crying alone

[silvertrees]

I have heard somewhere the saying go something like this
“Cry, you cry alone. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.”

Is it possible? Is it really possible to keep the sadness and loneliness to myself and to smile when in public. Do those who are cheerful and sociable actually suffer from sudden sadness and loneliness, if not chronicle, but sob alone in the bed or behind the wheel and put a smile on their face?

it has a cathartic effect to cry for sure. I certainly don’t want to be seen crying. It is sad to cry and sad to see someone crying. I cannot split two halves of me completely separate. the part of me that cries eventually catches up with the part of me that tries to look everything is okay. I feel like I want someone to know the part of me that cries without actually being seen crying. Or can I still build a close relationship with people without showing extreams? I hold back from showing dark sides of myself but that is precisely part pf the reason I get sad and lonely.

Maybe I should work on the crying side so I don’t have to cry rather than switching between the sad and the cheerful. I certainly am not equipped for that.

It is so sad to think people cry alone but we all seem to have to do it.. It is just sometimes too much you know...

 

[Sci-Fi]

I do that, put on a fake smile for people. Sometimes it's really hard to do depending on what is bothering me at the time. I often wonder the same thing, those who always appear to be happy and carefree, if there is something more beneath all that cheerfulness. We all wear masks, some more so than others.

 

[WishingWell]

Silvertrees,

I don't cry in public, and believe it or not, I hardly ever cry. Period. Because of all the events in my life that were abusive, depressing, lonely and just plain horrible, I have become hardened. I wish I hadn't. I am not ticklish anymore. I don't laugh much, and have a very dark side of me. I wish I had those emotions back.

Before this, what I used to do is go to the extreme. I used to act silly, be the joker wherever I went, and cover anything negative. That was not easy to achieve however.

I know one thing though, when anyone (even family or the few friends I have) ask me how I am, I always respond with OK or fine. I don't think anyone wants to hear a story about my sadness or pathetic life. Although when I ask someone, I am interested in how they feel and when they answer like I do, I wonder if they feel the way I do.

I don't know if any of this applies, but this is what your thread made me think about.

 

[NOTurAveRAGE]

Ive noticed that most people only ask you how you are doing out of habit...They dont even pay attention long enough to see if your going to say something other than "Fine, I'm good, etc"... I never let people know how I really feel because whats the point? They don't actually care and no one will put any effort in making you feel better. Sometimes telling a person how you really feel then seeing their reaction makes it worse.

 

[Sci-Fi]

That is so true NOTurAveRAGE I've done that several times today, even to my boss when I was calling him to get a personal day. After I got off the phone with him and wondered why I told him I was "good" when I told him why I was needing the day off. It's become a knee jerk reaction when people ask, "how are you" we just say; good, fine. I used to work with a guy who always said "Not worth a honeysuckle but thanks for asking." He usually said that in jest.

 

[WishingWell]

Sci Fi,

That is the funnies and best answer I could have ever heard! I am LOL! I hope you don't mind, but I am going to use that line next time someone asks me how I am that I know doesn't give a ****.

 

[oh_boy]

"Not worth a honeysuckle but thanks for asking." He usually said that in jest.

Ahaha. Nice.

But I can't be that sincere - now I always say "I'm fine, thanks for asking". Cause if I say "I'm in trashy situation" to some stranger, he'll think I'm crazy. If I say that to some closer person, he'll start comforting me etc etc - and that makes my situation even more pathetic.

Though It's kinda sad that I always fail at putting my fake smile on. Sometimes even if I say "I'm fine" - people start comforting me. I think it's easier to cheat in that way if you're less emotional person.

 

[silvertrees]

I know one thing though, when anyone (even family or the few friends I have) ask me how I am, I always respond with OK or fine. I don't think anyone wants to hear a story about my sadness or pathetic life. Although when I ask someone, I am interested in how they feel and when they answer like I do, I wonder if they feel the way I do.

I don't know if any of this applies, but this is what your thread made me think about.

I always say I'm fine to my family when I call them no matter how terrible I am doing because I know it makes them worried if I say otherwise. I think it is better off when they have less to worry about.

I get temped to tell how I feel to friends. but I have to be carefull who to open to or most likely I end up regretting for exposeing myself and for worse, i get angry if they don't seem to care much and I think I really shouldn't have.

the more I try to explain the more i feel frustrated and distant. Even if I were to so elequently explain how sad and lonely there aren't much they can do about but just listen. I might feel tempararily feel better by getting it off my chest but it feels like it costs me as well.

Wish i can afford a shrink.. but writing down helps.

 

[user 8168]

In the past ten years prior to a few weeks ago, I think I'd cried 3 times. At two grandparents funerals and when my cat was put down last year.
Yet in the last few weeks, I've felt so lonely I've been on the verge of tears constantly. And a few nights ago, I had a little cry when I was trying to get to sleep. I dont know why, because I've been single my entire life, but I've never felt more lonely than I have in the past few weeks.

 

[silvertrees]

In the past ten years prior to a few weeks ago, I think I'd cried 3 times. At two grandparents funerals and when my cat was put down last year.
Yet in the last few weeks, I've felt so lonely I've been on the verge of tears constantly. And a few nights ago, I had a little cry when I was trying to get to sleep. I dont know why, because I've been single my entire life, but I've never felt more lonely than I have in the past few weeks.

I don't know how many times I cried over the last few years. Maybe also a few times. When I fail to take it easy emotions build up towards whatever I am at, usually earthly things such as liking a particular girl, trying to cope with the society, etc. And then they turn out to be in a disappointing way. That is sometimes enough to reach the tipping point in which the flood gate for emotions open and sad, poignant, bitter sweet, all memories and emotions come rushing in and overwhelm me often accompanying the contrasting feeling of "unbearable lightness of being" in which the very emotions and feeling that overwhelm me are part of life so sadly fleeting.

Other times I just get a flash of sadness and water my eyes a bit or cry without tear like dry retching. There are times when I need to stay still in a fetal position.

I certainly don't want an exhausting emotional roller coaster ride and we are not at the mercy of emotions as opposed to animals. I would like to laugh more and feel sad less. I don't want to identify with sadness. But I cannot seem to keep the sad and the laugh completely separate. I cannot seem to keep the sad to myself. Is it possible? Do you keep the melancholic side completely to yourself and be a person positive and light-hearted that you want to be for the rest of the time?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I allow myself to cry...uncontrolable crying. I dont suffer from depression
or have anger issues.

when im sad..if I need to go into public..I still cool with my fucken shades..lol

Yeah..most people r jsut trying to be polite...its not their fault.

Francis is not afraid to cry in front of me..or sometimes shell be frantic..sjhe will call n want me to be with her. Or even if she feels angery.
She feels what she feels and its ok.

I feel what I feel and its ok...

 

[Adrolak]

I hardly cry myself, even though sometimes I want to.

 

[apathy]

I hate it when I cry. Why? It doesn't solve anything and I feel like a weakling whenever that happens. Crying just makes me feel even more pathetic than I already am. As a kid, I used to cry over the littlest things... a dead puppy.. getting beaten up by mom though the tears were for her (how f*cked up and twisted was that?).. boys teasing me in primary school.. lots of other silly things. Now, I'm unaffected by almost anything that happens to me. Then again, suppressing all my tears isn't a good choice as well. I don't ever cry in front of anyone anymore. If I do cry, which is rarely, it'd be in the shower.

 

[Bread]

Well, when I go out this time of the year, tears flow from my eyes constantly. Nostrils, too.

Eh, jokes aside, sometimes it does a body good to have a good cry. I just listen to sad songs, or better yet, watch of one my favourite movies with downer endings like John Woo's Killer (hearcrushing ending) or Infernal Affairs, where the 'Death of a Police Man' song middle ways thru and the mood whiplash ending both tear away the scabs from my heart and make it bleed a bit.

I don't like showing emotions to people, I don't like to be pitied, seen weak or have people hear me whine. Grumbling isn't so bad, but I never whine in public.

I tried cultivating a more positive mindset in these days, and the miracle snake oil cure of smiling to the mirror each day. 'Yeah; we don't do that anymore.' Suffice to say, I find the 'Man who Laughs' slasher smile less worrying than what I see in the mirror.

Loneliness is the most usual cause that nearly causes my eyes to tear up. But I generally can't make myself cry without some incentive, ie. aforementioned movies. I feel better knowing it's a more controlled situation than just abruptly start bawling and sniffling like no tomorrow, I guess.

 

[dead]

I don't like showing emotions to people, I don't like to be pitied, seen weak or have people hear me whine. Grumbling isn't so bad, but I never whine in public.

....

Loneliness is the most usual cause that nearly causes my eyes to tear up. But I generally can't make myself cry without some incentive, ie. aforementioned movies. I feel better knowing it's a more controlled situation than just abruptly start bawling and sniffling like no tomorrow, I guess.

+1. summed up my thoughts exactly.

 

[Ladysphinx]

I'm a very emotional person. I cry alot even about the sillest thing sometimes but I think part of it is because I already feel very alone. I don't cry infront of ppl tough and can even be the clown in the crowd while my heart is breaking. But the moment I feel the tears coming I flee cause I feel that my sadness has nothing to do with them. I also don't trust ppl with my real feelings. My mom use to treat me like crap just because I was sad. Sometimes I wish I can turn of my emotions like other ppl do but have never been successful in doing so. When ppl ask me how I'm doing I also alway responed with I'm great. The tears can be streaming and snot pouring out my nose and I'll still be doing great, I seriously fear to see ppl's reaction when telling them how I feel. It's easy to let ppl know when I'm peeved off but I feel vunrable when sad like anybody can strike at any moment, hiding is my why of preventing it. My oldest brother knows by now that when I'm nowhere to be found just to let me be, his usually also the only one that knows whats really going on with me. But he moved quite a distance and we don't hear from each other much.

 

[Tigershark]

Is it really possible to keep the sadness and loneliness to myself and to smile when in public. Do those who are cheerful and sociable actually suffer from sudden sadness and loneliness, if not chronicle, but sob alone in the bed or behind the wheel and put a smile on their face?

Yes. I've been told I'm a very charismatic, friendly person. I'm lonely though, inside. I'm alone a lot, & cry a lot during those times. There's another quote, & I can't even recall how it goes, but it basically says that people are the least like themselves when they are around other people. In public, everyone puts on those fake faces, just to get by in day-to-day life. For some it's just easier than for others.

 

[The Winged Heart]

I smile and acti normal all day at work while my heart feels like it's breaking. The minute I leave work, the tears let loose and I cry the whole 10 miles while I drive home. My favorite time of day is when I get home and can go to my room. I go to bed at 6pm and sleep well until 6 the next morning when I force myself out of bed to spend another day of acting. It's exhausting to be another person all day. That's why I'm so tired when I get home. I also like to sleep just for the relief from loneliness and sadness. Can anyone relate to this?

 

[A new life]

Ive noticed that most people only ask you how you are doing out of habit...They dont even pay attention long enough to see if your going to say something other than "Fine, I'm good, etc"... I never let people know how I really feel because whats the point? They don't actually care and no one will put any effort in making you feel better. Sometimes telling a person how you really feel then seeing their reaction makes it worse.

My answer to "How are you"? is:
"Much more than I was tomorrow"

Because you're right,
few are listening
fewer care

 

[Lonely.Pianist]

I wish I could cry. I'm emotional and I get depressed a lot, but I hardly cry. That's awful, cause I have these repressed tears inside of me. You know, "boys don't cry". It feels good when you cry... It seems like you wash your pain away. I don't care about people thinking I'm weak, so I don't try to fake smiles when I'm sad, and I can't even fake a laugh about some homophobic joke to keep my mask. The reason I don't tell people I'm feeling bad when they ask if I'm fine is that I feel like it's not their problem. Plus, I can't really tell them why I'm sad. All those repressed things are killing me. :S I wish I could be able to cry when I want to, but I just can't.