different needs of communication

[emmbnm]

I'm in a long distance relationship. I feel like I'm not getting enough attention from my bf when we're apart and I feel really lonely.

Right now I'm sitting here waiting for him to call me.
We haven't skyped for over a week and it kills me because I miss him.

When I'm with someone I like to communicate and stay in contact a lot more than he needs it. He said he doesnt like phones etc but thats the only way for us to talk though....I know that he's like this but I can't help but feel lonely when I dont hear from him.

Its like,no matter how busy you are, you always have a FEW MINS to talk on the phone... You always hear people say if a guy doesn't find time for you it means he's probably not that interested and that makes me worry that he's going to stop loving me, get tired of me or find someone else. It makes me really insecure, I really need more attention.

I'm not sure how to deal with this?

 

[9006]

If he really likes you he'd WANT to keep in contact and he would use phones despite this unexplained dislike for them. To be honest these words don't fill me with confidence that he's 100% interest... and it's something I would want to know ASAP so as not to waste my time. Don't hang on to this guy if he doesn't feel the same, you'll just end up getting hurt.

 

[emmbnm]

If he really likes you he'd WANT to keep in contact and he would use phones despite this unexplained dislike for them. To be honest these words don't fill me with confidence that he's 100% interest... and it's something I would want to know ASAP so as not to waste my time. Don't hang on to this guy if he doesn't feel the same, you'll just end up getting hurt.

I hear this advice all the time, but the thing is he LOVES me, he wants to marry me and have kids with me. I've met his family, his friends etc. He always tells me he loves me, that he's thinking about me, misses me etc. When I get insecure he tells me to trust him because trust is important in a relationship... so I dont know what to do!! Do I trust him or not. I've told him I've been lied to in the past and that I don't want anyone wasting my time unless they're being 100% honest and real with me. I've made it very clear to him that I'm not interested in games and that I'm looking for something real and he assured me he wants the same and that he wants to be with me. Still, he's so bad with the communication.

 

[jaguarundi]

A difficult one to call. He may just be really busy. He may indeed be just not so into you, as you are into him.

What I will say is this .. Ask yourself these questions..
Does he know how you feel about not hearing from him in the way that means something to you?
Are your needs reasonable, given factors like where he is, how busy he is, etc?

If you are not being unreasonable or too demanding of him, then the fact he is not doing as much as you need tells you something about how much he is willing to put into the relationship.

If it isn't enough for you, find someone who will give you what you need. If you are the one giving all the time, or giving way all the time, you ultimately may come to resent it.

 

[AfterDark]

I can be a bit callous with my opinions, so sorry if it offends. I don't know how your relationship is like but this is what I think.
You mentioned he is a gamer. I'd test him if I were you, to see if his games are more important to him than you are. I have bad experience with people who play games, as I am one too, I know them really well. Maybe he wants you but his games are at the top of his list, while you are number 2. Visiting someone in real life isn't enough to determine whether it would work out or not if you really tried. It is easy to get along for a few weeks, but living together for a long time is totally different.

Perhaps he just isn't that fond of voice chat, not that talkative a guy. Well, there are other things you could do, like read a book together. Everyone has time for their special someone, there is no excuse, if you are important to him then he should value time spent with you even if it's just voice chatting. I dont know how long you have been together though, that is important to take into consideration as well.

As for the trust part, in my experience there are different kinds of people, I've only met several I could trust with anything, and the rest I know I could trust with certain things. It just comes to me naturally, may not be the same way for you, especially after having been lied to before. But I believe when you meet someone who is truly sincere there is room for little doubt. I'm not picking a side here, but there is a reason you have to ask yourself if you can trust him or not, is it your fault or his? or both?

 

[Badjedidude]

While I don't think a guy should have to call his girlfriend every single day...

...a week can be a long time. Especially in a long-distance relationship.

 

[emmbnm]

I can be a bit callous with my opinions, so sorry if it offends. I don't know how your relationship is like but this is what I think.
You mentioned he is a gamer. I'd test him if I were you, to see if his games are more important to him than you are. I have bad experience with people who play games, as I am one too, I know them really well. Maybe he wants you but his games are at the top of his list, while you are number 2. Visiting someone in real life isn't enough to determine whether it would work out or not if you really tried. It is easy to get along for a few weeks, but living together for a long time is totally different.

Perhaps he just isn't that fond of voice chat, not that talkative a guy. Well, there are other things you could do, like read a book together. Everyone has time for their special someone, there is no excuse, if you are important to him then he should value time spent with you even if it's just voice chatting. I dont know how long you have been together though, that is important to take into consideration as well.

As for the trust part, in my experience there are different kinds of people, I've only met several I could trust with anything, and the rest I know I could trust with certain things. It just comes to me naturally, may not be the same way for you, especially after having been lied to before. But I believe when you meet someone who is truly sincere there is room for little doubt. I'm not picking a side here, but there is a reason you have to ask yourself if you can trust him or not, is it your fault or his? or both?

Oooh, he's not a gamer. I think he has an xbox or someting but I've never seen or heard him talking about playing. If I said games I meant more like mind games.

Yeah, we didn't even talk on the phone for 2 days, he said he would call me when he got home, then I eventually called because he didnt and he was at home but he didnt call me like he said he would... I didnt say anything about it when I talked to him because when we finally get to talk I dont want to be annoying... but it did bother me. I dont know why he would say things like he would call and then not do it... funny thing is we talked about something and he goes "I'm a man of my words" and in my head I was like loool sure you are. I just feel forgotten when he does that. Like I'm not on his mind.

---

While I don't think a guy should have to call his girlfriend every single day...

...a week can be a long time. Especially in a long-distance relationship.

Its a very long time for me. If I'm in a long distance relationship I need us to talk every day for at least a few mins, it shouldnt be that difficult. Its hard to feel like I'm a part of his life if I don't talk to him. And I feel unimportant when he says he'll call and he doesn't, for example...

 

[9006]

I hear this advice all the time, but the thing is he LOVES me, he wants to marry me and have kids with me. I've met his family, his friends etc. He always tells me he loves me, that he's thinking about me, misses me etc. When I get insecure he tells me to trust him because trust is important in a relationship... so I dont know what to do!! Do I trust him or not. I've told him I've been lied to in the past and that I don't want anyone wasting my time unless they're being 100% honest and real with me. I've made it very clear to him that I'm not interested in games and that I'm looking for something real and he assured me he wants the same and that he wants to be with me. Still, he's so bad with the communication.

Taking whatever you or him thinks as love out the equation, the phrase "actions speak louder than words" comes into mind; it's so very easy to tell people the things they want to hear, but to actually SHOW them by physical or thoughtful ways is more difficult... though not really if it's all true. It's a good attitude to have that you're so optimistic, but from what you say it's only words to back it all up, from experience a lack of communication is one of the first things that always goes when one looses interest.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Taking whatever you or him thinks as love out the equation, the phrase "actions speak louder than words" comes into mind; it's so very easy to tell people the things they want to hear, but to actually SHOW them by physical or thoughtful ways is more difficult... though not really if it's all true.

+1

 

[zibafu]

Obviously we don't know the guy, we don't know how his mind works or anything like that so there could be all sorts of perfectly legitimate reasons for him not calling. However, it seems to me that if you're in a long distance relationship you better like phone calls. At the end of the day, we live in a world of mobile phones/facebook/whatsapp etc, where you can chat on the move, or at the very least text each other, quite easily.
If you love someone then you'd want to talk to them and interact with them as much as possible, more so when you can't actually be with them. Why be involved with this person if they are making you miserably? It honestly sounds like he possibly just takes you for granted, he knows you're there, and will answer when he calls, he knows you're not going anywhere.

If you both love each other then you both have to be honest with each other, ask him why he hasn't called you, don't be rude about it tho.

If he loves you he'll make the effort, if he doesn't make the effort then, well, walk away, don't stick with him for the sake of being in a relationship.

 

[Revanchist]

If you pointed out that you want to talk more to him, and he still proceeds with his own schedule..then iunno I'm not a fan of it. I had a friend who was in a long distance relationship and the problem was the other person rarely talked to him. I was like that aint right, if you say you want to talk to this person more and that person gets defensive after not talking to you for a week without a **** good excuse...they don't really care. This may sound rude from my side but maybe some people love others while others find love just a form of entertainment. That's not really love, its sort of i wanna marry you and have kids because i want to marry someone and have kids. More like a person is attracted to the image of marriage but not the very person they're marrying.

Friendship and love are two way streets. If one side doesn't put the effort into something...that isn't right.