VanillaCreme
Well-known member
If anyone is going to post their opinion about mental illness, at least be tactful about it. It's not really an issue to poke fun at. So everyone mind your manners about it.
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
E
eris
Guest
Also , I just want to say I don't think it's weird or wrong to believe in aliens or witchcraft. I was just saying that people with that particular disorder tend take such beliefs to weird levels.
In response to eris' original post.
Hi, my name's Matt. I'm 25 and I have bpd. I grew up with a mom that had paranoid schizophrenia, my dad left when I was 2. when I was 5 my mom met my stepdad, from the time I was 5 to 12 my life was an unstable mess of visiting my mom at the psych ward, living with my stepdad, living with my grandmom, changing schools. by the time I was 12 I had never finished a full year of school in one school. I lost my virginity to my cousin when I was 13 and she was 12. Our family caught us together and we never saw each other again after that. I still have vivid, horrible memories from when I was 4-5 years old. My mom used to restrain me violently in a wicker rocking chair to get me to sleep, she would push my head down into the wooden armrails until I was asleep no matter how hard I begged her to let me up. I had to pretend I was asleep so she would move me to the bed, but if she found out I was faking, she would take me back to the chair. She took me to swimming lessons and handed me over to the lady who was going to drown me (what i thought), and from other times when I got off the bus from kindergarden and she wasn't home and i was alone in a strange town with no one to help me. I was 5 and no one did. my mom came home one day after I punched through a window to get into the house. I was so happy to see her. All she did was yell at me for breaking the glass, and tell me my stepfather would deal with me when he got home. These are memories from when i was 5. These are as vivid to me now as they were then. When I was 14, I started to think the world wasn't real, that I was evil, that I was worthless. and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop these feelings. They were so overpowering, they never went away, even when I was around other people, they would still be there no matter what. and I can't put into words how horrible these feelings were, to someone who doesn't have bpd. but someone who does I know understands the "unnamed feeling". I later came to the realization that this was the onset of my borderline symptoms. I wish I could go back then and just talk to someone about everything, because that's all I ever needed. If I did that back then, I know I would be better than I am today. anyways, my mom died when I was 17, my real dad contacted me after she died but he turned out to be a ********* who just wanted to stop paying child support for the last year before I turned 18. from that point till now my life has been extremely unstable and depressing, partly I think because I never reached out for help until I was 22, or even admitted anything might be wrong, even though I always knew something was really wrong. I used to punch myself in the eye, stick myself in the ribs with metal poles, I cut my girlfriend's name in my arm to show her how much I loved her, then after we had an argument, I cut her name out of my arm to show her how much I hated her. I can't control myself. I have a violent temper, but I've never taken it out on someone else, only objects, breaking my own and other people's things, which i then have to replace, and cutting or hurting myself to stop the pain. When i meet someone new it's like I make them my whole world, until I start to feel like they don't feel the same about me, then I start to resent them, and the relationship starts to come undone.
I've been into drugs, I've snorted coke and heroin, smoked crack, done every pill you can think of, and smoke weed like most people smoke tobacco. This time last year I was making $70,000 a year, with my own car, place, etc. I lost that job because of a personal issue with my boss that I completely over-reacted to, and got myself fired for. Now I'm making half what i was, lost my car, and don't have a place to stay. At least I have another job and I'm starting to improve things.
If you think you have bpd, you need to see someone. The earlier you do, the better off you will be in the long-run. You can't do it on your own, no borderline can. Also, if you are someone on this post that thinks bpd and other mental illnesses are fake, made-up by the drug companies, than you shouldn't be reading this post. You have no idea, and can never understand the amount of pain a borderline experiences every second of every day. So don't try to.
Hi, my name's Matt. I'm 25 and I have bpd. I grew up with a mom that had paranoid schizophrenia, my dad left when I was 2. when I was 5 my mom met my stepdad, from the time I was 5 to 12 my life was an unstable mess of visiting my mom at the psych ward, living with my stepdad, living with my grandmom, changing schools. by the time I was 12 I had never finished a full year of school in one school. I lost my virginity to my cousin when I was 13 and she was 12. Our family caught us together and we never saw each other again after that. I still have vivid, horrible memories from when I was 4-5 years old. My mom used to restrain me violently in a wicker rocking chair to get me to sleep, she would push my head down into the wooden armrails until I was asleep no matter how hard I begged her to let me up. I had to pretend I was asleep so she would move me to the bed, but if she found out I was faking, she would take me back to the chair. She took me to swimming lessons and handed me over to the lady who was going to drown me (what i thought), and from other times when I got off the bus from kindergarden and she wasn't home and i was alone in a strange town with no one to help me. I was 5 and no one did. my mom came home one day after I punched through a window to get into the house. I was so happy to see her. All she did was yell at me for breaking the glass, and tell me my stepfather would deal with me when he got home. These are memories from when i was 5. These are as vivid to me now as they were then. When I was 14, I started to think the world wasn't real, that I was evil, that I was worthless. and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop these feelings. They were so overpowering, they never went away, even when I was around other people, they would still be there no matter what. and I can't put into words how horrible these feelings were, to someone who doesn't have bpd. but someone who does I know understands the "unnamed feeling". I later came to the realization that this was the onset of my borderline symptoms. I wish I could go back then and just talk to someone about everything, because that's all I ever needed. If I did that back then, I know I would be better than I am today. anyways, my mom died when I was 17, my real dad contacted me after she died but he turned out to be a ********* who just wanted to stop paying child support for the last year before I turned 18. from that point till now my life has been extremely unstable and depressing, partly I think because I never reached out for help until I was 22, or even admitted anything might be wrong, even though I always knew something was really wrong. I used to punch myself in the eye, stick myself in the ribs with metal poles, I cut my girlfriend's name in my arm to show her how much I loved her, then after we had an argument, I cut her name out of my arm to show her how much I hated her. I can't control myself. I have a violent temper, but I've never taken it out on someone else, only objects, breaking my own and other people's things, which i then have to replace, and cutting or hurting myself to stop the pain. When i meet someone new it's like I make them my whole world, until I start to feel like they don't feel the same about me, then I start to resent them, and the relationship starts to come undone.
I've been into drugs, I've snorted coke and heroin, smoked crack, done every pill you can think of, and smoke weed like most people smoke tobacco. This time last year I was making $70,000 a year, with my own car, place, etc. I lost that job because of a personal issue with my boss that I completely over-reacted to, and got myself fired for. Now I'm making half what i was, lost my car, and don't have a place to stay. At least I have another job and I'm starting to improve things.
If you think you have bpd, you need to see someone. The earlier you do, the better off you will be in the long-run. You can't do it on your own, no borderline can. Also, if you are someone on this post that thinks bpd and other mental illnesses are fake, made-up by the drug companies, than you shouldn't be reading this post. You have no idea, and can never understand the amount of pain a borderline experiences every second of every day. So don't try to.
gailsaddress
New member
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2011
- Messages
- 3
- Reaction score
- 0
OMG.... never new about BPD until a couple days ago, while googling "how dose someone stop talking for no reason" and I started to read pages and pages, site after site all about my best friend. This BPD is just "my friend" she can be "off" sometimes. So I get it, she has a problem............BUT she stopped talking to me because I could not afford to go to her very expensive wedding. She manifested a fight after she said she understood that I would not be able to afford to go. But when I spent $400.00 on a chair she freaked and I am at a loss for words, $400.00 on a Christmas present for my husband v.s. $1500.00 for a one night/ last minute destination wedding. So I gave it some time and wrote her.....that did not go well....so I kept trying and trying until she up and says she will get a restraining order on me if I don't leave her alone! WHAT the Heck......can a 6 year best friend really just take a walk like that? Is this friendship really over that easily? She said I was manipulative and selfish and that really has my brain doing a 360........ So OK what if she is BPD shouldn't she get some help? Is our friendship really just over?
OMG.... never new about BPD until a could days ago, while googling "how dose someone stop talking for no reason" and I started to read pages and pages, site after site all about my best friend. This BPD is just "my friend" she can be "off" sometimes. So I get it, she has a problem............BUT she stopped talking to me because I could not afford to go to her very expensive wedding. She manifested a fight after she said she understood that I would not be able to afford to go. But when I spent $400.00 on a chair she freaked and I am at a loss for words, $400.00 on a Christmas present for my husband v.s. $1500.00 for a one night/ last minute destination wedding. So I gave it some time and wrote her.....that did not go well....so I kept trying and trying until she up and says she will get a restraining order on me if I don't leave her alone! WHAT the Heck......can a 6 year best friend really just take a walk like that? Is this friendship really over that easily? She said I was manipulative and selfish and that really has my brain doing a 360........ So OK what if she is BPD shouldn't she get some help? Is our friendship really just over?
OMG.... never new about BPD until a could days ago, while googling "how dose someone stop talking for no reason" and I started to read pages and pages, site after site all about my best friend. This BPD is just "my friend" she can be "off" sometimes. So I get it, she has a problem............BUT she stopped talking to me because I could not afford to go to her very expensive wedding. She manifested a fight after she said she understood that I would not be able to afford to go. But when I spent $400.00 on a chair she freaked and I am at a loss for words, $400.00 on a Christmas present for my husband v.s. $1500.00 for a one night/ last minute destination wedding. So I gave it some time and wrote her.....that did not go well....so I kept trying and trying until she up and says she will get a restraining order on me if I don't leave her alone! WHAT the Heck......can a 6 year best friend really just take a walk like that? Is this friendship really over that easily? She said I was manipulative and selfish and that really has my brain doing a 360........ So OK what if she is BPD shouldn't she get some help? Is our friendship really just over?
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
Gail. Your friend is unreasonable to say the least. =l
gailsaddress
New member
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2011
- Messages
- 3
- Reaction score
- 0
Well I get that, and to tell the truth she is always a little unreasonable but that's just one of her quarks.... I guess what I want to know is what I should do from a BPD point of view.... is the friendship over just like that?
