Blown Oppurtunities

[just alex]

I'm sure there are some of you out there that have had that once-in-a-lifetime moment come up that has potential to reshape your entire life. That one opportunity to talk to a person you have strong feelings for but are just too scared to approach them directly. Well I had one of those moments just the other day... and I blew it.

I should probably preface this by saying that I'm 23, attending college, and have basically no social life. I've never had a girlfriend and I also still live with my parents, which makes me feel like an even bigger loser then the fact that I have no friends. I just can't talk to people, even when they engage me in a conversation first. It hurts because I want to talk so badly but the overwhelming amount of fear I experience stonewalls me from being able to say anything more then mumbled words.

Anyways, I've been taking classes at my college for close to 2 years now. From time to time I've had crushes on other girls that were in my classes but, as stated before, I never had the courage to talk to them. Not to mention they never seem to acknowledge my presence in the first place. But in one of my most recent classes there is a girl I sit right behind that has managed to completely turn my life upside down. I've never had such powerful feelings for someone before her.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking. "you don't know the first thing about this girl." And you're right, I only really know her name, but she is so god **** beautiful and she seems really smart. Its intimidating really. But she also seems kind of shy like me. I always see her waiting in the hallway outside another classroom after this class, and she's never talking to anyone. She always has her head in her notebook, listening to her Ipod as if she's trying to avoid talking to the other people waiting outside that classroom. Maybe I'm just looking to much into it, but at the same time that's exactly the same kind of thing I do.

One of the first days of the class I actually got the chance to talk to her. The class was split up into groups of 4, and I was in her group. We looked at each other in the eyes only for a brief moment but I smiled and looked away, and she kind of smiled and did the same thing. Anyways we didn't really talk much but I managed to say something kind of stupid that I'm still kicking myself in the ass for. I don't think she seemed to pay it much mind though. After that I never really talked to her again. In fact, the next couple weeks I couldn't even bring myself to look up at her when she came into class. I was just too afraid.

But yesterday I had the absolute perfect opportunity to actually be one on one with her. It was another group thing, but this time the class was told to get in groups of two when we get to a computer lab that was on the other side of the building. I thought to myself, "This is my chance!" and I was actually excited, not nervous for once! As the class got up to head to the lab, I got up and kind of moved slowly so that she could stay ahead of me. I stopped for a second so she could get past me but she kind of refused to move as well. It was an awkward moment but I went ahead and she was right behind me practically the whole time we were heading to the Lab.

When we got to the computer lab she sat down in the middle row at the far side of the room, but she sat down at the second to last computer in the row. It was like she wanted someone to sit with her. Maybe she was even hoping I would sit with her. But I didn't... Being the scared wimp that I am, I just walked past her and sat down in the row behind her. And sure enough, another guy came up to her and they partnered up.

At that moment I just lost it. I began to shut down and I couldn't even function. I remember thinking of Hiro (the teleporting/time traveling protagonist from the show Heroes) and wishing so badly that I could scrunch up my face and reverse time like him so that I could get another chance to sit with her. But I can't. And she looked content being with the guy that sat with her. That guy could have been me but I blew it

Even if I had sat down with her and found out that she wasn't the kind of person I thought she was, it still would have been a hell of a lot better then having to live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't even have the balls to find out. What is wrong with me? I mean, even animals are smart enough to know not to touch something that hurts them after several times, but I keep managing to make myself miserable by failing to act. And it isn't like this is the first time I've messed up in that regard, but because of how I felt about this girl, it just tore me up inside and I haven't been able to shake that pain in my gut. The pain of missing an opportunity of a life-time.

Now I'm afraid that the next class she's going to start sitting by this other guy in the normal classroom. And even if she doesn't, if I couldn't face her with an opportunity like that, how will I ever be able to do so? I feel lost and helpless. It seems like this is a common theme in my life and I wonder if I'll ever be able to get past this. Anyway that's my story as miserable as it is. Sorry about the length of this post but I just had to get this out there. Too much of my life I've spent alone and this girl is the first person that's actually made me want to change who I am, I'm just afraid that I don't have what it takes to do it. Has anyone else gone through something similar to this? Does anyone know how I can work up the courage to talk to her? Please, I'm desperate...

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I'm not expert on the matter as I'm quite like yourself in some respects, but it doesn't seem like it's over until you don't have a chance to talk to her again. Just find it in yourself to be willing to be a complete fool. If she's a decent person she'll respect that even if she turns down your advances. And then you'll know for sure, won't you?

Ask her out to lunch? Coffee? Maybe she'll say yes, maybe not. Seems like you know what you have to do, but no one is or can do it for you. Don't wait around, though, that makes it harder. Just because you missed a rebound opportunity in the first quarter doesn't mean you can't make a comeback later in the game...

The Chicago black hawks completely turned the game around in 2013... I mean anyone with a head on their shoulders would have bet the other team to win, but at the last second, they fuckin' took back the game...

And that's an analogy of course. Maybe you won't get a turn around, maybe you'll think about it over and over and never get beyond the fear and you will miss the opportunity... You won't see her again...

But maybe, you'll take a fuckin' dive, be willing to make a complete fool of yourself, put a few chips on the table and take a gamble, and maybe, just maybe, it'll pay off. And if you do, like I said, not only may she respect you for it and be flattered, but you'll respect yourself. And you'll be that much more prepared the next time an opportunity comes around.

So if the game isn't over, don't give up...

 

[just alex]

I'm not expert on the matter as I'm quite like yourself in some respects, but it doesn't seem like it's over until you don't have a chance to talk to her again. Just find it in yourself to be willing to be a complete fool. If she's a decent person she'll respect that even if she turns down your advances. And then you'll know for sure, won't you?

Ask her out to lunch? Coffee? Maybe she'll say yes, maybe not. Seems like you know what you have to do, but no one is or can do it for you. Don't wait around, though, that makes it harder. Just because you missed a rebound opportunity in the first quarter doesn't mean you can't make a comeback later in the game...

The Chicago black hawks completely turned the game around in 2013... I mean anyone with a head on their shoulders would have bet the other team to win, but at the last second, they fuckin' took back the game...

And that's an analogy of course. Maybe you won't get a turn around, maybe you'll think about it over and over and never get beyond the fear and you will miss the opportunity... You won't see her again...

But maybe, you'll take a fuckin' dive, be willing to make a complete fool of yourself, put a few chips on the table and take a gamble, and maybe, just maybe, it'll pay off. And if you do, like I said, not only may she respect you for it and be flattered, but you'll respect yourself. And you'll be that much more prepared the next time an opportunity comes around.

So if the game isn't over, don't give up...

I appreciate what you've said its really made me feel better, and I think that Black Hawks analogy is perfect! It made me think about the Broncos in the last super bowl. They messed up on that first play and it's possible that's what lost them the game, but at least they got to the super bowl, you know? Win or lose (and it was a pretty bad loss lol) they tried and that's what counts. They may not be able to say that they won the super bowl, but they got there. My whole life I've felt like I just quit before the game even starts because I'm too afraid to lose, but there are worse things then losing, and there are worse things then making yourself look stupid. I think I'm starting to see that now. I mean, we're only half way through the semester so I don't really know why I act like my world is coming to an end. And I've seen other posts on this site that touch base on way more important issues then my little problem, but again I wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond to my long winded post. It'll take some time, and probably a lot of moxie on my part, but I'm not going to give up.

 

[bender22]

I know what it's like to blow opportunities like that. It's a horrible feeling knowing you could've let something go. You're definitely not unusual though, there are so many guys who waste opportunities like that because they can't summon the courage to talk to girls (including myself most of the time).

Luckily for you, it sounds like you will have plenty of chances in the future to see this girl so it's not over yet!

I would suggest next time you have a class with this girl, try making eye contact with her. Don't look away as soon as you make eye contact, try to hold eye contact with her for at least 5 seconds. Bonus points if you smile at her as well. Firstly, this will give you a better indication of whether she's interested in you. If she holds eye contact and smiles, that's pretty much a green light to go talk to her. Or if she looks away and smiles to herself, go talk to her.

If you do that a couple of times it will probably feel a lot easier to approach her and she is likely to be more receptive when you do talk to her.

A few weeks ago I was on vacation and I was at a hotel getting some food and drinks. I saw a girl sitting at another table with her parents and I thought she looked beautiful. As soon as I saw her we made eye contact for about 3-5 seconds and I smiled at her. After I'd sat down I kept looking over to her and we made eye contact again a few more times. I got up to get some food and she actually came over to get food as well. I have no doubt she wouldn't have come over if we hadn't made eye contact already. I knew there was a good chance she was there hoping I would talk to her so that made it a lot easier for me to strike up a convo. When I did speak to her it was like we already knew each other. She turned out to be one of the best girls I've met in a long time. Unfortunately she doesn't live anywhere near me but we're still in contact.

Anyway, point of the story is eye contact is a very powerful tool. If I hadn't made eye contact with that girl I probably would've missed out on meeting an amazing person. So use it to your advantage!