Bitter

[Melancholy]

I am sick of people mistreating me and then abandoning me. First my mother, then my friend, then my step mother, then my recent friend, and I feel like everyone is just going to leave eventually. It is making me hate everyone. I am becoming more and more bitter day by day. It makes me just want to find someone and mistreat them. I get in arguments with people and I lose at some and conquer others. The ones I lose though, I don't take very well. I am not happy right now, I feel like I am going to vomit and I feel like I wouldn't be the way I am if people didn't do the things they did.

So , I guess in short: [undefined=undefined]How do I become a less bitter person?[/undefined] It can't be healthy to hate so much. I have had hatred since I was a young kid and it is just snowballing into a problem, maybe.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Everyone probably will leave eventually. Nothing is promised to us. If that's what you consider mistreating, I don't know what tell you... Nothing lasts forever. And doing negative things to people isn't going to solve anything for you. It may make you feel better for a short while, but it won't solve whatever issues you have. But life makes us who we are for a reason... We go through things for a reason... Things make us a certain way for a reason.

 

[LoneKiller]

Everyone probably will leave eventually. Nothing is promised to us. If that's what you consider mistreating, I don't know what tell you... Nothing lasts forever. And doing negative things to people isn't going to solve anything for you. It may make you feel better for a short while, but it won't solve whatever issues you have. But life makes us who we are for a reason... We go through things for a reason... Things make us a certain way for a reason.

I feel the same.

 

[potato]

I have similar resentments.

Trust me, you don't want to become the product of what others have done to you. There is no satisfaction to come from projecting your pain onto others. Breeds toxic cycles; make the decision to have it end with you. Otherwise, allowing them to have that kind of power over you will ultimately only harm you in the end.

I think the key is to forgive and find peace, somehow. I'm not sure.

If you figure it all out, come back and tell me how. I am still hashing out inner-demons from the past.

edit: And in response to arguing... Choose your battles very wisely. The kind that calls you to action. Nonsensical bickering/arguing hardly does anyone favors.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I feel like that sometimes too... I feel like it's my fault.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

I am sick of people mistreating me and then abandoning me. First my mother, then my friend, then my step mother, then my recent friend, and I feel like everyone is just going to leave eventually.

The posts below this talk about how nothing is permanent. I don't think this is the issue though.

From my own experience, we moved around alot, and yes that did suck, but I didn't get the feeling of abandonment from that. Instead, because it did however make me crave people more when I could meet them, I'd end up falling for people who would treat me "nice" (in other words, act nice, but be essentially unavailable) only to suddenly decide they wanted to leave me if I actually got to like them. This was the best case, in many instances, I've run across people who are manipulative, and treat you like garbage if you don't fit in.

I was in a web forum (Hidden Street), for about four or so years trying to make friends, and of course going about it the wrong way. I'm not going to demonize them or anything, since much of it was my fault (I can be hyper and/or obnoxious). But I could've done better in my choice. Anyway, at some point, rather than blaming it on the people who do this to you, sometimes it's better to say "I can choose better friends (maybe not family) than this."

 

[The_Old_Soul]

I'm extremely bitter, I just can't let things go...I can repeat word for word offensive things that were said to me 15 years ago. Over time it all seems to snowball and come out from time to time when someone rubs me the wrong way. I wish I could just let it all go...after all, allowing people to get to me is allowing them to win, and that's exactly what they want, they want a reaction.

As far as people leaving...every single person on this earth is afraid of it in varying degrees. It seems like some people are plagued by it more than others. It's almost like the more you are afraid of people leaving, they pick up on it and drives them away. I'm not saying this is your case, but I've known people who seemiingly lose more people in their lives as they become increasingly afraid of losing them. Maybe they are unknowingly pushing them away by trying so hard to keep them?

If you look at life like you are going to eventually lose everyone anyway, then it's kinda of like saying why bother bettering myself or getting ahead in life because I'm just going to die one day anyway. Everyone and everything is temporary, relationships, material things, money, health...they are all going to leave eventually. You know what though, it's a long ride, so why not try to take it all in and make the best of it while you have it. Eventually if you keep you heart and mind open to the idea of people who love you and care about you, want to be part of your life, you will find people who stay in your life.

I hope that all made sense...it did in my head, but when I put my thoughts into writing they end up sounding like long-winded fortune cookies.

 

[HumanZ]

Bitter is so unpleasant feeling, I know that too. I'm a very relentless person and to me, all the adversities I face are extremely hard to deal with.

I turned bitter when my girlfriend left me. It crushed my life. Little by little I started to get over with it but then a friend of mine told me some very devious and unfair things that had happened during my relationship. I felt enormous bitter, anger and sadness all the time. It brought to my mind many very "unacceptable" and bad things I wanted to do (not to myself atleast). I wanted to revense. I wanted to hurt some specific people.

But then I noticed I was making myself more bitter and sad all the time. Then I just wanted to forget everything and get over with it. Now I'm pretty fine with all this honeysuckle happened to me. I haven't forgiven anyone and I still hope some "moral justice" happened for me but the best way is just trying to forget everything and give yourself time. Of course this doesn't work with all cases but with me, I've started to get my life spirit back.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Melancholy, I probably wouldn't know the hurt you feel. But thought I'd drop a line and give you a cyber hug. *HUGS*
Please take care.

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with potato-let the cycle end with you. Maybe some of these people who have hurt you have in turn been hurt themselves and have passed on their pain to you. Be bigger than they are and don't do the same thing to others. I know this is easier said than done, as I often ruminate over things people have done and said to me, but it would be best if you could try to let the cycle end with you.

 

[ardour]

Everyone probably will leave eventually.

What kind of answer is that?? Not much reason to bother being their for anyone else if you believe that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Everyone probably will leave eventually.

What kind of answer is that?? Not much reason to bother being their for anyone else if you believe that.

I know this is late, because I haven't been around... But, it's not an answer. I have no answers for other people's problems. But it's true. People don't stay with you forever, and if they do, it's a very rare, special occasion. Things don't last forever, and I think that a lot of people kid themselves on that.

That being said, that doesn't mean that you can't be there for someone. And it doesn't mean that there can't be a strong bond with someone. I've had strong bonds with people for a short time, and I have long-lasting bonds. Those two things don't coincide.

 

[ardour]

Okay so I guess you don't believe in marriage vows, or sticking by family. Sounds like defeatism.

As for friends, there's a group from my school still going strong and that's 15 years ago.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Okay so I guess you don't believe in marriage vows, or sticking by family. Sounds like defeatism.

As for friends, there's a group from my school still going strong and that's 15 years ago.

You assume what I believe in because I refuse to believe in an everlasting fantasy. So, I'll set it straight...

Actually, no, I don't believe in marriage. Don't care for it. Would never get married.

Sticking by family? Okay, so if you don't count a 16 year old taking on the tasks of managing a household and caring for her mom and dad when they fell ill, and took care of her mother for nearly 7 years... No, that's not sticking by family members at all.

It doesn't sound like defeatism, because nothing in this world can overcome my will and strength to survive. You have no idea what I've been through. I wasn't going to get silly with it, but you decided to make it personal because you want assume that you know all about me by two posts I've made that you disagree with.

And don't even talk about friendships to me, because I still talk to a friend I've had since I was in the second grade... Since I was 6, me and this girl have been close, and I'm 24 now. So don't tell me anything about it.

 

[ardour]

My fault, didn't mean to personalise it like that. "sticking by family" was a poor choice of words there.

I was trying to say that blood relatives often do stick by each other for life. It's not that rare.
Half of marriages end in divorce, but that leaves half that don't.
So I didn't agree with your statement regarding the inevitability of almost all relationships ending. Unless you count death as ending...

People don't stay with you forever, and if they do, it's a very rare, special occasion. Things don't last forever, and I think that a lot of people kid themselves on that.

 

[Drew88]

Bitterness sucks

 

[bulmabriefs144]

Everyone probably will leave eventually.

What kind of answer is that?? Not much reason to bother being their for anyone else if you believe that.

I know this is late, because I haven't been around... But, it's not an answer. I have no answers for other people's problems. But it's true. People don't stay with you forever, and if they do, it's a very rare, special occasion. Things don't last forever, and I think that a lot of people kid themselves on that.

That being said, that doesn't mean that you can't be there for someone. And it doesn't mean that there can't be a strong bond with someone. I've had strong bonds with people for a short time, and I have long-lasting bonds. Those two things don't coincide.

It's precisely because people aren't there forever that you are presented with two options:

(1) Despair of having any meaningful contact with anyone.
(2) Make the most of things with the time you've got.

Btw, that statistic about 1/2 marriages ending in divorce is phony. It's propped up by Hollywood films (they'd like people to think that, because they've an axe or two to grind).

Someone missed a few decimal places. http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate

That's 4.95 per 1000 people of 0.495%. NOT 49.5% or half. Now, we do have the highest incidence of any country. And of that 1000, that's between two people (meaning it's really 1% or out 500), and some of them have it happen multiple times. So, yes, we could say instead of 5 of 1000 (1 in 200), let's say 1 in 50 (2%) of marriages end in divorce. Now this is likely per yer, so this really works out to 20% of marriages failing, usually failing within 10 years. Usually, by that point, you tend to stick around anyway, so this doesn't continue as projected.

The other problem with this percentage is that it's incomplete probability. You've seen those scratcher cards from the lottery. They have a flat projected chance of winning the jackpot, and a flat chance of winning the price of the ticket, and a flat chance of winning $1. But besides raw probability, there is also the factor of choice. A scratcher has more options than you have to scratch, meaning you could conceivably have the winning card but have scratched the wrong options (there's also the option of the scratcher not actually being winnable due to defective design). This represents an +/- offset to probability, if you don't scratch randomly, you pick certain ones. Now, apply this to marriage. If you did all the right (or wrong) things, this represents the offset to the percent.

You are responsible for your marriage, not the fact that 50% of marriages fail.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's precisely because people aren't there forever that you are presented with two options:

(1) Despair of having any meaningful contact with anyone.
(2) Make the most of things with the time you've got.

I pick the second option to that. I always try to make the most out of any situation, whether they're intended to be permanent or temporary. Long-lasting doesn't mean forever. Nothing last forever, so make the most of it while you can. I never thought I'd never have my dad, but he died almost a year ago. It's real, and he's not going to magically come back because I really thought I'd always have him. Last time I saw him - although I wish now we'd seen each other more towards the end - I made the most of it. I made sure he was completely comfortable to the best of my ability.