Can anyone relate to this feeling?

[Remedy]

Ok, so I'm not trying to vent or feel sorry for myself at all. I just want to know if anyone has ever felt this way. Which is probably a very small exclusive club of people since there are hardly any people who are perpetually dateless. Although I have had someone interested in me online for a very short while but I totally messed up.

Like whenever I think about myself being in a relationship I cannot imagine it. Is it just because I have never been in one? It's like I cannot ever imagine anyone being interested in me ever. I can't think how anyone would not be repulsed by the way I look or how shy I am. I just cannot see anyone ever being interested in me.

Like when I look at a friend's profile on facebook for example and it says <insert name here> is in a relationship with <insert name here>. I cannot see that ever being next to my name. It just doesn't seem possible. Like trying to imagine myself kissing or even having sex, it just grosses me out because I feel so worthless. I just don't understand and cannot imagine someone who would actually do something like that with me. I can't make sense out of it. It's kind fo hard for me to explain, it's just a feeling that is there and feels perpetually empty.

It might be from the put downs and let downs all my life and me feeling worthless all the time. Or maybe the fact that some people have messed with me online have made me feel worse. It's like it is all in my mind and my mind cannot imagine myself in those situations. I can think and imagine my friends being in relationships but I can't for myself. Maybe it's just all this time of putting myself down. When I see a picture of myself, I just can't see it ever happening. Or look at myself and think someone would be interested in this person, it doesn't seem possible.

I really don't know how to explain it but is there anyone else who can relate to this? The problem of not being able to imagine yourself in a relationship or doing things involved with the opposite sex. Remember, I am not trying to feel sorry for myself or really vent. I just want to know if there are any of the very few people who feel perpetually dateless and have this problem with imagining and using your mind in such a way? Oh and is there something wrong of me for not being capable to think of myself in such acts or relationships at all?

 

[Badjedidude]

Dangit, Remedy...one of these days an unmarked van will roll up while you're out for a lovely stroll...and two or three men clothed in black and wearing ski-masks will grab you and yank you into the van, where you will be tied up and sedated...

....only to awaken hours later sitting in a booth at a club, next to me, wearing some killer clothing and surrounded by like four hotties who want to know more about you.

I sort of want to do the Will Smith "Hitch" thing for you, Remedy. I wouldn't expect paymnt...I just want you to get a chick. XD Does that make me an ******* to say that? I dunno...I just think that someone needs to make it their mission to get you hooked up, and not just for sex.

So just....don't freak out if you're ever randomly abducted, Remedy. It might just be me on a little road trip to get you goin'.

As always, thanks for sharing, man.

 

[Captdeadman]

I can relate back to that feeling 100%, probably even more. The idea of me being with a girl is just so out there that if it were to happen the universe would implode. For this reason I don't ever bother to approach any girls or attempt to make conversation, and the funny thing is I don't really regret it at all, I just don't want to fall for the grass-is-always-greener trap, where I go through all the effort into getting a GF, and finally get one, only to be dumped and end up worse than I already was. Sometimes I'm too smart for my own good.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I can relate to a certain degree. People putting you down, critiszing you dose effect a person a great deal.
Even though there's been women in my life. Having gone through serveral break up leaves me with a sence
of emptiness, being a failure, not good enough no matter what i do. I experinced a lot of hatered in my life.
People simply just hated me becuase of my looks. An alcohlic as a parant to add spice into my life.

After the break up with Sherry. I felt very, very bad. I felt dirty, used and abused.
It left me with a feeling of being a doormate or if any woman gets involves with me, she would only use me.
For a long while i didn't want anything to do with anyone. Lots of trust had been destroyed and eomtionally i was really torn up.
I couldn't even think straight half of the time becuase of all the dramma and chaos.

So yes...in many ways I still feel or can't see myself in a sucessful relationship. It's still in the back of my mind
somewhere..though not as stronge. I had to do a lot of work and heal.
I had to work through a lot of stuff....this is were my recovery friends came into play. They helped me work through my issues
and untangled the cobewebs in my mind. But my heart was still broken in so many ways. It didn't matter if i have freinds.
I'm not say my friends didn't help me...they did, but they can only do so much for me. A lot of people from here help me also...
but they can only do so much for me...I had to do a lot of the work myself.

So in so many way...I long for someone that will truely love me or that specail someone as you do.
she step back into my life but it's fucken complicated as always
It's ripper her to pieces and tearing me apart. I can't imagine being with anyone else, especailly now
She say she loves me forever. Living without her day by day seems like forever.
Something has to change for I can't carry on this way either...so god help me.
Her heart is broken, she say she feels like dying. I pray for her soul

 

[Remedy]

Thanks all, for the replies. I just wanted to see if anyone could relate and sadly of course people can . I just wish it was only me not being able to imagine myself with someone. I don't like to see other people feeling the same way because someone besides myself feeling down is no fun.

@lonesomecrow
I have never really experienced a breakup of a really long relationship and I can just imagine how heart breaking it could be. Sorry that you have gone through some really rough times. I have some ok friends and even my best friend is kind of nice. It's just that all they ever seem to do is use me as a joke in their humor, instead of trying to help me or make me feel better about myself.

@Captdeadman
Welcome to the site first of all and I hope you enjoy your time spent here. I'm sorry your are feeling the same exact way and it really is kind of bad when we can't imagine ourselves with someone else. If it bothers you, then I really think you should put yourself out there and try. Sometimes it is best just to stop being stubborn and allow yourself to give it a shot. I know, I don't really want to experience the feeling of breaking up with someone you have been with for awhile either. It's just about being miserable alone or trying and experiencing things like that overtime.

@Badjedidude
lol, that is probably the only way I can even stand a chance at the moment but thanks for the humor . Sorry for post after post of my thoughts. I just like to see and analyze what and if people are feeling the same way as me. My friend's aren't way to supportive to me. They tend to use me as the end of their jokes like I said. My friend told me to try to use an online dating site but that just isn't for me I think. It's mostly a looks game, since all there is are pictures and a few things about someone to go off of. I just wish my friends would help me build something instead of using me for their jokes, but I just need to try to not be so sensitive.

Sorry, I really do make a lot of posts . I just have a lot of thoughts going through my head especially about girls. I didn't think about it for like the first 18 years of my life but then it just started coming out. So I guess my mind is making up for all those years of not thinking about it @_@.

 

[Zak]

Kay so when are we getting the van Steve?

 

[Steel]

I think the van is a good idea.

Remedy, mark my words well. At some point in the future you will meet someone; it may not be the love of your life or anything (at least the first time) but it will be a girl who is genuinely interested in you.. and all the angst and punisment you are putting yourself through now will evaporate like morning dew.

 

[AndrewM]

Remedy, I think Steel has nailed it. I've been dateless for a couple of years now and I have no prospects in the near future, but it no longer occurs to me that I may never date again. That's because I know, having once felt like you do, that it's just a state of mind which you put yourself in. Recently a guy I knew complained to me after a breakup that he would never be able to find someone else. Which was crazy, because he was one of the funniest, most intelligent guys I've ever met. I guess the feeling never goes away completely, and returns when you're at your lowest point.

But listen: there is no objective reason to think what you're thinking! And as I've posted elsewhere, the less you obsess about it the better your chances will be in the short term. You'll be surprised how quickly things can happen - but only if you make something else your focus in the meantime. (Easier said than done, I know.)

 

[PhryskO]

Can I relate? Yeah, most def..

I travel alot and usually get sour when I see people my around my age having fun, taking pictures and enjoying their vacations with their wife and children. Sometimes when I see a wedding or just a couple enjoying moments together I often catch myself talking honeysuckle like, they're not going to last.. he/she is having an affair.. they're ugly together.. why is she with him.. etc, etc, etc.. Sometimes I get disgusted when imagining myself be that other person and feeling like that'll never happen to me.

But honestly I know its my own personal way of not letting my jealousy get the best of me even though that deep down inside, its what I envy and wish that I was that other person. And as Andrew said, the less I obsess the lesser chance that it'll get to me and make me feel worse. I am my own enemy and sometimes I have to fight myself to get want I truely want in life.

 

[Remedy]

Thanks for the replies and really, sorry I'm not trying to complain or anything. I just wanted to see if anyone could relate and if there was anything wrong with me for not being able to think of myself in a relationship, like it isn't mentally possible.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

All I can say is I can relate. I guess the only thing any of us can do is try and have a relationship.

 

[Wyrm]

I know the feeling. Now, I don't feel it anywhere nearly as much as before. I believe that feeling was due to me hating myself and feeling sorry for myself. Therefore, I had a very bad image of myself. By learning to be self-loving, my emotions now flow much more in my favor, rather than against it. Before, it was like my own emotions were attacking me, kind of like those conditions where a person's immune system attacks their own body. I was literally putting myself down, though I thought that it was other people who were putting me down. Now, I feel good about myself because I learned to love the most important person in my life (me ).

One of the most important things that helped back when I was starting out was me was realizing that I don't actually need a girlfriend. It would be nice to have one (provided I find the right one), but I'm a whole, awesome person who can have fun and enjoy my life with or without a girlfriend.

 

[Badjedidude]

Hmmmm....I'll let you guys know when we're doing the van thing. It has to be a surprise for Remedy or it's no fun, so I'll get to ya'll separately.

You may think I'm joking, but to some extent I'm serious, Remedy. I'd totally devote a week or two of summer vacation to come enact Operation Girl-Getter with you. Just think about it, man....opportunities galore! Just let me know if the thought interests ya.

 

[?uest Love]

Thanks for the replies and really, sorry I'm not trying to complain or anything. I just wanted to see if anyone could relate and if there was anything wrong with me for not being able to think of myself in a relationship, like it isn't mentally possible.

don't worry bout complaining man. i've only been on this site for a bit and i feel like venting my frustrations has helped me alot.

anyways...on to the topic. i really can relate to you man. I haven't been in a serious relationship in my entire life and its all i can think about. I've been at the stage where I experienced how great it can be for a short while and have it torn away from me. now i just feel like a crack addict looking for his next fix. I have been at the stage where you are repulsed by myself. I'm going to be honest, i was born with a skin problem and it has made it difficult for me to love myself for a while. i found it extremely difficult to love myself, but overtime i realized that in order to love, you have to love yourself first. yea some ppl are lucky and find their soulmate before they find them self and yea they are happy, but when they break up they end up lost. Why? because they haven't spent enough time searching for them self. Overtime, through the friends and just being more socially active, i just gained more confidence.

But i know its hard to forget about it, because even though i have a good social life and good friends, i still think about what it would be like to find that significant other. It greatly disrupts my school and my other life activities, but i can't help it. Sometimes its all i think about. I guess its another stage that i think i need to grow from, but i haven't found a way. everytime i find a potential girl, i imagine what it is like to be in a relationship with her....or how great it can be....but somehow when i do that....everything turns to shiit and nothing works out for me. But know that your not alone. Well i hope that you and i find that right girl soon....because it's just eating me up from the inside.

Sorry if i went on a rant too much.

 

[kelbo]

Like whenever I think about myself being in a relationship I cannot imagine it. Is it just because I have never been in one? It's like I cannot ever imagine anyone being interested in me ever. I can't think how anyone would not be repulsed by the way I look or how shy I am. I just cannot see anyone ever being interested in me.

It is just because you haven't had one before. I mean I can't ever imagine me eating oysters (besides the fact I've been told they apparently taste like warm jizz...eurgh) however...I've never done it before and can't even begin to imagine how you eat them or what they would be like without slightly cringing because of hearing others' past experiences of them.

If you've never done something before then how can you imagine it? Unless you've got a bloody brilliant imagination that has had input from others' experiences then perhaps you can. But even then, it wouldn't seem real, so to speak.

You need to just get out there and get one. And you seem like a totally nice guy that could get one, you just need to believe in yourself more. Nobody is going to believe in you or help you as much as YOU can. I know that sounds harsh but if you become to rely on others for self-belief then you will just fall...because people aren't as reliable as you are.

Good luck Mr.

 

[Remedy]

Hmmmm....I'll let you guys know when we're doing the van thing. It has to be a surprise for Remedy or it's no fun, so I'll get to ya'll separately.

You may think I'm joking, but to some extent I'm serious, Remedy. I'd totally devote a week or two of summer vacation to come enact Operation Girl-Getter with you. Just think about it, man....opportunities galore! Just let me know if the thought interests ya.

Lol thanks for thinking about people like me. It would be kind of difficult to help a guy like me at the moment. Especially when I don't have a car or a job 0_0. Although, I'm trying really hard to get a job , it's just kind of difficult. They need to call back D:!