Can you spot other lonely people ?

[putter65]

I work in a small grocery shop and I meet hundreds of people a week. I think lonely people come in 2 groups.

Firstly, the ones who come in and have a chat. They probably don't get chance to talk to anybody and our shop is the perfect opportunity. They chat about their lives, the weather, all sorts. It's non stop chatter.

Secondly, people who just don't have the confidence to talk. Shy, withdrawn types who don't seem capable of having conversations. They are always by themselves and they never talk to other customers.

As a side note, I served this really lonely looking woman last week and it felt like she was chatting me up. She normally never says a thing, always buys wine and looks very unhappy. She spoke on two occasions last week and the second time her questions seemed rehearsed. She asked me whether I was having a nice day and wished me a nice weekend.

I always make an effort with her and I am especially kind towards her, mainly because of how she is. I know lonely people can develop feelings towards shop people. I've been there myself a few times.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Every so often at work I get a call from an older customer who after asking their enquiry will then go on to talk about news, the weather, their thoughts on various topics etc. My colleagues tend to scoff and put the phone down but I love them and will talk for ages, they’re lonely and just want someone else to talk to, I understand that feeling completely.

I have found face to face conversations with fellow loners to be a challenge though.

 

[putter65]

Every so often at work I get a call from an older customer who after asking their enquiry will then go on to talk about news, the weather, their thoughts on various topics etc. My colleagues tend to scoff and put the phone down but I love them and will talk for ages, they’re lonely and just want someone else to talk to, I understand that feeling completely.

I have found face to face conversations with fellow loners to be a challenge though.

It's the best part of my job, talking to the customers. I really enjoy it. Alot of people have lonely, mundane lives. There is this old dear who seeks me every Wednesday to have a little chat with me. None of the other staff like her. I would say I am one of the most popular members of staff with the customers. Some of the them come to my till on purpose to talk about football.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Every so often at work I get a call from an older customer who after asking their enquiry will then go on to talk about news, the weather, their thoughts on various topics etc. My colleagues tend to scoff and put the phone down but I love them and will talk for ages, they’re lonely and just want someone else to talk to, I understand that feeling completely.

I have found face to face conversations with fellow loners to be a challenge though.

It's the best part of my job, talking to the customers. I really enjoy it. Alot of people have lonely, mundane lives. There is this old dear who seeks me every Wednesday to have a little chat with me. None of the other staff like her. I would say I am one of the most popular members of staff with the customers. Some of the them come to my till on purpose to talk about football.

And there you are worrying about getting a girlfriend!

Just treat girls like you treat your customers and you'll be all set to finding a decent lady.

Anyway, sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. It varies on the person.

I think 90% of the time people observing me would probably think I'm perfectly happy being alone. I buy my lunch, eat my lunch and sit alone for hours at a time sometimes at work - and seem happy doing so.

The fact I'm actually observing my environment and thinking "****, I wish I had someone to talk to." or "How does that arrogant guy I just heard boasting a moment ago get a girlfriend that sweet and not me?" is probably not particularly obvious :\

 

[whispers]

LoL, ya i can spot them, they are the ones sitting alone somewhere, eather playing with their child or looking sad or bored. I used to be like that, now when i see them i go sit with them, sometimes we dont talk much but i feel that its comforting for them not to be alone. I found alot of good friends like that.

In fact i remember doing it in high school too, i was not the most popular girl in school, but i did have some respect. I sided alot with the less popular, some of them still remember that lol. Once i went to a dance with a guy just because everyone was teasing him that he could never have a date. All i asked of him is not to try and kiss me. lol

 

[Ak5]

Of course I can. My "social" senses are very keen.

 

[Lombax]

You know, I was just thinking about this very idea today.
I'm not sure that people around me know that I am lonely, even though I am always by myself. I then stopped and thought about my own perspective; do I notice when other people are alone all the time? What if some of these countless people who pass me are just like me and are shy, too?

I realized that I only notice when people who are usually surrounded by friends are suddenly by themselves. For example, a person whom I really want to befriend was away from his usual pack of friends today and was walking back alone from a meeting. Seeing that made me feel sad that he was alone, but then I realized that this was the first time he was walking anywhere alone for as long as I've known him. Then, I realized that I am ALWAYS walking alone, and that I should be more aware of people like myself who are always by themselves. (For a moment here I felt sorry for myself and felt angry that nobody notices me being alone, but then I realized that I myself don't really notice.)

So I'm no longer sorry for myself. I just need to change my way of thinking and be a little more observant. By doing so, perhaps I can befriend other shy individuals, and we won't be alone anymore.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

Interesting, I do think you can. And I'm surely the non-stop chatter, I love to talk when I get the chance.

Also what Lombax said, I wonder if people know that i'm lonely. I'm not really shy or anything and dont mind talking to people or laugh with them, but these people are most of the time schoolmates. And the couple of friends i have, they are also lonely or depressed and I know it. Only one of them told me he had a depression though, the funny thing is, We love going out and be with other people, but we are just not that good at trusting people. Or making/keeping contact with them, which is pretty much the cause of my loneliness. Also I don't have a clue what to think about myself, let alone know what others think about me.

 

[Okiedokes]

Hmm... well...when i was in school, yes. I was too shy myself to ever talk to them though. I guess being that I know what it's like, I didn't want to bother them or scare them away. But I am sure they would have liked it even if they didn't show it. It's nice to relate to people.

 

[fox]

I believe so... Maybe if I think I spot them, it is incorrect, however.. only a small glimpse of their life, after all.. but some I do think I can tell..

Mostly I think it of people who wander around alone, and they do not look to be going any specific place. I "know" because I do that very thing. Some times I wish to talk to this sort of person, but too afraid.

 

[Tiina63]

Sometimes I can tell if someone, sometimes I can't. There is a man with aspergers who goes to the French conversation group I go to, and I often ask him some questions to make him feel part of the group, as otherwise he is sitting alone and isolated.
Generally I find it easier to spot an elderly person who is lonely than a younger person, maybe because they don't hide it so well.
I don't think people can tell I am lonely, not unless they are very observant. I am good at wearing a mask.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You know, it's funny I don't think I can spot other lonely people, unless it's blatantly obvious. It's something I always wonder about. I get customers in that will stay and talk to me for a bit. Sometimes I wonder if they are lonely and want someone to talk to or can tell that it's me. :/

 

[The Good Citizen]

I used to work in my dad's pub and there was a couple that came in once a week and they would always order half a pint each and sit and stare at the opposite wall without talking for half an hour and then leave.

They were the loneliest people I think I'd ever seen, although they probably went home and were at it like rabbits for all I know.

 

[AllAlone1]

the funny thing is, We love going out and be with other people, but we are just not that good at trusting people. Or making/keeping contact with them, which is pretty much the cause of my loneliness.

This is defintely my problem too!! The story of my life!!! I have two high school friends that are like brothers to me but I hardly ever keep in touch with them no matter how much they want me to or how much I want to too but then the same is so for my actual brothers as well and other family and friends so atleast I treat everyone fairly huh?! I'm an equal opportunity bad friend/relative!!! lol

You know, it's funny I don't think I can spot other lonely people, unless it's blatantly obvious.

This sounds like me as well, though in some instances there have been times where I was someplace where there was alot of people I didn't know too well, if at all and I would purposely seek out the loneliest seeming person there and would sit wit them and maybe even have a conversation with them, if they seemed interested enough in carrying on one with me. IDK for some reason I just feel like I would relate to them better simply because they may understand what its like to be lonely. I know, pretty presumptuous of me right??!!

 

[ardour]

Yeah I can usually spot lonely people who don't have much confidence and have been burnt a million times.
I work in a university (after studying there) and it's pretty easy to see, because 'Loners' are unusual - everyone else seems to be with friends, especially students from ethnic minorities that just seem to auto-friend each other.

The most common loner is white, about 20-22, unattractive appearance wise.

 

[HappyYogi]

Putter and Lost ....thank you for being so kind to give someone some time, some conversation. That is very loving of the both of you. I often think that our suffering can make us more compassionate and understanding and I think both of you have that.

 

[putter65]

Putter and Lost ....thank you for being so kind to give someone some time, some conversation. That is very loving of the both of you. I often think that our suffering can make us more compassionate and understanding and I think both of you have that.