insanepotato said:
Its 4.20am
I just had some idiot on MSN tell me that he went out with my ex was two timing me with him. he made up elaborate lies and hurt me so deeply... i miss her so much, but i've ruined things beyond repair...
she'll never talk to me again. she probably got a new number.
blocked my on MSN. no response on facebook. deleted myspace. no response to email.
now this jack arse who is bullshiting to me... he knows her personal details... which means shes been hacked.
i'm so hurt i can barely think straight.
she was my first gf... and i loved her so dearly... i know many of you will think its stupid only going out with her for a month, but its something unexplainable. i cared about her so much... its been almost 2 months since she broke up and cut me off. i thought i finally was able to start getting over it.
Convincing myself its just another stupid teenage BS relationship, driven by unbalanced hormones... but after this Guy did this to me... i'm right where i started.
i cant stop thinking about how i desperately want to die. i dont want this anymore i don't want to be here. i keep forcing myself to stop thinking about ending it all. Standing between the rail way tracks with my eyes closed. Seeing the red of the back of my eyelids, as the bright head lights of an oncoming train approaches. The wind blowing back my hair, out of my face.
i cant be with her, and i cant get over it.
please. say something to be. i dont care what it is. be harsh, tell my im a ******* idiot and slap sense into me. cos right now... im feel so shattered and alone.
i've put the chat log, if anyone cbf reading it...
I can only imagine the loss you feel as me myself have never felt what 'loosing' someone in a relationship feels like as i have never been in a relationship. I can relate on how you feel not being in a relationship however. The closest i have been to a girl has been on crush only. And since i am how i am an average girl really wouldnt have the capability of liking me back like that anyway. I dont like even having a crush on someone as it just makes me hurt more knowing what i dont have. And when people are incapable of returning affection in any way to yourself does it get very annoying. Overall for me just something I have learned to deal with at 27 without loosing myself. An AVERAGE person would not be able to be alone as long with me without doing something stupid like killing themselves.
You still seem to be infatuated with this girl, were you guys even originally together that long? Generally people in a relationship become dis infatuated with each other naturally the longer they have been together. While loving acts become much less pleasurable after a long time than what it felt like when you first got together.
I really dont know why you are in so much despair. If you have already been in relationship you should know the basic ropes of how do get in one so you should really have no problem getting with a new partner at your age. Go out and test the water im sure you will find another.
The thing i would be most concerned about would be your current mental state. Its never good to overly think about things like suicide just because you have been out of a relationship for 2 months. If you were in my shoes and alone as long as i have been then i might understand a suicidal thought or two. I used to have them all the time myself once i hit the loneliness wall slightly after the age i turned 21. I had a mental breakdown as well for a while myself eventually from the feelings i felt from being alone. Not like i went nuts completely more like i just had no drive to do anything other than just lay in bed all day not even go to work or go out with people. With a short bout with over drinking at the time had to no choice but to take time off work and get counseling.
To be so down after one break up in your life is illogical. Go out a couple times with a fresh slate try to think about your past relationship less. If you are just an every day average guy i dont see why you wuoldnt get with someone relatively quickly in your situation if you just went out and looked around. You probably wouldnt even have to try that hard to get with someone new.
When your in your 20s alone and no closer to getting with anyone no matter what you do or what you say almost like you have been singled out to be alone by everyone from the day you were born. I see people around me get together so fast and easy almost like they dont have to do much of anything to be in a relationship aside from give someone a lustful look. Yet for someone like me im still here at 27 without even the illusion of being a step closer than i ever was. I dont even think its my looks or personality i think it may just be the overall aura i give off naturally. I think naturally im incompatible with just about everyone i could look at as being a girlfriend. I only just started thinking that way a couple years ago its the only thing i have found adequate as an explanation of why i have never been with anyone regardless of my actions towards people. Seems like the average person can just go out with a pouty face and just have other lonely people just basically line up for them willing to be in at least a couple month fling with them at the minimum. But for a person like me regardless of what i do but just because of how i naturally am would be just off limits to just about anyone for some reason.
People tell me to go out and present yourself by talking and socialising with the opposite sex. And since i havent been overly depressed in the last years i have made it a point to go out and talk to people. But i think because of my natural circumstances(which at worst are just superficial but for some reason initial specialities are generally what people look at during courtship at first). But ultimately since i am old and still alone do people all initially naturally identify as being a default just non relationship person. I hate that stigma i have been dealt in society because i decided to be a late bloomer and start looking for a relationship not until after my 20s. When you truly think there really is nothing you can do or say even if perfectly orchestrated even more refined than what average person would do and still feel you dont have even a shot in the dark does it become difficult. A single person can only do so much in terms of trying to be with someone and if the average person just doesnt naturally want to be with you like that there really is nothing you can do. Generally when i get the feeling that a person is hopeless for me in that way i move on to someone else but generally always have the same success rate of not getting with them. Looks? a person like me really cant be concerned with looks with such a low success rate. Ive tried courting females just about of every type appearance mentally and physically. But when you get to my point in live of being alone you could pretty much court just about any average or even non average person and get no where but infatuation.
It becomes infuriating after a while. Getting with someone romantically was never meant to be this difficult in fact i think courtship and all copulatory acts are naturally easy for average everyday people. Your mind begins to feel trapped in itself. Really after being alone for so long and only craving to be less alone everyday does your mind and body just become naturally different. If your not careful you will loose your way in life you mind will feel like its functioning without purpose. No romance ever and no kids from those romances so really no natural reason you feel to go on after a while. Average people unknowingly revolve their entire lives around their romantic relationships even if they dont say they do. Ultimately romance is what people truly live for even if they dont admit it. So i have to live my life without what everyone else i come in contact with uses as their natural form of life sustenance their current romantic relationships. 27 and alone will probably be the same thing in 10 more years. God my mind will have to continue alone for that much longer? What if i live to be 100 years old? Would i want to be still alone for all that time? I understand suicide when you are down but really with out every experiencing what the average person lives their entire lives for how should you feel? I have moved passed ending my life at this age im just afraid that i dont see how i will be able to function normally for decades to come without ever feeling a closeness to someone intently or romantically. Can someone live a normal healthy life forever without ever having what everyone else seemingly might as well die for if they never had?
For me though what do i do? Just sit here and rot for another 50 years till i die always alone? What else is their to look forward to in life ultimately then at my age? I think its something a person like myself could live through but it might as well be a living hell for me. I might have been pre conditioned through my differences to live alone much longer than the average person but ultimately for what purpose? I am completely apathetic about life like i just dont care what really happens to myself or the world and people around me. People are nice to me but with being alone even the people themselves become faceless and might as well just be all the same person. Being socially and least in romantically shunned by people naturally becomes just a wash of everything you really dont even identify people anymore they all just become the same person. However through everyone else around me I do know one thing and that would be that i could be perhaps as different as the average person seems to treat me. My incompatibilities my be completely a natural biological thing. Just like how animals of different species generally never mate or court each other at all thats how i feel. Perhaps i am so different that people just arent capable of being naturally compatible with me in those ways and perhaps even beyond their natural abilities. A higher power could be involved perhaps maybe a person like me was never ment to be with another person romantically even though i dont like that idea. Maybe ultimately im meant for different things in life than an everyday person. My knowledge of the pain that being alone has caused me i think is beyond what anyone i have come in contanct with me has ever known. Im really the only one like me i know perhaps a true person that really is so unique that there may be only one like me on this entire planet. If truly different might as well explain why people just dont recognise me romantically regardless of who they naturally are.
