Dating someone who has kids, but you don't.

[angel_in_view]

Hey guys/gals!

I have a question and wanted to know what you all think about it. If you date someone who has kid(s) but you don't, how much time do you think should go by before you meet the kid(s)? I've had friends who dated women w/kids and it seemed like the women almost instantly started bringing their kids around them. The relationships didn't last.

I have the opposite situation going on now. A female friend is dating a guy who has kids. I'm a little worried about her bc she really likes the guy & things are going well for them, but she's not interested in the kids at all. I told her that I really didn't understand how she could contemplate a future w/this guy if she never intended on getting to know the children. They are both in elementary school, so its not like they are grown and have their own lives. I just don't want her to end up having deeper feelings for this guy only to have it all blow up bc she finds out the dynamics w/her & kids won't work out. She feels like she doesn't need to be involved w/them bc they're not her's. She said she's dating him....not them and isn't trying to be a mother to them.

 

[Rocky66]

I get the feeling that she wants *nothing* to do with the kids. If that is true then you are right to be concerned. If she is interested in any LTR with him then she actually *will* end up being a mother of sorts to them. It's possible she doesn't realize this yet and will come around to it later. But if not...

...well I know she is your friend and I don't want to be mean, but if she's not going to take a healthy interest in the little kids he should dump her bc they are more important than her.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Hey guys/gals!

I have a question and wanted to know what you all think about it. If you date someone who has kid(s) but you don't, how much time do you think should go by before you meet the kid(s)? I've had friends who dated women w/kids and it seemed like the women almost instantly started bringing their kids around them. The relationships didn't last.

I have the opposite situation going on now. A female friend is dating a guy who has kids. I'm a little worried about her bc she really likes the guy & things are going well for them, but she's not interested in the kids at all. I told her that I really didn't understand how she could contemplate a future w/this guy if she never intended on getting to know the children. They are both in elementary school, so its not like they are grown and have their own lives. I just don't want her to end up having deeper feelings for this guy only to have it all blow up bc she finds out the dynamics w/her & kids won't work out. She feels like she doesn't need to be involved w/them bc they're not her's. She said she's dating him....not them and isn't trying to be a mother to them.

Id like to comment (Im a single mom) but Id need to know if the dad has physical custody of the children or if they stay with the mom.

 

[angel_in_view]

Id like to comment (Im a single mom) but Id need to know if the dad has physical custody of the children or if they stay with the mom.

Eve: Yes, the father has custody of them. That's what makes it even more of a sticky situation(in my book). He is divorced & has the kids bc the mom wasn't interested in taking care of them. She just totally checked out. However, she now has a new bf & HE has a child. Well, she's crazy about her. My head was spinning when my friend told me this story. It just sounds like a big, sloppy mess. I told my friend that she can't be with him "for the long haul" and not be involved w/those kids. She said she doesn't mind being "exposed to them in spurts down the road" but she just wasn't interested in meeting them right now & certainly doesn't want to be a mother to them. She's been seeing him for 6-7 months now. He hasn't tried to "push" the kids on her, but he did ask recently if she wanted to come over while they were there so she could finally meet them. She gave a resounding "no." I just don't want the kids to be blindsided. They should have time to meet and get to know her gradually...not all of a sudden when they decide to live together(for example).

 

[Veilside05]

If she is no interested in the kids, she should not go further. Reality is the kids will come in between them sooner than later and it will be problem after problem if she does not want to share the burden.

 

[Ijustwish]

If he truly loves his children...they will come first and when the time comes, he will choose them.

I've heard mostly of single moms that when the man doesn't want her children, the moms abandon the children and let the man abuse them etc.

The bottom line is, whether or not his "gf" accepts the kids won't matter but what matters is if he truly loves his kids or not. I hope he will choose his kids.

However, she now has a new bf & HE has a child. Well, she's crazy about her.

OH YES. I know a guy exactly like this...leaving his own beautiful daughter behind...never seeing her, she's handicapped and he doesn't care about her but instead he is madly in love with some other crazy girl who has a babies from 3 different men and he's happy to be a father to them...sad, really. I'm happy for those 3 other kids but where are their biological dads??? Geez.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Id like to comment (Im a single mom) but Id need to know if the dad has physical custody of the children or if they stay with the mom.

Eve: Yes, the father has custody of them. That's what makes it even more of a sticky situation(in my book). He is divorced & has the kids bc the mom wasn't interested in taking care of them. She just totally checked out. However, she now has a new bf & HE has a child. Well, she's crazy about her. My head was spinning when my friend told me this story. It just sounds like a big, sloppy mess. I told my friend that she can't be with him "for the long haul" and not be involved w/those kids. She said she doesn't mind being "exposed to them in spurts down the road" but she just wasn't interested in meeting them right now & certainly doesn't want to be a mother to them. She's been seeing him for 6-7 months now. He hasn't tried to "push" the kids on her, but he did ask recently if she wanted to come over while they were there so she could finally meet them. She gave a resounding "no." I just don't want the kids to be blindsided. They should have time to meet and get to know her gradually...not all of a sudden when they decide to live together(for example).

To be honest, Im surprised he has broken things off with her yet.
After seven months she refuses to even MEET his children?
There is no future in that relationship.
He didnt ask her to fill in as a mom - just to meet them.

 

[Trent]

i really like kids.

i just adore my daughter's half-brother and he isn't even mine.

 

[Ijustwish]

Id like to comment (Im a single mom) but Id need to know if the dad has physical custody of the children or if they stay with the mom.

Eve: Yes, the father has custody of them. That's what makes it even more of a sticky situation(in my book). He is divorced & has the kids bc the mom wasn't interested in taking care of them. She just totally checked out. However, she now has a new bf & HE has a child. Well, she's crazy about her. My head was spinning when my friend told me this story. It just sounds like a big, sloppy mess. I told my friend that she can't be with him "for the long haul" and not be involved w/those kids. She said she doesn't mind being "exposed to them in spurts down the road" but she just wasn't interested in meeting them right now & certainly doesn't want to be a mother to them. She's been seeing him for 6-7 months now. He hasn't tried to "push" the kids on her, but he did ask recently if she wanted to come over while they were there so she could finally meet them. She gave a resounding "no." I just don't want the kids to be blindsided. They should have time to meet and get to know her gradually...not all of a sudden when they decide to live together(for example).

To be honest, Im surprised he has broken things off with her yet.
After seven months she refuses to even MEET his children?
There is no future in that relationship.
He didnt ask her to fill in as a mom - just to meet them.

She's going to have to fill in as a mom eventually...when one dates a single parent, one is going to eventually have to take over caring for the kids when the relationship moves further...date a single parent - you're in a relationship with kids as well...

The two of them should have discussed it from the get-go or something like that...save themselves from further heartbreak...

 

[Okiedokes]

Someone shouldn't expect to not have anything to do with the kid or kids if they are actually serious about the person. I think it's a turn off if someone has issues with a kid. lol.