Body Image (and fitness)

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'd post some pics, but I'd like to stay relatively anonymous so I'll do my best to describe everything with words (in a non-erotic fashion, sorry ladies )

I've got this really awful downer on my body image, or rather what I think other people will think of it. I think it's one of the biggest things that puts me off getting a girlfriend actually.

I used to be quite heavily overweight. I matured physically later in my teens rather than earlier, so I didn't really get that male aggressive drive to exercise until recently.

For about 8 months now, I've been working really hard to get fit. I don't own a gym membership (there are not any nearby), but every day I've been doing weights, pushups, situps and then a 20km bike ride (exercycle, the roads near my house are terrible for cycling :rolleyes2: ). I also cut out a lot of junk food.

As a result, I've dropped a couple of stone, possibly even more. The weights and cycling have really bulked up my arm and leg muscles and my arms in particular are quite athletic and strong.

The situps have defined my abs quite a bit too. I have sort of the vertical lines and rib outline you get with the beginnings of a six-pack, though I still want to drop another stone or so in weight to bring the rest out out.

So why am I convinced I look horrendous?

I look in the mirror, and I just think "Eww, who's ever going to want to cuddle with that?"

There is still stomach fat that is stubborn and going away slowly, which is easily my least attractive part physically. I also have this big scar across my stomach that isn't pretty. But overall, I feel like my own mind is so critical compared to what's actually lacking there.

Perhaps it's because girls used to pick on my appearance? I don't know.

I just have the feeling that if I ever showed my body to any female, she'd burst out laughing. It's borderline irrational, but an unpleasant mental loop regardless

Has anyone else ever had anything like this? Or any ideas what's causing it to be such an issue for me?

 

[Ak5]

As a result, I've dropped a couple of stone, possibly even more. The weights and cycling have really bulked up my arm and leg muscles and my arms in particular are quite athletic and strong.

The situps have defined my abs quite a bit too. I have sort of the vertical lines and rib outline you get with the beginnings of a six-pack, though I still want to drop another stone or so in weight to bring the rest out out.

So why am I convinced I look horrendous?

I look in the mirror, and I just think "Eww, who's ever going to want to cuddle with that?"

There is still stomach fat that is stubborn and going away slowly, which is easily my least attractive part physically. I also have this big scar across my stomach that isn't pretty. But overall, I feel like my own mind is so critical compared to what's actually lacking there.

I just have the feeling that if I ever showed my body to any female, she'd burst out laughing. It's borderline irrational, but an unpleasant mental loop regardless

This explains me and my problems! You and I are very much alike.

I've been working and dieting since January. Since June-July I've been focusing more on weight training. I'm starting to see my arms and legs muscle and my stomach is starting to look toned. Although I still have some fat on my pecs and abs. I ******* hate that..

Since we both have it, I think its normal... With more time and more exercise I'm sure it'll go away. The more ab exercises I do the more toned I see my stomach area (duh!). I think its just "loose skin" that needs to tighten up.

Keep working out, I'm sure those girls will start noticing you

 

[AFrozenSoul]

It sounds like you have a pretty set routine of exercises that you do. How about changing up your routine? Also you may want to change your diet as well. The human body starts to adapt to whatever is around it. So having a wide variety of stuff to do will keep you from hitting those platueas.

My gut is starting to vanish little by little. Depending upon how I sit on my couch my kitty gives me angry looks because her favorite pillow is missing. Remember, you may have some extra skin if you recently lost a lot of weight. Putting on some muscle will help stretch that out. Putting on some muscle will also help you burn even more calories.

I know exactly how you feel about looking in the mirror and thinking ewww... however, now that I no longer have a fold in my gut I feel better. I also LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE my stretch marks . I look like a sexy tiger because of them

Keep up the good work. You have made it this far, there is no reason for you to quit.

 

[Lollipop286]

I look in the mirror......

I wish my eyes weren't as squinty, that my forehead wasn't as big, my nose wasn't as weird looking, as well as my lips, my cheeks weren't so...welll...cheeky, that my fingers weren't as pudgy, that I was smaller, that I was taller. I could go on and on, but the point of my post is, I know how you feel I guess.

You're going to feel that you're ugly until you figure out that you have changed. Fat people who become skinny, will see themselves as fat still for the longest time because they can't just imagine being smaller and don't see it when they look at themselves. In the end though, you probably don't look bad at all.

Keep working at it, remember we are our own worst judges. We're too critical and harsh.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Keep working at it, remember we are our own worst judges. We're too critical and harsh.

Thanks Sterling, that cheered me up considerably! Very true I think, it's easy to put oneself down all the time.

AFrozen Soul, I laughed when you mentioned your cat lacking the pillow. My dog has also started looking at my torso with a mix of puzzlement and frustration

AK, +1 to the frustration at those little fat remnants. I have them on my chest muscles and abs too, as well as some leftover on my arms that sort of sneakily hides the progress on my biceps until I tense them >_<

The abs are just weird. I've seen skinny guys walking around shirtless over the summer, and my abs are actually a lot better than theirs. But then I have this belly that's slowly melting over the top. So it's like I'm in this unholy middle ground between "muscly" and "flab lump"

As for girls being interested...well, they sort of are every now and then, which is kind of half of the frustration.

I've had a couple of ladies prodding at my arms experimentally or finding excuses to try and touch them, but then it boils down to my irrational "OMG, I must not let them see the rest of me!" fears and I fail at responding in any meaningful way

The only hug a girl's ever "properly" given me was years ago, and apparently an issue of mistaken identity. She just suddenly hugged me as I walked down a corridor, shortly afterwards let go, gave me a dirty look and started making a huge deal of it to her friends ("EWWWW!", etc.) who found it hilarious.

I just have the feeling every lady is going to be like that pretty much. Even if they're acting completely to the contrary. It's so dumb

 

[Equinox]

I look in the mirror, and I just think "Eww, who's ever going to want to cuddle with that?"

That pretty much sums up my own thoughts whenever I fail at dodging a mirror. Still, for some strange reason, friends tell me I'm cute. I explain this with "they're my friends, they're just being nice" or "they're obviously crazy or just determined to ignore all my flaws because they like me". But it's true what Sterling said; I am my own worst critic. My therapist says so, too.

The problem isn't fixed by knowing this, hower. So okay, fine, let's say I'm not as disgusting as I think; it still doesn't change my opinion and feelings towards my appearance. It's like my brain and my feelings aren't communicating. Rationally, I know I'm exaggerating, but I still loathe what I see in the mirror.

So you're not alone in this, and you're probably not the worst one, either.

And by the way; scars are hot.

 

[gypsytrip]

I explain this with "they're my friends, they're just being nice" or "they're obviously crazy or just determined to ignore all my flaws because they like me".

Oh how right you all are

I hate how when I put myself down, people say I don't see myself clearly. It used to make me so mad. "How does that make any sense. I have eyes and I own mirrors. I can see my flaws perfectly fine thank you very much!"

Very rarely can I completely be myself around men, because the whole time I'll be obsessing about the flaws they're probably noticing. The only reason I had the guts to talk to the guy I'm dating is that I was drinking the first time I spoke to him!!

When my girlfriends compliment me, it doesn't register, because I know girls will say anything to their friends to be nice, seeing as I do the same hehe. And it ultimately makes no real difference how many guys hit on me or tell me I'm beautiful. Even my boyfriend can tell me I'm amazing and although I'll get little flutteries in my stomach at that moment, I still won't believe it.

One of the hardest things is learning to love yourself and think you're hot stuff no matter what!

And by the way; scars are hot.

Soooooo true

 

[IgnoredOne]

I should work out more. Your drive is inspiring, TSM!

 

[Sci-Fi]

The gut is always the hardest to get rid of and last to go so don't worry about it. I believe scars create character and give you a story to tell. Plus it might make you look like a bad ass to the ladies.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I should work out more. Your drive is inspiring, TSM!

Thanks IgnoredOne

I used to hate exercise, but I really enjoy it now. It's weird how it changes, but it's no longer a chore.

The gut is always the hardest to get rid of and last to go so don't worry about it. I believe scars create character and give you a story to tell. Plus it might make you look like a bad ass to the ladies.

Cheers Sci-Fi.

I doubt the scar looks badass but I'll try to imagine it does, just as I imagine I have self confidence

 

[Equinox]

I like to think that the scars from my cholecystectomy is my most attractive feature.

 

[Braxton]

Thanks to share with us this useful information,
feel good to read that this post, hope i should apply these
good things on me , thanks.

 

[Naleena]

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