Dating: saying the wrong time at the wrong time

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insecure

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I think I am some kind of champion in saying the wrong things on dating sites, or afterwards.
I sometimes get it that a new contact messages me, then we talk a lot, we may have a long voice call.
But then I can feel that somehow they start to lose interest, and it never gets to a real face-to-face date, sometimes even if initially it was said we were going to do this.
It must be that I say something wrong that makes them lose interest in me.
Or maybe I exude too much insecurity?
Or I talk too much, so women get bored?

Am I the only one who has this issue?
 
Or I talk too much, so women get bored?
I think this is one of those things that is ok to do when you first start talking to someone. I myself am a painfully shy person, so it in turn has always made me feel more comfortable with talking/opening up if the other person takes the lead in talking - in the beginning.

I mean have you ever had a conversation where both of you are shy? it's painfully awkward. :cautious:
 
Not sure if what Rohini describes goes for me.
I'm not always shy, and sometimes I meet people online who are surprisingly open and understanding.
Maybe I'm too scared to show too much interest, so that they don't feel I appreciate them enough.
 
I just don't overthink it. 🤷‍♂️
I try to maintain my grip on reality by reminding myself of the electricity at my fingertips.
It's easy for me to talk to women I guess in part because I don't see myself as an option to them. Or rather there's certain aspects about me or my life that I know would just not fly.
I loosely and subtly flirt, but that's I think a compulsive grasp for an anchor to reality subconsciously.
I am trying to fulfill a concept of a creative idea spliced with my life direction.
It requires an isolating amount of focus. Sometimes, I feel like I have to poke the wall of my perceptive boundaries a bit, just to make sure it's solid.
The emotional and physiological parts of me are different, because I'm hyper-compartmentalized. Granted, it's that hyper-compartmentalization that's kept me going.

Maybe, just try taking a step back?
Let things naturally fall into place however they're supposed to?

If there is anything I have learned with time, it's that trying to force something, usually has a cost in doing so. Try to force you way to get money, the cost is you have no life outside of business. Try to force someone to spend time with you? They'll be moody if you can even manage to convince them.

So instead of trying to force a connection, let it naturally develop.
Just talk to her like a person, ignoring your attraction to her.
See where it goes and try to look at the conversation from a 3rd person perspective rather than through your biases of how you feel and what you want.

You've also got the potential What If factor:
What If the person she is, isn't the person you think she is?
You don't know that, and it's important to remember that you don't know that.
Actively try to approach without bias or opinion.
Half of a conversation is listening, the more important half, when you're feeling out a connection.
The other half of the important part of it is speaking, which will develop naturally without the attraction factor.

How To Talk To A Pretty Girl:
1.) Ignore that she's a pretty girl. At least for a little while during getting to know her.
2.) Talk to her like a person, not like a guy, and not like a girl you want. Acknowledge that she's an individual and has her own life and sentience.

Analyze in retrospect, not during. You can't get a good perspective that way.
I mean if you just blindly go wherever, that can go bad pretty quickly.
Next thing you know, you're blindly driving off a bridge.
Don't do that to yourself.

While it is true that forests start with seeds, it's also true that seeds need water and sunlight to grow. Learning to socialize, for me at least, is kind of a perpetual rabbit hole of its own, totally separate than other parts of me.

But again that very well could be purely due to the fact that I'm trying not to get lost among my own organizations and reorganizations. 🤷‍♂️

TL;DR:
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain! 🕵️‍♂️
 
I think I am some kind of champion in saying the wrong things on dating sites, or afterwards.
I sometimes get it that a new contact messages me, then we talk a lot, we may have a long voice call.
But then I can feel that somehow they start to lose interest, and it never gets to a real face-to-face date, sometimes even if initially it was said we were going to do this.
It must be that I say something wrong that makes them lose interest in me.
Or maybe I exude too much insecurity?
Or I talk too much, so women get bored?

Am I the only one who has this issue?
I've tried hundreds of times to connect with someone on a dating site. But, I never got that far. I'd send an initial response and that would end our relationship. I think you could give me advice.
 
Right now I have another match on Tinder.
2 photos, on the first one is a girl with dark skin, big glasses, a mouth mask. As if she doesn't want anyone to know whi she is. Second photo shows the face of a beautiful young black/brown woman. 37 years, now I a not that good at estimating ages. I wonder if that second picture is her or a young daughter of hers. There are very few details in her profile. So that makes it difficult to talk about anything else than how beautiful she looks on that second photo. So I asked if it was really her in both pictures or whether she already had such a beutiful daughter.
 
I've been in the situation where the prospective lady in question gives you a lot of rope to work with; and plenty of it to hang yourself with too, heh.

I've also been on the other end, where the other person monopolizes the self-talk, and the number of dings vs. hits, gets lopsided. You begin to think, well that won't work, that doesn't work, and, yup, this definitely won't work. So you finish things up, close up shop, and move on without explanation. Would it have worked out different if things progressed differently? Or, were the cards revealed from the get-go, and it just didn't take as long to figure out it wouldn't have worked? Maybe one or the other, or a bit of both. Seems it'd be tough to know.

So, I think, you gotta take it slow, and ask questions. Don't monopolize. And sometimes, maybe it's just a rejection, and it couldn't have gone any other way. Move on, get dealt your next hand, and keep trying to improve your game.

But, that's the game. You do your best. It's paradoxical in that, you want to be yourself; but, being too much of yourself, isn't always good either.

It's a dance, and sometimes you don't find the rhythm. What can you do? Try try again...

It's a rhythmic thing...
 
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I know that some women on there like to tease a man, putting provocative pictures in there, but then saying they only want to be friends.
You never know what they really want, and if they want anything more than to tease you.
Yes, they might be playing you, enjoying to see you suffer.
Also, I'm sure some profiles are simply fake, made by people with too much time on their hands, or maybe the owners of the site trying to lure you into a paying option.
Like this really sexy young woman who is really interested, but she doesn't send you anything, and if you want to send something you have to pay.
Also the woman I was talking about earlier told me "no one pays for dating sites", she said she could send likes all she wanted, and could see who liked her, without paying.
Yet I see many profiles where the woman says that she cannot see who likes her.
I know there are some apps that promise to hack Tinder, but you don't know what's in them.
For all you know they could be accessing your banking account.
 
I've had dismal luck with any dating site. I gave plenty of fish a real honest try, back in the day; but, I only had about 4 very tailored matches, and none of them inspired me to want to meet the people. I filled out all the questionaires, did the major homework, put in the time, and every match I had was crazy about horror movies and really dark and broody, heh. Guess PoF's idea of what I was into was different than mine... Either that, or it knew better than me; but, eh..

The best advice I heard for tinder is just swipe right 100 times, and go from there; but, I don't want that kind of visibility... Most of the people on tinder I encountered that were possible matches for going on an actual date, were clear they were looking for genuine dates, and not hook-ups; but, most of the ladies I found on tinder seemed burned really bad in the past and kind of hating on men in general.. So, I gave up. I can hate myself much easier, without having to do all that work...
 
I think this is one of those things that is ok to do when you first start talking to someone. I myself am a painfully shy person, so it in turn has always made me feel more comfortable with talking/opening up if the other person takes the lead in talking - in the beginning.

I mean have you ever had a conversation where both of you are shy? it's painfully awkward. :cautious:
Funny, you never struck me as the shy type 😉
 
I hate women that use dating apps looking for friends, or well lets call them what they are orbiters... bloody idiots. As for you... I dont know, maybe it's not you, you dont seem hard to talk to or boring to me, maybe they are boring. I have actually seen research on dating apps suggesting men have to carry over 80% of the conversations, almost on their own, it's bizarre. I cant relate because I cant shut up lol but if the stats are anything to go by, this, like most other things, is probably "womens" fault lol.
 
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Thanks, Cenotaphgirl, that is a very nice compliment to get.
I think on dating sites the ratio men vs women is really biased in the direction of men, so every woman on them has like a lot of men chasing them.
So they can afford to be mean and picky, as there's always a bunch of other guys to replace them.
Therefore if a 30 year old sends me a like, and she's good-looking, that gives me a boost, because I know that this woman probably can easily choose between hundreds of younger and more wealthy men (unless she's going from one to the other, of course, in which case I'm just as special as all of the others...).
 
In the past i've tried apps for taking to women and they are either fake or just ignorant as hell. In my case they only gave 3 worded replies, i wasn't expecting a Noble Peace Prize speech but i am not going to carry the whole conversation. Tinder was a useless venture for me also as they all seemed fake and after having a profile with "good" photos for a while i didn't get anything. It put me off even using free dating websites because it seemed like a waste of time.
 
In the past i've tried apps for taking to women and they are either fake or just ignorant as hell. In my case they only gave 3 worded replies, i wasn't expecting a Noble Peace Prize speech but i am not going to carry the whole conversation. Tinder was a useless venture for me also as they all seemed fake and after having a profile with "good" photos for a while i didn't get anything. It put me off even using free dating websites because it seemed like a waste of time.
I'll see how it goes after my first date (if that happens).
I had some experience with dating sites in the past (a long time ago, long before the smartphone was introduced), and it felt like a scam for many profiles.
I was on this local site, and each profile had a number.
I once did a test, I sent a small message to like 100 profiles to see how many would respond, or even read the message.
Lots of them never read the message, so they were either fake profiles, or the woman that created them, made the profile, then concluded the site was rubbish and abandoned it very quickly.
Of the few responses I got, only a couple seemed to be designed to keep the conversation going.
So it just felt like many profiles were fake, just made to give the impression they had many active profiles.

With Tinder and Bumble I don't know yet.
It hasn't been long enough that I'm on there to judge.
Anyway, I think many people are superficial, and an intelligent conversation is not always easy to find.
These apps also play on that.
I mean, if you can select "music" as your interests, what does that mean?
Unless you're Taliban, you most probably like some kind of music.
 
Just lost one of the likes.
A very pretty looking young black girl.
Communication seemed like almost impossible.
She didn't understand Dutch, and just replied "English".
I asked her some questions in English, but responses came in very slowly.
So I asked if that was her native language, and suggested French, German, Spanish or Portuguese instead.
She insisted it be English.
Like was said before I really had to carry the whole "conversation", obviously her native language is not English either.
The chat ended when I asked which country she came from.
I know that sometimes people think that's racist, but if she doesn't speak any of the national languages, and her English is so poor, what's wrong with asking the country of origin?
It is obvious that she was not born here, so where is she from then?
We'll never know...
Well, too bad but I don't think conversation would have been possible with her.
 
^ I had a very similar issue on the tagged dating app a month ago or so, the chat was something like:

1. An Asian girl - 30-something messages me (not me -> her, she -> me)
2. She had an obvious Japanese name (i speak a little japanese)
3. After asking her if she is japanese and speaks the language the response was (i forgot) but a long the line of: "I am from England but hong-kong heritage, is it too shocking?". -Lol, get the f^ck outta here.

I'm tired of trevornoahs with racial insecurity, I'd rather spent more time on beboo.ru or mamba.ru (you need to know russian or...use google translate). However this must be the 2nd worst time in history after ww-2 for picking russian girls, I mean there's no way to go there. It's true plenty of russian girls fall in the left wing kind of hate against white foreignes yet they're in western europe already but idk man we live in strange times, the post-covid world is still hard to decode for me.
 
I don't know, with the war in Ukraine I feel no sympathy whatsoever for Russian people, unless they're siding with Ukraine.
Some of them are really pro-Putin, and I really can't stand that.
The only advantage is that Russia is one of a few countries where there are a lot more women than men.
 
^ Call me a pedo but I'm not talking about 30-something mature women who also have sense of responsibility but the 20-something dumbwits who have an issue placing Australia on a map, I used to say (and still believe) that everyone 25 is a child/childish mentality.

My bigger issue is though the language: I really can't stand both Russian and Ukrainian as well as their "iconic" facial features, I know people from the MAGA crowd somehow think all of this is sexy but not for me.
 
Well, I speak 6 languages, but Russian nor Ukrainian are among them, I focused on languages that were not too hard to learn (no languages with completely different scripts such as Chinese, Russian, Ukrainian, Arabic, Hebrew, ....), but were largely used.
I like to be able to say as much as possible to a person, with as many subtleties as possible, be it in a relationship or for other purposes.
 

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