Being Poor - No money? No friends!

[Marine_Vet_78]

I have noticed that everything's fun under the Sun as long as one has money. The moment one runs into financial difficulty, people will jump to find an excuse as to why they can't get together.

I understand the whole thing of being a financial drain on others. No one owes me, etc. It's just that when I'm in such financial distress, people quietly step aside and will gladly throw me in front of the bus.

When I had money - I had friends. This has been true my entire life. People in our culture are so concerned about physical goods and "things". Whenever I walk by people on the sidewalk, no one says hi. They gaze into their devices and pretend to be lost in another world. That's fine...but it's not for me. I used to be one of those "lost in the device" people. When iPod FIRST came out, I was one of the first idiots running around all plugged up. I was more into my music than with connecting with others.

Now I'm on the other side. I make it a point to NOT go out plugged up like that. I leave my devices at home...because that's where I use them. I don't currently have a job so when I go out - I want to notice what's actually around me..instead of what's on the Internet. It's lonely doing things that way, because NO ONE talks anymore. I do not look remarkable. I am fat. I'm just an average fat white dude. I gained weight after getting out of the military over a decade ago.

My "mind" is busy though. I'm a "philosopher" type. I'm one of those "introverted" people who can act extroverted at times. I'm good with people, but I hate most of them and I'm liable to lash out when necessary. I don't put up with bullshit anymore...which really means I don't work that well with people because I'm so...socially awkward.

Being "different" sucks. But being poor sucks even worse. When you're poor, no one cares. No one wants to help. They see you as a burden on society and they say it's all "my" fault. Well, it's not. I've been trying to find work as a Web Designer. I'm an excellent graphic artist and web designer, but no one cares. Alas, I find myself, alone, so utterly alone! Can anyone relate to this? OR is everyone here "well-to-do?" I hope I'm not the only non-yuppie / non-rich person here.

 

[Senamian]

I lived in poverty my whole live. Currently still under the poverty line. Finances are a great stressful strain of mine, which sucks. Would be nice to not be broke all the time. And it is true here as well about money meaning everything... So many people I know who don't have to spend any money on responsibility (bills, rent, car, etc... These are younger "still in or just out of schook give or take a year" people) have tons of "friends", a wild alcohol filled social life, and their Facebook pages tell all of what they are doing that very minute wherever they are.

Not everyone is like that... But too many people are!! Some of them will find in a few years when they too are no longer "rich" that these so called friends won't stick around.

 

[Marine_Vet_78]

Yeah. Like I said - it's all fun and games until the money's gone. The "Talking Heads" were right when they sang something to the effect that, "into the blue again, after the money's gone - once in a life time, there is water flowing underground." Yes, it is "the same as it ever was" in that regard. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Is this the case with human nature? Are we really too selfish and greedy to "evolve" into a more "kind" species? These are some questions to ponder. Sorry for the overuse of quotation marks. I'm too lazy to type things out properly these days.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Whatever happened to people just getting together, like at a park or someones house, and sitting around talking?

 

[TheSkaFish]

I hear you. I'm trying to figure out how I can get a decent job and get started living a life I actually enjoy. But my mind is drawing blanks. It's really frustrating because all my life I was in, or at least offered the chance to be in, the more advanced classes, where the smarter people would be. And I just KNOW I have to be able to do more with my life than lift boxes or work a cash register when there is so much going on in the world. It really sucks because I too am a thinking person, I like to engage my mind, love good conversation, love finding things to intrigue me. Yet I cannot think of a single good way to make money, which is really frustrating because all my life I was told I was intelligent. I've known people who have started businesses or are in bands or fly fighter planes and I think to myself, I really wish I could be in that circle. I know I have the heart of a great person, but I can't seem to connect the dots between who I am inside and who I am outside.

I really like stories. I like well-made stories with lots of lore that make it feel real and characters that you get invested in. I would say that's the main thing I am interested in, I've always been a bookworm. But I can't think of any way to make a good amount of money doing something like that. Real-world things I tend not to be interested in as much. So that's been my biggest issue. I sometimes wonder, why couldn't I have been interested in something like engineering, computers, or law. Why couldn't I have been interested in something that actually makes money. But if I tried, any interest in those things would be fake. Those things just don't speak to me.

 

[Senamian]

Well, you could always attempt to write and publish your own books... I have gotten amazing reviews from many with my writings... But I am a proctrastinator Ironically I have all the time in the world currently (mat leave) but still haven't done one page.

I just want to be able to help with the household income, and have enough to stay above "debt" and save some away.

I think that is what a lot of us here want. At least. Minimum.

I prefer just going for a walk... Or heck, camping. Or something. But here everyone likes that disgraceful Old Cinema (WAS a live action cinema, now a sleezy dance bar and drug zone). Or spending tons on drinks. Or other... Stuff.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Yea, I mean, believe me I'd LOVE to be able to create something that is so good people would want to give me money for it. But I don't think the great works are made that way. For example, I don't think that George Lucas or J.K. Rowling sat down and said, "I'm going to write Star Wars or Harry Potter and make BILLIONS". That just happened because they made something so good that enough people loved it to give them money. I think they did it for the love of creating. The money just happened on its own.

Do I believe I could create something that good? Maybe. But it will take a long time. And even then, it might not be appreciated even if it was good. No one liked Van Gogh when he was alive. There's no sure way to tell what will work outside of hard scientific fields.

 

[panfruit]

Back in my teens I had discovered that: if I have money or drugs or transportation or be super-funny or can be any other way significantly useful, I could have friends. I won't stand for that crap anymore (and have been friendless since I enacted my 'dont use me' policy), but I did for many years. Having friends, being included, I found to be addictive, even though I was only a resource and not a real friend or peer.

 

[Marine_Vet_78]

I'm new here, so it's nice to see that at least a few people have responded.

As for careers and such, my main goal in life was to become a psychologist (with a PhD). I think I'd be a better philosopher, but for survival purposes, I sell my graphic art and web design skills until I can get my head together enough to go back to school.

I already know what I'd "like to do when I grow up", it's just that I'm not willing to jump through hoops and perform tricks for potential employers. I don't give a **** about the right way to write a resume. I don't care about how to comport myself in a job interview. I don't care about "impressing" people. I just need work, period. I don't care about a stupid company...nor do I want to be a team player. I couldn't care less about stepping up to some fast paced workaholic environment just to make a few dollars to throw around. I'm not a herd animal.

It's lonely being someone who refuses to conform to this commerce-driven hyper-capitalistic world we live in. I think my resume rocks (who doesn't?). I know what "they" want from me...but I don't think I should have to jump through hoops to get a job. I don't think ANYONE should have to bend over backwards and perform gymnastics just to get a job. Let one's work ethic show through in actual results. Who cares about what I "say" I'm good at. All an employer needs to know is what I've done after a few days. Dispense with all this fake b.s. of pretense and making good first impressions.

It's such an absurd and lonely world....BUT thanks for your responses!

 

[HappyYogi]

I really like this thread a lot. It brings up money and relationships. I appreciated all of your candor.

Here is what I have noticed: People do judge people on their careers/job/how they live, etc. Not all but a significant percentage will judge you on these things on how you are as a PERSON. I think men have it worse as they are expected to have a certain amount of success.

Many will judge unfortunately.

I have a girlfriend who has a great job in government. She will not date a man who doesn't have a great job. She onetime went out with a guy who was a writer and substitute teacher and she was disgusted. I asked her why. She said "it's flaky. Why doesn't he just become a teacher? Why write a second book when the first one didn't even sell!" She was truly annoyed by this date.

It was shocking for me to hear this as I am not like this at all. I love creative men! For as long as I can remember I've been attracted to a man's mind more than his pocketbook. I was shocked at my friends judgments...as I am not like this at all. If a man is a good man, intelligent, acts well, is making an effort to make a life, and is kind and we have something going on I will give him a chance. My friend would not...even though she was attracted to the writer, she cut it off immediately.

It also made me wonder how she was judging me as I am like this guy! (but I am female so perhaps it doesn't matter).

I share this to show that not all people care about what you earn. There are some (I wish I knew the percentage) who will associate with you even though you are broke. I have "broke" male friends and I appreciate/love them all the same. What matters to me is what is between the ears.

Here's another story. I recently had a thing for a guy. He is an illustrator, writer...just the thing that turns me on. I later found out he earned a paltry amount and was currently relying on his parents to make it (the guy is in his 40's!). He is trying, though. Did is stop me from wanting to know him? NO. It didn't. What did stop me was that I discovered a selfish streak in him that I didn't like. That is what made me doubt...not the income. So some of us women will give men like you a chance. As friends and lovers.

Gosh I am a bookish person as well. I would love to meet all of you guys!

 

[Badjedidude]

Do you live somewhere that isn't close to the woods?

All you need is an axe, a $.50 lighter, and a couple of friends... and you can find a secluded spot and have a bonfire. Those who can afford it could bring the booze.

My point is this:

There is always something that a person can do with their friends. And if the friends don't think fun is possible without money, then... why the fresia are they your friends?

 

[Hearmenow2012]

You're better off without people that only want to hang out with you when you've got money. You deserve better than that. I can relate to some of the things that you have written so I hope that things turn around for you. I hope that you are able to find what you're looking for.

 

[Nicolelt]

There is always something that a person can do with their friends. And if the friends don't think fun is possible without money, then... why the fresia are they your friends?

Mhmmmm. My best friend and I have had money problems at different times in our lives. When she is broke and I want to do something, guess what, I pay for her stuff. She has done the same for me. I think when it comes to money, friendship is just like a relationship, if that is the reason they are with you they are fake with a capital F!

And there is free stuff you can do with friends, especially if you are dork like my bff and myself. We spent an hour at hallmark once reading funny cards and cracking up. I am personally a proud broke person, and I have came up with lots of fun cheap/free stuff to do with my friends or on my own.

 

[sk66rc]

Money isn't everything but it does play a major role in life... I understand the "romantic notion" about how all we need is love... I've seen so many homes, marriages, friendships & relationships break apart due to lack of money, or financial issues... Don't get me wrong... I've also known people who survived through it all as well... My friend & I used to hang out at a restaurant/bar every Wednesday playing poker... Nothing serious, just a free game & if I happened to win, I'd end up with gift card to the restaurant/bar... If not, we'd had fun... We would have 2 - 3 beers, throwing chips around, talking about how the week went... We met a lotta people there... That's where I met 2 of the closest friends... I haven't been there for over a year now & only people stayed in contact with me were 3 people... Well, 1 buddy I've known since high school... 4 of us would just sit around with cup of coffee & a bag of cookies & spend hours talking about anything & everything... Friendship just any other relationship is work... People involved have to be willing to put some effort into it or it won't work...

 

[angel_in_view]

I can definitely relate and what the previous poster said is true...there's always something to do if that person thinks of you as a friend. However, in MY experience over the years, I think sometimes people tend to put you into different "friendship slots." Sometimes I think it may/may not be intentional. For example, I was really good friends w/someone a few years ago. We talked on the phone, texted back & forth daily & went out for lunch once a week. Once I lost my job & had to adjust to only having one income, things became strained between us. She knew what I was going through & understood that I couldn't go out w/her like I used to. We ended up having lunch once a month and it just wasn't the same. It finally fizzled into not seeing her for activities at all. I was shocked because I didn't think stuff would change. It defintely let me know that our friendship wasn't as strong as I thought..and that really hurt. In my mind, I never thought income changes would affect a friendship, but it did. She does lunch and events w/others now. We're still friends, BUT its more of a "we catch up w/eachother when we see eachother out somewhere" friendship. We don't make plans for anything, bc I think we both know that it would just be a waste of breath. --- That's what I mean by slots. People tend have friends for different things: "this is my shopping friend" "this is my lunch/dinner friend" "this is my ballgame/concert friend" "this is my church friend" "this is my walking/exercise friend," etc. If you are not used to that, it feels very weird and it takes time to get used to it. I have a friend who puts me and my hubby into a certain slot. We are her "married, dinner @ home, sitting out on the deck" friends. She is a big time partier and drinker and she doesn't even THINK to consider us when it comes to that. I laughed and told her one time that I know she thinks we're boring, but oh well...so be it.

 

[Lowlander]

Yeah, I know all about it. My closest friend is like .. poor. But do I care? Nope. It often depends on the people. Really good-hearted people don't care whether you are rich, poor, or average.

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

...
I gained weight after getting out of the military over a decade ago.

My "mind" is busy though. I'm a "philosopher" type. I'm one of those "introverted" people who can act extroverted at times. I'm good with people, but I hate most of them and I'm liable to lash out when necessary. I don't put up with bullshit anymore...which really means I don't work that well with people because I'm so...socially awkward.

Being "different" sucks. But being poor sucks even worse. When you're poor, no one cares. No one wants to help. They see you as a burden on society and they say it's all "my" fault. Well, it's not. I've been trying to find work as a Web Designer. I'm an excellent graphic artist and web designer, but no one cares. Alas, I find myself, alone, so utterly alone! Can anyone relate to this? OR is everyone here "well-to-do?" I hope I'm not the only non-yuppie / non-rich person here.

Hi. Same here. Jobcentre says I have no skills.
Eradicate the people preoccupied only by their devices and honeysuckle from your life. They're scum, trust me. They wouldn't think twice about stabbing you in the back, if it served their interests.
It's like with women: it is better to be alone than to be surrounded by the wrong people.
And always HELP YOURSELF.
You have no money now ? Use your discipline acquired in the army and live with less money until you get a job (ANY job at first) and you get some money.
Friends ? That's a tough one. I have found that you can't make friends when you want to, or because you want to. It happens, or it doesn't. Exactly like with women. It's the natural way.
DO NOT interact with yuppies - they'll throw you under the bus in a microsecond.