Disrespectful sis

[bodeilla]

I have a younger sister that I've been very close to most of my life. Over the past couple of years, she's developed some odd behaviors. I feel like she's isolating. She quit her job and her interests. She said all she wants to do is clean her apartment.

I tried calling her a couple of days ago. Mainly she likes to text, but sometimes I just want to talk. She didn't answer and sent me a text saying she was busy. That's all she said. She didn't say, "I'll call you back." Or, "What's up?" She just said that it was an inappropriate time to talk.

Well a whole day passed and still nothing from her. No text. No call. It's like whatever I needed didn't matter. This happens 90% of the time. I show her care and concern when she texts me with her problems. I think I'm going to stop saying anything to her. I'm going to quit asking about her day.

It will make me feel lonely to stop reaching out to her. But obviously she doesn't care about me. So why continue with a relationship? I just have to disown her.

 

[Mouse]

I have a younger sister that I've been very close to most of my life. Over the past couple of years, she's developed some odd behaviors. I feel like she's isolating. She quit her job and her interests. She said all she wants to do is clean her apartment.

I tried calling her a couple of days ago. Mainly she likes to text, but sometimes I just want to talk. She didn't answer and sent me a text saying she was busy. That's all she said. She didn't say, "I'll call you back." Or, "What's up?" She just said that it was an inappropriate time to talk.

Well a whole day passed and still nothing from her. No text. No call. It's like whatever I needed didn't matter. This happens 90% of the time. I show her care and concern when she texts me with her problems. I think I'm going to stop saying anything to her. I'm going to quit asking about her day.

It will make me feel lonely to stop reaching out to her. But obviously she doesn't care about me. So why continue with a relationship? I just have to disown her.

Don't give up on her, as she could have a serious underlying problem. Your mentioning she 'wants to clean her apartment all day' might point to her having ocd - not saying she has, mind and I hope not, but I had ocd and it drove me to the edge. It also could point to much of her behaviour to you - but you have got to see her if she's within travelling distance.

I could not give up on someone unless did something so very terrible. Loneliness is so acute to say the least. Don't shoot youself in the foot by withdrawing.

 

[Punisher]

Sounds like my brother and myself. I love him more than anything, but sometimes I just want to be completely alone.

I think she just needs to spend some time by herself. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you.

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with mouse. It sounds as though she could have OCD. Giving up her job and her interests to clean her apartment all the time sounds like she has a serious underlying problem. Please don't give up on her-she may need you. And you need her as well.

 

[lifestream]

Has she ever been assessed by a psychologist, bodeilla? Some of her behaviour sounds a bit alarming.

 

[bodeilla]

Her behavior is alarming. I've asked her out to eat and to coffee. She doesn't go for fear of gluten. This gluten thing just cropped up about a year ago. She got rid of her office chair. She says it hurts to sit. That was when she was playing games. But she gave that up too. And she gave her car away. She says it's better to walk everywhere. She might need some help, imo.

But she won't do it. She's afraid of the mentally ill. I'm bi-polar. She said she doesn't want me around her son. It's very hard to have a relationship with her. This is day two that she hasn't asked about why I called. It wasn't even anything major. I wanted to talk to her about adopting a cat. I just wanted to bounce ideas off of someone. I don't ask much of her because I know she can't give.

I'm tired of it all. It's very frustrating and sad.

 

[lifestream]

How old is she?

 

[jaguarundi]

Her behavior is alarming. I've asked her out to eat and to coffee. She doesn't go for fear of gluten. This gluten thing just cropped up about a year ago. She got rid of her office chair. She says it hurts to sit. That was when she was playing games. But she gave that up too. And she gave her car away. She says it's better to walk everywhere. She might need some help, imo.

But she won't do it. She's afraid of the mentally ill. I'm bi-polar. She said she doesn't want me around her son. It's very hard to have a relationship with her. This is day two that she hasn't asked about why I called. It wasn't even anything major. I wanted to talk to her about adopting a cat. I just wanted to bounce ideas off of someone. I don't ask much of her because I know she can't give.

I'm tired of it all. It's very frustrating and sad.

It sounds as if she has mental health issues of her own. Maybe she isn't afraid OF the mentally ill, she is afraid of BEING mentally ill.

Try not to take it too personally. Also, don't set yourself up to be rescuing her if she does not want it. It won't do your state any good if she reacts badly, but be there if she does realise she needs help.

Things cycle around in life, like orbiting planets, sometimes one is close to someone, other times more distant. Trust it will come back around to a bit more closeness in the right time.

 

[bodeilla]

She is a year younger than I am... she's 48. It's like she's withdrawing from the world. But she never opens up about anything. We used to play games together but now she's got more important things to do.

I'm just having a bad day today. I need to start focusing on the other relationships I'm making... people outside my family.

 

[lifestream]

I'm a big believer in friends being God's apology for family.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think wanting time alone is disrespectful, even when she's coming off as such. She may not even know what her tone truly sounds like to you. I can admit that several times, my tone sounded to some that I didn't want to be bothered, when that just wasn't the case.

 

[bodeilla]

It's good that I'm making friends. And who knows what is really up with my sister. I just have to get over it. It doesn't feel good to me, but that is my problem. It's my problem because I don't have anyone.

 

[lifestream]

You have yourself, bodeilla. I know it's a conceit and ultimately not very comforting, but you do.

 

[differentlonelygirl]

Be patient. People do this to me.

But with family you have to be patient