Dating multiple people at once.

[MisterLonely]

:club:

You enjoying this site so far? How old are you if I may ask?

I'm a 35 years old male (this coming March I will turn 36). I really like website. It doesn't seems so perfect or prefabricated. These are just real people expressing real emotions. And any disrespect is not tolerated. So this site is not filled with trolls.

We get trolls here.  lol  The horrible trolls are snuffed out quickly, but we also get good natured/don't cross the line trolls that stick around for a while.

I see none.

Lol, trolling 80's style!!

O.T. I had a crush on two girls at the same time while in primary school, I liked them both for different reasons, one was realy funny and sweet, the other was a tomboy and liked building stuff and climbing trees like I did, also she was eeehm... well developed for her age

I don't see why one person couldn't have feelings formore then one person at a time, the only way to know who is the right (or better) match for you is to spend some time with them, once things get serious though, one should make a decision and not toy with the other persons feelings.

 

[morgandollar]

You can date multiple people at once, and it's not really cheating unless you are in "exclusive" relationships with them.  As for feelings, yeah, you can have feelings for more than one person.

Ok, that is a fair answer

Speaking as a male (but in no way representing all men), some men, if not most, definitely feel that dating multiple people at once is just fine. But I didn't know for sure that some women feel the same way. LONG LIVE FEMALE EMPOWERMENT!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

You can date multiple people at once, and it's not really cheating unless you are in "exclusive" relationships with them.  As for feelings, yeah, you can have feelings for more than one person.

Ok, that is a fair answer

Speaking as a male (but in no way representing all men), some men, if not most, definitely feel that dating multiple people at once is just fine. But I didn't know for sure that some women feel the same way. LONG LIVE FEMALE EMPOWERMENT!!

Well, personally, if I get into a relationship, I would expect it to be exclusive.  But, I have female friends who date multiple people at one time.  They aren't looking for serious, so that works for them.

 

[morgandollar]

You enjoying this site so far? How old are you if I may ask?

I'm a 35 years old male (this coming March I will turn 36). I really like website. It doesn't seems so perfect or prefabricated. These are just real people expressing real emotions. And any disrespect is not tolerated. So this site is not filled with trolls.

We get trolls here.  lol  The horrible trolls are snuffed out quickly, but we also get good natured/don't cross the line trolls that stick around for a while.

I see none.

Lol, trolling 80's style!!

O.T. I had a crush on two girls at the same time while in primary school, I liked them both for different reasons, one was realy funny and sweet, the other was a tomboy and liked building stuff and climbing trees like I did, also she was eeehm... well developed for her age

I don't see why one person couldn't have feelings formore then one person at a time, the only way to know who is the right (or better) match for you is to spend some time with them, once things get serious though, one should make a decision and not toy with the other persons feelings.

Trying to find the perfect partner or perfect relationship is futile because nobody is perfect. But I agree that setting these quasi-rules for dating are so pointless. This might lead to settling in a loveless relationship.

 

[MisterLonely]

You can date multiple people at once, and it's not really cheating unless you are in "exclusive" relationships with them.  As for feelings, yeah, you can have feelings for more than one person.

Ok, that is a fair answer

Speaking as a male (but in no way representing all men), some men, if not most, definitely feel that dating multiple people at once is just fine. But I didn't know for sure that some women feel the same way. LONG LIVE FEMALE EMPOWERMENT!!

Well, personally, if I get into a relationship, I would expect it to be exclusive.  But, I have female friends who date multiple people at one time.  They aren't looking for serious, so that works for them.

You're not alone in this, I'd also expect anyone I'd date to not be in any kind of relationship romantic or just dating.

 

[morgandollar]

Obviously, no one wants to deliberately hurt anyone or get hurt and played. But why do we feel there must be romantic exclusiveness? Do we want to control another person? Are we afraid that someone will discover any inadequacies and leave us for the other? Is the motive behind romantic exclusiveness true and strong love or underlying, deep-seated fear?

 

[MisterLonely]

Obviously, no one wants to deliberately hurt anyone or get hurt and played. But why do we feel there must be romantic exclusiveness? Do we want to control another person? Are we afraid that someone will discover any inadequacies and leave us for the other? Is the motive behind romantic exclusiveness true and strong love or underlying, deep-seated fear?

Yes and No to allof the above, it realy depends on the individual, but one thing is a given and that is that their needs to be clarity for all involved, if one person loves more than one other and wants to be with both, then it's not only up to him/her all will have to know whats what so they can make their own decission if they want that or not.

(Kinda O.T.) One thing I heared on the news yesterday or 2 days ago was that a bill was passed making it possible for more then 2 person to register as the parents of a child.

 

[morgandollar]

Obviously, no one wants to deliberately hurt anyone or get hurt and played. But why do we feel there must be romantic exclusiveness? Do we want to control another person? Are we afraid that someone will discover any inadequacies and leave us for the other? Is the motive behind romantic exclusiveness true and strong love or underlying, deep-seated fear?

Yes and No to allof the above, it realy depends on the individual, but one thing is a given and that is that their needs to be clarity for all involved, if one person loves more than one other and wants to be with both, then it's not only up to him/her all will have to know whats what so they can make their own decission if they want that or not.

(Kinda O.T.) One thing I heared on the news yesterday or 2 days ago was that a bill was passed making it possible for more then 2 person to register as the parents of a child.

When it comes to any relationship, we must keep trying and trying and trying, not only begin or start a relationship but work especially hard to keep it because it can be lost ... possibly forever. Like trying to pan for gold. There will be a lot of frustration but there will be times of success and elation. You won't experience the elation of success by giving up.
And I wonder if that has anything to do with the banned three-DNA babies in the UK. (I'm just saying)

 

[DarkSelene]

Some time ago, HBO aired a special "Americans in Bed". It was candid interviews with a variety of couples, (i.e. young, old, gay, lesbian, interracial, etc.). I never forgot this one couple. At first, the man tried to say she was crazy. Then it was revealed that he hookups with anyone he feels like, and she just couldn't take that. So after many times of fighting, breaking up, then getting back together, she grudgingly accepted he does this (they didn't call it cheating). But you can tell that she would have been so much happier if he did not do that. So it was his choice and it was her choice. I guess, that what they call love. I personally would never do that or consent to such a relationship. This is not issue of leaving the toilet seat up or putting it down. This man is having sex (protected or not) with strangers and yet claiming romantic feelings for someone. It's seems like such a contradiction and even hypocritical (not only on his part, that's obvious, but even she is complicit).

That's not exactly the type of thing I mentioned and just sounds very wrong, in my opinion. Polyamorous relationships usually start with people that already denominated themselves that. It's not about trying to make your monogamous partner accept you having sex with others, but to have a number of romantic relationships with a number of different partners. It seems to work pretty well in the confines of those groups, apparently jealousy doesn't exist because no one is property and jealousy does not equal love, which I agree with, but I'm monogamous and it's hard enough for me to really like one person, imagine more than that. Haha

 

[MisterLonely]

Obviously, no one wants to deliberately hurt anyone or get hurt and played. But why do we feel there must be romantic exclusiveness? Do we want to control another person? Are we afraid that someone will discover any inadequacies and leave us for the other? Is the motive behind romantic exclusiveness true and strong love or underlying, deep-seated fear?

Yes and No to allof the above, it realy depends on the individual, but one thing is a given and that is that their needs to be clarity for all involved, if one person loves more than one other and wants to be with both, then it's not only up to him/her all will have to know whats what so they can make their own decission if they want that or not.

(Kinda O.T.) One thing I heared on the news yesterday or 2 days ago was that a bill was passed making it possible for more then 2 person to register as the parents of a child.

When it comes to any relationship, we must keep trying and trying and trying, not only begin or start a relationship but work especially hard to keep it because it can be lost ... possibly forever. Like trying to pan for gold. There will be a lot of frustration but there will be times of success and elation. You won't experience the elation of success by giving up.
And I wonder if that has anything to do with the banned three-DNA babies in the UK. (I'm just saying)

Like your panning for gold analogy, mostly because I can turn it around on you (No offence ), panning forgold is actually just a means to test a rivers gold content, so you'll have to pan the river at a few points testing for results, you'll have to move on to another river if this one doesn't "pan out" (pun intended!), the goal of panning isn't producing gold, it's to find a suitable place to settle down (a mining operation in this example )

 

[morgandollar]

Some time ago, HBO aired a special "Americans in Bed". It was candid interviews with a variety of couples, (i.e. young, old, gay, lesbian, interracial, etc.). I never forgot this one couple. At first, the man tried to say she was crazy. Then it was revealed that he hookups with anyone he feels like, and she just couldn't take that. So after many times of fighting, breaking up, then getting back together, she grudgingly accepted he does this (they didn't call it cheating). But you can tell that she would have been so much happier if he did not do that. So it was his choice and it was her choice. I guess, that what they call love. I personally would never do that or consent to such a relationship. This is not issue of leaving the toilet seat up or putting it down. This man is having sex (protected or not) with strangers and yet claiming romantic feelings for someone. It's seems like such a contradiction and even hypocritical (not only on his part, that's obvious, but even she is complicit).

That's not exactly the type of thing I mentioned and just sounds very wrong, in my opinion. Polyamorous relationships usually start with people that already denominated themselves that. It's not about trying to make your monogamous partner accept you having sex with others, but to have a number of romantic relationships with a number of different partners. It seems to work pretty well in the confines of those groups, apparently jealousy doesn't exist because no one is property and jealousy does not equal love, which I agree with, but I'm monogamous and it's hard enough for me to really like one person, imagine more than that. Haha

Perhaps some have enough love to share with more than just one partner (EMOTIONALLY ALTRUISTIC). But you make an interesting point about how difficult it is to like or love just one person at a time. One relationship can take so much time and energy and emotion. How someone can juggle a polyamorous relationship is beyond my comprehension.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I don't know. Will the other people get to deal with the things I dislike? Like doing his laundry? I would probably be ok with that.

 

[SofiasMami]

If you're dating casually online it's pretty common to date multiple people. I have. I don't see a problem with it as long as you haven't promised exclusivity to anyone or you're not sleeping around, unless that's your thing. I noticed the thread steered quickly to the sex issue but there's more to dating and meeting people than that.

 

[Yukongirl]

It's hard enough just trying to find one person to date.....

Especially one that will do my laundry....

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's hard enough just trying to find one person to date.....

Especially one that will do my laundry....

They wouldn't have to DO the laundry for me.  I'm find doing it.  I just need someone that will fold and put it away.  :club:

 

[Bones 2.0]

In my experience, there is enough drama dating one person exclusively at a time - multiplying it by a factor of 2 or more would be insane.

 

[EveWasFramed]

In my experience, there is enough drama dating one person exclusively at a time - multiplying it by a factor of 2 or more would be insane.

Lol +1

 

[morrowrd]

heh heh heh..... man do I remember being at work, right after my divorce, and texting three women at once trying to keep the conversations straight.  My toxic ***** ex wife told me I was lucky to have her, I'd never get a girlfriend after she cheated and left, and after "alot" of years of that I really believed it.  I joined a dating site the day it was clear we were separated, and looked through the profiles. I never had done this before, and didn't think anyone would write me back.  I planned on writing one per week, like on a Friday night after a few drinks.  So after a few drinks, (like 5 or 6) I wrote to a half dozen women whose profiles I had read and liked. Three wrote back that same evening, and being in the euphoric state I was in, I set up three dates.  Keeping them all separate I figured would be a piece of cake.  

What a mistake.

I know you wanted to know about the feelings part. I think you can become emotionally entangled and attached to more than one person, I did.  It's a set up for hurt, as innocent as the whole situation can be. Not that you or anyone purposely dates multiple people just to hurt them (although it has happened), having to make that choice is a very difficult one. Having married young with little relationship experience, I never had much relationship or dating know-how.  So at 44, I entered the single world without any ability to recognize red flags, (didn't even know the term) or really any benchmark skills at all. I just dated blindly, and sleeping with the women I dated became a pattern.  Although I noticed that the women, once we slept together, looked at me differently.  You could see a bonding look, and that made me uncomfortable.  I didn't really know any of them well enough to form a bond, and I'd immediately stop seeing them.  I found that once sex became involved, the emotions and dynamics changed, becoming stronger.  It's hardly something you'd call love, its putting the horse before the cart really.

So I guess for no better term, "feelings" works.  And say one is sleeping with more than one woman, I for one will acknowledge that you definitely can develop feelings for each of them.

 

[morgandollar]

heh heh heh..... man do I remember being at work, right after my divorce, and texting three women at once trying to keep the conversations straight.  My toxic ***** ex wife told me I was lucky to have her, I'd never get a girlfriend after she cheated and left, and after "alot" of years of that I really believed it.  I joined a dating site the day it was clear we were separated, and looked through the profiles. I never had done this before, and didn't think anyone would write me back.  I planned on writing one per week, like on a Friday night after a few drinks.  So after a few drinks, (like 5 or 6) I wrote to a half dozen women whose profiles I had read and liked. Three wrote back that same evening, and being in the euphoric state I was in, I set up three dates.  Keeping them all separate I figured would be a piece of cake.  

What a mistake.

I know you wanted to know about the feelings part. I think you can become emotionally entangled and attached to more than one person, I did.  It's a set up for hurt, as innocent as the whole situation can be. Not that you or anyone purposely dates multiple people just to hurt them (although it has happened), having to make that choice is a very difficult one. Having married young with little relationship experience, I never had much relationship or dating know-how.  So at 44, I entered the single world without any ability to recognize red flags, (didn't even know the term) or really any benchmark skills at all. I just dated blindly, and sleeping with the women I dated became a pattern.  Although I noticed that the women, once we slept together, looked at me differently.  You could see a bonding look, and that made me uncomfortable.  I didn't really know any of them well enough to form a bond, and I'd immediately stop seeing them.  I found that once sex became involved, the emotions and dynamics changed, becoming stronger.  It's hardly something you'd call love, its putting the horse before the cart really.

So I guess for no better term, "feelings" works.  And say one is sleeping with more than one woman, I for one will acknowledge that you definitely can develop feelings for each of them.

It's definitely true that sex without love is so pointless and empty. Getting to know the person before being intimate (including kissing) is such a wonderful feeling.

 

[MyTherapyisALL]

Restless,

Have you tried online dating?

When I first tried 10 years ago, I was very naive and focused on 1 person at a time. Imagine my shock to find out when they would eventually disappear on me for someone else. I'm a one-on-one person. However, this happened repeatedly so I decided that "if you can't beat them, join them" by dating multiple people at once. This worked out for me and I wasn't concerned about the issue for having feelings for more than 1 person because I don't connect to people easily and they don't connect to me easily. Until you both decide to be exclusive, I personally think it cuts down on the time to finding a match and minimizes the pain of being dumped or ghosted by 1 prospect.

At one point, I said "fresia it" and scheduled a new date for every day of the week! I ended up finding my husband...