It's not the financial situation, it really isn't, I mean prices are high these days, but it's not like I couldn't pay this.
I just have this low self confidence.
I always think it must be impossible that someone likes me for me, so I look for other motives.
Also the experience with the fake marriage, where she would let me buy stuff, and she would always be very touchy and giving the impression that there would be a reward afterwards, but then when she got her stuff, she got back to her cold self, and there was nothing.
I feel sad though.
I still spoke via voice recordings on whatsapp and she explained that she expects the person who invites to pay.
When we set a date for the date, she suggested having cocktails or wine.
I chose cocktails.
Then later on I realised that it was about an hour's drive from my place, and I might get hungry, so I asked if we would also have something to eat.
So maybe without it she wouldn't have gone to that café.
Do I always kiss on the first date?
Surprisingly this has happened many times (though it was like 15 years since I had the previous date).
Maybe this also has to do with the fact of my insecurity.
Remember that I always had doubts about my sexuality.
Once I kissed too quickly on a date, immediately upon meeting her, and then I didn't know how to behave afterwards.
But I find that latina women are very physical, if they like you.
While talking her hands will almost or briefly touch you.
And they are quick to kiss too, at least the ones I have met.
I mean, it's not like I forced her in any way, and it wasn't just one kiss.
So if she would have had second thoughts on this, she could have easily said that we (or I) were (was) going too fast.
I really felt that we were like in a relationship already or very close to being in one.
Strangely enough I felt quite calm about it, though it always feels a bit frightening to me to commit myself.
So now it makes me feel bad, I should have simply paid, but sometimes I can be very stubbornly sticking to my principles, I am sure I have missed opportunities before because of this.
Anyway, she did show me her Bumble app.
Even with the smallest selection of age interval, the app said 200+ likes...
So that's how it is for a gorgeous woman to be on there.
In comparison, at the most I got like maybe 4 likes.
So that is why both men and women get frustrated on those apps and sites.
Beautiful women are overwhelmed with likes, and the men who send them don't understand why they get so few likes.
Anyway, I guess this is progress for me, even though now I feel sad.
I miss her already.
Hope she has a good life, wish her the best.
I could have another date today with a woman from Kenya (it seems like it is almost always 'exotic' women who feel attracted to me, and when it's girls from here, they are mostly too old for me).
The woman I met yesterday is the prettiest one though.
I just don't feel it would be good, I feel like I must 'mourn' my loss first.
Besides, tomorrow I'm going on a trip to Gran Canaria, so I should worry about all of that.