful to me, I can recognize it was suffering. I was sensitive to my surroundings. My heart raced as if I was running. My eyes, my sight couldn't keep straight. I once got so mad I started contorting, writhing. It felt just so terrible, I felt it for long enough. that I actually said, I needed to. I can't take it anymore. I was tired of the bast rage. The Paranoia, the hatred and fear of death. The need to prove myself, and kill all those who did not agree with it. I'm tired of hating foreign countries. I'm tired of wanting to kill any immigrants. I don't want to play that mad man anymore, I just want to design airplanes.
I'm amazed I'm even alive, or have yet to commit a murder. After all I have been compared to, Nazis, Racist. Darth Vader. Being called stupid in school.
So now I take antidepressants. It's good to be realistic, I can think straight now. I can analyze, and I know everything has their ups and downs. I want to go some place else perhaps, meet different people. And the rage is gone, but, to this day that bit of misery remains within me. I still react to self loathing messages in a violent manner. I loath myself, and the States, just because of nature. I'm wired to now.
So call me a terrible person. Because, that's the message that keeps repeating in my foolish little mind. Hate your own country. Kill your self. Die. Burn. Rot. Worthless. Animal. Fool. *******.
